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Old May 5th, 2011, 09:13 AM   1
ilvmylbug
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No emotional connection yet to baby?


They say a woman becomes a mother when she is pregnant and a man becomes a father when he holds the baby.

I feel like I belong on the latter side - I have a daughter already but this pregnancy still feels like the first one, so surreal. With my first one, I didn't feel much of a connection, yes I took prenatals and worried properly about cramps and eating certain foods, did everything make sure she is healthy (just as I am doing now) but didn't feel a kick and go "OMG" and tear up or anything. It's the same way now. I just feel kicks and when I look at the U/S cannot comprehend that that is INSIDE me. I know it will hit me like a ton of bricks when I give birth, which is why I cannot wait!

But still, being emotionally connected to this baby is very hard right now. Anyone in the same boat or am I just a freak of nature?



 
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Old May 5th, 2011, 09:17 AM   2
bump0911
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I get how you are feeling. It's just a massive thing to get your head round. That there is actually a baby growing inside of you doing all this stuff!

I feel my little one kicking and think 'cute' but I don't well up and burst into tears.



 
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Old May 5th, 2011, 09:17 AM   3
broodybeauty
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I do get where you are coming from!This is our first and i am excited but it feels sureal,and having our 20 week scan today seeing his eyes open!It was like i was watching somebody elses scan,is this normal for first pregnancy?.Your deffinately no freak of nature and i am sure everybody is different some it wont sink in that they have a baby until they hold them,seeing is believing!xx



 
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Old May 5th, 2011, 09:19 AM   4
bump0911
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Quote:
Originally Posted by broodybeauty View Post
I do get where you are coming from!This is our first and i am excited but it feels sureal,and having our 20 week scan today seeing his eyes open!It was like i was watching somebody elses scan,is this normal for first pregnancy?.Your deffinately no freak of nature and i am sure everybody is different some it wont sink in that they have a baby until they hold them,seeing is believing!xx
Agreed!



 
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Old May 5th, 2011, 09:24 AM   5
Munchkin30
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For the first 12 weeks, everyone that knew was going on about it all the time, was i excited? Had i thought of names? Plans? And i was just bricking it continuously, not believeing it was all going to be ok, i wouldn't let myself bond with it, but after the scan I suddenly felt sooo proud of LO for just being there!!

Now i feel a definite bond but i totally understand people that don't, and why should you? So long as we protect the LO and the mum gene kicks in when it's born, that's all natures designed us to do, and all it asks of us.

To be honest i'm going mad dying to meet my wriggler cos i'm bonded with it too much so maybe you're the healthy one??

xxx



 
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Old May 5th, 2011, 09:26 AM   6
PAgal
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I think it's just the whole surrealness of it all, but when we meet little one it's the most amazing thing and we will all be immediately connected! I feel sort of in the middle--I just adore her already, but at the same time don't feel as emotional about it all as others either. I think part of it is me just being cautious, in case something should go terribly wrong, but even then I will still be just as devastated, whether I am "connected" or not, so i'm not sure what it is! I have a 3d scan scheduled for this saturday which, if we get a good face shot of our little girl, just may be the cure--once I actually see her there will be no turning back I believe:-)



 
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Old May 5th, 2011, 09:30 AM   7
MrsMalowey
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I do get what you mean, i see everyone saying 'love you so much already' etc and although i do feel completely in love with the idea that i will have my own little baby it doesn't connect with the baby inside me. I think once i feel kicks it will be better. When we went for the 12 week scan, it didn't seem real, i didn't well up, was just happy everything looked perfect. My OH was a bit tearful though

I'm looking forward to knowing the sex (as long as we can find out)! Because then we can get some definite names down, some cute little clothes and start planning the nursery xx



 
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Old May 5th, 2011, 09:33 AM   8
highhopes19
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im glad there are other people feeling the same, i thought i was just a horrible person .

i am sooooo excited about meeting LO, but i just don't feel emotionaly connected at all, i wish i did, i'm hoping when i feel lo kicking it will kick in for me . it makes me sad though as my OH is already so connected to the LO its so sweet.

i just wanna be like what he is aswell

xxx



 
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Old May 5th, 2011, 10:13 AM   9
SkyBaby
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My midwife said it's normal to not properly believe it until you hold the baby.



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Old May 5th, 2011, 10:32 AM   10
Fascination
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I totally get where you're coming from! I feel like an awful person for not having that bond, but I don't think it's even sunk in that I'm having a baby yet! An actual tiny little person to look after - it just seems so surreal to even think about it. Even when it's kicking and rolling or we're talking about the future or I'm looking at the stuff it has, there's never once been an "OMG" moment where reality has finally hit home. I'm assuming/hoping that's why I don't feel a strong connection to him/her yet. I adore them and want them to be safe and healthy and can't wait to meet them, but I definitely don't feel as close to them as some of the other mum's on here. You're not alone :] x



 
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