I have tried telling him before that he makes his son think he is too young or not ready to do certain things whereas I am the opposite, I try to encourage him and he then feels proud of himself. It doesn't usually come from the boy not wanting to try to do things. Also there are certain things his Dad does for him and he will say Mummy wants me to do this on my own now yet when I try to get my OH to take this on board, he just says he feels sorry that he is only there for him 4 days a month and likes to look after him.

Oh I don't know, I feel like I could rant on all day about this. I just don't want to be too harsh as I haven't had a child before and can't yet understand that real bond and probably seeing his son upset really upsets him.

Isn't the mind a terrible thing when you are pregnant!

Personally I don't agree, this is to do with his parenting of his son and as you are having a child together you should discuss and agree on appropriate parenting styles if you don't agree with this and you leave it to lie he might act the same with your daughter and if you bring this incident up in 5 years time after not discussing it with him at the time you may just seem like your being spiteful. However I would try hard to indicate that it's not an argument you're looking for or telling him to behave with his son but instead approach it as something that concerns you because of your daughter's future xx

It just shows how much he loves and cares for his son. The boy was probably upset because he has a sister at home which probably means he gets a bit less attention and has been used to going to see his dad and having his dad be totally devoted to him. I have a friend whose mum and dad split and each went on to have more children with their other families and he said he always felt like the outsider in each of the families. Maybe your husband wants to make sure his son doesn't feel that way. I'm sure he will show the same devotion to his daughter when she comes along, but she'll have her dad all the time and his son won't despite him loving him as much so it will probably seem like he will be putting his son first at times as he tries to show the same love in a limited time. I wouldn't be too bothered about the girl comment because she is a girl and he's just pointing out that it will help. I'm sure if it was a boy he wouldn't have said anything. If you want to talk to him about it I'd focus more on the 'let's handle this as a team and be really positive about things' and point out examples of his sons independence and positive responses to encouragement.

I'm in a similar situation, we have custody of OH son who is 6 and stays with us five days a week. My step son doesn't know about pregnancy yet and I'm nervous about how he will respond. We have a really good relationship as his mum had lots of problems when he was little and when I meet him he was a wee lost 2 and a half year old. My OH had stayed with his mum for 2 years after he was born to try and make things work but it wasn't to be. It all went through court and for a while he was only allowed to see his mum twice a week for 3 hours. He is still her son after all and I try to be positive about his time with her. She fell pregnant two years ago and step son told me before anyone else and that he was scared she wouldn't love him. I dont think she had been very positive about it all as after he had a wee cry and i started to tell him what a great bug brother he would be and how much fun they could have playing together he started to get excited. His wee brother is 14 months now and he loves him to bits.

My OH is very nervous of telling him about baby - I know this as I have said we should tell him after my scan next week and he has said it is still too soon. I am going to talk to him about it and tell him how this makes me feel as I sometimes feel left out that I do all the hard work with my step son but am still an out sider as I am not his " mum". I'm very excited about my pregnancy and my OH is too I just think he finds it hard to tell his son about it because if how he reacted to his mums news but like I said we will have to do it positively and reassure OH that I was the one who helped him accept his little brother. I encourage my step son constantly to be a big boy and I do disagree with my OH as he does baby him sometimes. But I guess he just doesn't want him growing up fast - quite cute in a way and I live him for it! You should of seen him on his first say if school step son couldn't wait to get in and his daddy was nearly in tears letting him go!

I would tell him how you feel - blame your hormones if you like - and just explain you feel he is making it a negative which I'm sure he doesn't mean too and part of it will be you feeling sensitive too (god knows I get terribly jealous as he has been there before nit with me!) but I feel you get no where hiding stuff and even if you play it down you will feel better!

Wow that's an essay - hope some if it helps!

Thanks, that really did help, it really does mirror some of my situation! Wow.

My OH was very nervous about telling his son as well for the same reason, we've left it until week 21 so quite far along but still enough time for him to get used to it. How far along are you? The little boy is very lucky to have you as you sound lovely - I'm sure you ill make it so enjoyable for you and it sounds like he really trusts you.

I really recognise what you say about doing the hard work and making them happy but sometimes still being an outsider as you aren't the real Mum. My stepson is going through a phase of needing me a lot at the moment and wants to be with me cuddling me the whole time, but I have been through times and sure I will again where I feel exactly like you mentioned. A bit left out.

I don't worry too much about my daughter as I know the baby will get so much attention from her big Brother - no matter how much upset he may feel at times towards his Dad or me for having a new baby, I can already see the love and excitement he feels for her, its amazing, after it sinking in he straightaway was beaming about her. I know she has a friend there! Well, I hope that is still the case when she comes along demanding attention and screaming her head off! Lol!

I just hope my OH can just start acting more normal now and relax and not be such a drama queen!. I'm not belittling it as I know he feels strongly about making his boy feel happy and included. I just want him to know what a good Dad he is and that he couldn't do more.

There you go, an essay right back! Hope it goes well when you tell your little SS x

Aw thanks Its a thankless task being a parent but being step mum even more thankless! Sounds like your daughter is going to have a great big brother there and you are a massive part of that!

I quite often find I need to reassure my OH when stepson (Josh) is at his mums. I have to tell him he isn't a bad dad and him leaving his ex was best thing he could if done as it's actually meant Josh has a chance at some kind if relationship with his mum and to grow up in a happy environment. I'm only 13+3, first scan a week today! So I know there isn't a rush to tell Josh I just don't like keeping a secret from him!

I'm sure with a bit of ego flattery we can calm our OH down! Sounds like they are similar and ultimately these are qualities that will make them good daddies to their new babies too. I think men struggle with multi tasking at best of times! My mum had me and my sister quite close together and she said that when my we'd Sis was born she made an effort to ask others to watch baby for a few hours so her and my dad could spend time with just me. Im going to mention this to OH and say that we should make special time with Josh and us as well as four of us as a family so we show him he is still important and loved too

Step parenting has it's own unique challenges - it's good to chat to someone going through similar things