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Old Jul 16th, 2011, 14:02 PM   11
GemBaxter
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I really struggled. My husband was still out of the house everyday but I really struggled. For some reason unless I had a booked appointment with someone I didn't want to disappoint, I never made it out of the house. I had worked full time for 7 years, had my own money, life and strengths. It was like starting everything again.

I had moved away from family to be with my husband 2 and a half years before so I couldn't even pop round to see my mum a few days a week.

In the end I suffered with bad PND. I was told I would probably never have children and then all of a sudden I was pregnant and rattling towards D-day.

I tried to stay connected to work but couldn't because a big merger was taking place and the company was all over the place. I have now formed some extremely bad habits from that period of maternity leave and I hate it.

I decided to leave my company when I was due to go back to work. I went to work in the same roll but for a children's charity. I worked at getting myself a really good work/life balance.

I love my son so dearly but by god do I like going to work. In the office I am great at what I do. There are few things I don't know about my area of work and people respect me and value my opinions.

At home I am still learning. Everyday is a learning curve and no 2 days are the same. I cannot get into a routine for myself but my son is so regimented you wouldn't believe - he did this practically by himself which doesn't surprise me being the son of a soldier!

I realised that getting up and putting some make up on, wearing nice clothes that won't get puked on and putting my mind into action was very important for me. Within 6 weeks of being back at work I was already much happier, depression eased slightly and I was sleeping better.

This time around we are putting an action plan in place. I have designed a daily list of jobs so I have a target to achieve every day. My husband and I have decided that we would like to lose weight - baby weight has gone up lots for us both! - so I am going to try and cook lots from scratch and to a good "diet".

We have also just discovered that financially we will be better off if I stay off work for my full 39 weeks. Now I planned to return after only 20 weeks off which is also quicker than last time - partly due to trying to "beat" any post natal depression.

That has put the willies up me so we need to work this into our action plan.

One big thing I would recommend is making an evening for you and your partner. This means actually getting dressed up and leaving the house and the child with someone you trust. I feel the ability to spend a couple of hours away from your little one really helps those mothers who struggle to seperate the mother/own person role.



 
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Old Jul 16th, 2011, 14:07 PM   12
lynnikins
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my identity completely changed with having the kids even the "Lynette" in me is a different person to the "pre child Lynette" and it has taken time to be adjusted to that change and you will need to make time for that around being a mother/partner. I have my little time which i take just for me , I read a book or put the boys in the creche and take myself to the shops for some retail therapy , not often but my OH helps and will have the boys for the day so I can have some "Lynette" time not just " mummy/wife " time which does take up 98% of my time lol



 
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