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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 14:28 PM   1
MyFavSurprise
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My boyfriend has driven me to the edge and I think I've lost my mind.


My boyfriend and I were having issues because I found out he was talking to another girl. I had my first birthing class and he forgot about it and had made plans. I tried to be understanding and told him it was okay and maybe he'd make it next Sunday.

He never came home last night and wouldn't answer my calls. I packed his stuff and put it out in the rain.

I'd finally had it because he'd so recently broken my trust, and I went and snooped in his emails and facebook and myspace and found out he's been telling everyone he's single. I'm non existent in his life, no trace anywhere. He left it open for all the girls to contact him and talk to them how they want to and he even gives out his cell phone number that I pay for.

So all of a sudden his stuff in the rain wasn't enough for me. I took an almost empty beer jug and filled it with water and poured it in his stuff and went back inside.

He still wouldn't answer my calls and I stayed up all night.. I haven't been able to eat or sleep..

And then the beer water wasn't enough for me... I took a bottle of lube and poured it in his stuff and rubbed it in his toothbrush and hairbrush....

And I fell asleep for an hour..

When I woke up he still wasn't answering, in fact, he turned his phone off.... I took an old cup of coffee and poured it in there too...

I couldn't distract myself so I got on his myspace and read more messages... It was horrible, my heart hurts, my head hurts, and I want to throw up. I couldn't stop reading...There was a message to a girl talking about he wanted her to be his future wifey and he just had to have her..he called me his roomate..he said "wait up, I have lady friends but nothing serious".

He finally contacted me and said he didn't know what i was talking about and he got super drunk and woke up on his friends couch and is getting ready for work. I tried to ask him who I am to him and why I don't exist. He thought I was ridiculous for asking and it hurt so much. He said he had to get ready and he hung up on me and turned his phone off.

I started printing out his messages so he could SEE what he's been doing. I wish he knew how much it hurt. The more I read the more I hurt but I couldn't stop. He had made plans with this girl I knew he was attracted to and had begged him not to talk to to go drive and see her. She called him the same pet names as I do.... I feel like a crazy *****. I found myself pacing through the house.

And all of a sudden the beer, the lube and the coffee were not enough for me... I got the bleach..I poured it on everything, every part, the whole bottle. What is wrong with me, why have I let him make me this crazy. I put his bags on the sidewalk with bleach dripping out.

Am I horrible? Or crazy? I wish he'd never come back into my life.. We had split and this baby is not his and I even trusted him to be the father of my child.. I took care of his kids for years and treated them like my own and the whole time he was doing this.. I'm so incredibly hurt that he would come back into my life and continue to do this.. Maybe what I did was wrong but I don't know what else to do I've lost my mind... Please tell me I'm not crazy..



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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 14:33 PM   2
abc123x
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Oh dear. You're not crazy, you're hormonal. And he is a d-bag. So sorry dear.

You can do this, don't worry. Stay strong.



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 14:37 PM   3
stucknthecity
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Your not crazy sweetie! I would have done the same thing and probably went as far as driving around to find the sorry SOB! Just reading your story I can feel every emotion your going through as I have gone through it as well. Sounds like he doesn't deserve you or your baby anyways! He would probably make up some sad sap story to try and weasel his way back into your good graces only to turn around and do it all over again. As much as it hurts right now think about your health and the state he has gotten you in mentally. Not healthy for baby. Purge him from your life once and for all and just try to enjoy the little things until your own bundle of joy arrives in a few short months! Things will look up for you and you will find a man who treats you and little one like you both deserve! No one deserves to be treated like he is treating you no matter how strong your feeling are or were for him as he obviously is not returning them. My heart goes out to you and I pray for you to find the strength to move on and get the support you need to remain healthy and sane for the duration of this pregnancy. Once your little man gets here in May nothing else in the world will matter to you!



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 14:45 PM   4
My4thmiracle
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I would have done exactly the same, intact about 10 years ago I burnt everything that belong to my bf at the time as I found out he sent a girl a rose for valentines day. I went potty like some crazed animal. You have acted normal in the circumstance that he put you in.

When will he call for his stuff, please becareful he doesn't get violent towards you is my only advice.

Big hugs xxx



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 14:54 PM   5
MyFavSurprise
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My4thmiracle View Post
When will he call for his stuff, please becareful he doesn't get violent towards you is my only advice.
Part of our split up was because he used to beat the crap out of me.. He took anger management to fix himself and hasn't come close to it since... I'm sure this could change that...I have locked the screen door and the door.. I hope he doesn't try to do anything, I'll tell him I'm calling the police..he's on probation..

damn the more I say about him the worse he sounds..but the messed up thing is that is not even him... He is such a lost person..I know him for who he really is and that is why I love him and took the black eyes.. and why I took him talking to other females...because that is not him.. I'm sure he hasn't even acted on these women physically, but this is enough... I hope for his sake he finds himself one day because he's truly a good man.. underneath these flaws..he really treats me so good, like a princess...but he's wrong for the other things..

My ticker says the baby knows my voice but right now all he hears is crying and this pain I'm going through.. I hate this man because he's not only hurting me, he's hurting my baby...



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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 15:01 PM   6
Lawhra
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I really hope you stay strong and stick with your decision to leave him because, I'm sorry to say, noone who behaves so badly is a decent person underneath. There is no excuse for his selfish and bad behaviour. And you are not crazy, you are hurting. Please stay safe when he comes.
My heart goes out to you, but take it from someone who was a single mum at the age of 19, you will be fine without him



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 15:09 PM   7
MyFavSurprise
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I am kind of scared he'll get crazy.. I hope he doesn't.. I'm just thinking of all the ways he could get in.. I can always hide in the bathroom.. He doesn't drive so someone will be here to get his bags with him.. I hope they don't have a dark interior in their car because there is a whole lot of bleach in there.

Thank you.. I'm sure it will be worth giving him up because of this crap... I really don't feel like I will be okay though I'm already so lonely.. He's the only person I've known that could me smile and laugh all day long..



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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 15:11 PM   8
Lawhra
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Can someone be there with you when he comes? I feel worried for you!



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 15:15 PM   9
Chands
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First of all you deserve sooo much better than this man. No man should put u through this and feel like this especially when u are pregnant! You need to stop thinking bout him (and i know its easier said than done!) and think of yourself and ur little one... put your baby and yourself first. My ex used to hit me about and i kept taking him back and was doing exactly what u are now defending him at the same time as slating him... trying to cover up and make urself think he isnt as bad as he really is... but truth is he is a k**b!

Im sorry to be blunt but having been through it myself I know how bad u must be feeling but it must be twice as bad as ur hormones are everywhere being pregnant too!

Really you dont deserve to be put through this worry and stress -u said it urself all ur baby hears is ur tears - surely u dont want this... u need to think ahead and look forward to the future with your beautiful baby. No man is worth your tears babes!

Head up and and be strong - u can do it xx



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 15:17 PM   10
MyFavSurprise
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We were living with my mother, but I think she's at work all day. I think it we'll be okay, he does not have the nerve to mess with anything in my mother's house, he actually does respect her. I think it will be okay, I'm probably just nervous simply because of our past. He wouldn't do anything to me beyond a black eye or choking me and it sounds bad but it's not so bad, I don't think he'd have the nerve to do even that while he's on probation and I'm pregnant. He's not even supposed to have contact with me, so one call saying he's here will send him to prison for 4 years. He really doesn't want to go there.



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