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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 06:21 AM   1
oliv
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I feel like my world is falling apart and I feel guilty for that


We had our 20 week scan this morning and found out we are having a boy but they also think he may have down syndrome!!

I feel like my world came crashing down and feel guilty as I have a healthy baby inside me and I should be grateful for that



 
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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 06:25 AM   2
LoraLoo
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I can only imagine how you are feeling, please be gentle on yourself and dont feel guilty. Will you be getting a definitive reason if the little one has Downs Syndrome? Are there are facebook groups or online forums etc for support? X



 
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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 07:10 AM   3
oliv
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We got the harmony blood test so we have to wait a week for the results. Feel like I'm in limbo



 
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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 11:54 AM   4
Bonnie11
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Oh dear, bound to be a nervous time for you. Please try not to worry too much till your harmony results are back and you can have a proper picture of what is happening. They should also offer you some counselling so you can get the opportunity to ask questions etc. Definitely search out the forums for people in your position x



 
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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 13:02 PM   5
karoolia
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Your feelings are completely natural! No one wants to find out that there is something different about their child that might make their life more difficult. When you get news like that you grieve for the type of 'normal' life he won't have, you grieve because you fear life will be harder for him than you would like, you grieve because you know there will be things out of your control that you can't fix for him. It's tough. You also wonder how his diagnosis will affect your family, your other children, your lifestyle. You might criticize yourself for thinking these things because it feels selfish - it isn't. It is all normal and completely natural.

All of this is probably complicated right now by the fact that Down Syndrome is only a possibility. Not knowing is always harder than knowing, whatever the results.

I will say this, Down Syndrome is not all that difficult for a child or parent. There is of course a spectrum with some people being able to do and understand more than others. There are also some medical complications more likely to occur in individuals with Down Syndrome, but most are manageable. I have worked with many children (and adults) with Down Syndrome and have a few relatives with it. Their lives are different, but no less full. Furthermore, with regards to your other children and family life: I grew up with a little brother with a very rare chromosomal abnormality (trisomy 15). Our lives were different because of it, but I still had a great childhood and I think became a more patient, compassionate, and caring person because of my brother. My parents were always very open with me and involved me in my brothers care as much as possible. In fact, they encouraged me to play with him as though there was nothing different about him, this helped him learn because as a child I saw no reason for him not to walk, talk, etc so I just kept on working with him until he got it (I am almost 3 years older than him).

If it turns out that your son does have Down Syndrome, I suggest looking for some counseling or a support group. Hearing other people's stories and learning what to expect will make things a lot easier. You'll be able to plan and envision what life will be like.

All that said, I hope your baby is perfectly fine and that you get your results quickly. Don't beat yourself up about any feelings or thoughts you have. It takes time to process this kind of thing and the unknown is often scary.



 
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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 13:38 PM   6
oliv
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karoolia View Post
Your feelings are completely natural! No one wants to find out that there is something different about their child that might make their life more difficult. When you get news like that you grieve for the type of 'normal' life he won't have, you grieve because you fear life will be harder for him than you would like, you grieve because you know there will be things out of your control that you can't fix for him. It's tough. You also wonder how his diagnosis will affect your family, your other children, your lifestyle. You might criticize yourself for thinking these things because it feels selfish - it isn't. It is all normal and completely natural.

All of this is probably complicated right now by the fact that Down Syndrome is only a possibility. Not knowing is always harder than knowing, whatever the results.

I will say this, Down Syndrome is not all that difficult for a child or parent. There is of course a spectrum with some people being able to do and understand more than others. There are also some medical complications more likely to occur in individuals with Down Syndrome, but most are manageable. I have worked with many children (and adults) with Down Syndrome and have a few relatives with it. Their lives are different, but no less full. Furthermore, with regards to your other children and family life: I grew up with a little brother with a very rare chromosomal abnormality (trisomy 15). Our lives were different because of it, but I still had a great childhood and I think became a more patient, compassionate, and caring person because of my brother. My parents were always very open with me and involved me in my brothers care as much as possible. In fact, they encouraged me to play with him as though there was nothing different about him, this helped him learn because as a child I saw no reason for him not to walk, talk, etc so I just kept on working with him until he got it (I am almost 3 years older than him).

If it turns out that your son does have Down Syndrome, I suggest looking for some counseling or a support group. Hearing other people's stories and learning what to expect will make things a lot easier. You'll be able to plan and envision what life will be like.

All that said, I hope your baby is perfectly fine and that you get your results quickly. Don't beat yourself up about any feelings or thoughts you have. It takes time to process this kind of thing and the unknown is often scary.
Thank you so much. This perfectly describes how I feel. I am grieving for the life I imagined for our baby and our family but I know I am strong enough to take whatever result we get, my husband is taking this a lot harder than me. It's weird I don't know how to help him but also feel like I don't want to help him because I'm trying to figure it out myself!! We have hardly spoken to each other since, our two other kids have been a great distraction.

I'm back to work tomorrow and people are going to be asking how the scan went but I don't want to tell them until we know for sure but don't know how we go on as normal for the next week.. I literally just want to stay inside my house all week so I don't have to deal with people's questions



 
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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 15:29 PM   7
Ginaj
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Good luck for the harmony results!. I’m sorry you are feeling guilty and in limbo. There is no correct way to feel so be easy on yourself!



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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 15:39 PM   8
karoolia
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You are very welcome. I have not been in your position myself, but know how my own mother felt and have heard her talk to many expectant mothers who have received similar news. Hoping for the best for you, but I am confident that even if the results show Down syndrome that you and your husband will figure things out.



 
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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 18:22 PM   9
WackyMumof2
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Down's Syndrome kids are such compassionate and accepting kids! My mother used to work with them and I remember one boy who was incredibly severe (he was born at 25 weeks) who used to get so angry and smack my mother's hand when she tried to help him. I think he knew he was different and he communicated with NZ Sign Language and sounds but he never let that stop him. And his sense of humour was incredible. He was such a cool kid! Last time I saw him was 10 years ago and he'd grown up into a very cool adult.

Either way, to be told there COULD be something wrong with you child is a hard pill to swallow. Nothing is for certain yet but finding support groups and trying to get an understanding of what your baby's future could be as well as someone for you and your partner to talk to could really help you both. Just remember, it is NOT your fault! I'm sure no matter what the final outcome he will be a very much loved member of your family. Head up and try to think positive.



 
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Old Jan 16th, 2018, 13:52 PM   10
oliv
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I just wanted to say thank you to everybody for your kind words and support. I'm feeling a lot more positive today. 1he is our son and he has a family who love him, a big brother and sister who will look after him and he will have a great happy life no matter what



 
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