I am devestated. My friend miscarried at a little over 6 weeks. I wasn't much further when I miscarried so I know even though it's early it's still devestating. The worse part is I am pregnant and about to start having showers and so excited that my fb is always saying something about little man. Even worse her sister in law (brothers wife) is 11 weeks and got pregnant on accident. She is very young and not as financially stable so I know it stings. When I miscarried I couldn't see my cousins who were all pregnant. I didn't blame them for being happy or anything I just didn't want to see it. Should I calm down my fb and keep my distance. I was so excited for her and the fact that our babies would be so close. We only live a street apart. We do Christmas with them and the other ones who are pregnant and we were already talking about all the babies this year. I'm just so sad. I don't want my happiness to hurt her but then again I am so happy about my rainbow baby and I know she will be soon about her own! This is partly a vent but if anyone has advice I'd love it.

Being someone who has experienced multiple losses I'd find it harder if I was treated different take her feelings into consideration and just be normal cause that's the way I'd of want it x

((hugs))

Let her lead. I had two friends who miscarried in my first pregnancy, and they had to see me every day at work.

It took a while and I was devestated though nothing compared to how they felt, I'm sure, but eventually they let me know when they were ready to carry on and felt comfortable talking etc.

Let her know you're there but don't push to hard and try to be patient if she is struggling being around you xxx

Thanks guys! I think I'm just really hormonal right now. I just don't want anyone to have to go through that pain.

Sorry to hear about your friend's miscarriage. It's such an awful time, but it's great that you are considering her feelings in all of this, it shows you are a great friend. Let her know you realise that this must be difficult for her, even the fact you are acknowledging it will be of comfort to her. Speak to her about it and don't tip toe around her as she will probably be glad of the honesty and will appreciate the opportunity to tell you how she feels too.

It is a horrible situation for everyone involved, and like yourself too, from experience, it is horrible being around pregnant women after a loss but sadly it is one of those things which can't be helped and however much it hurts, has to be faced on certain occasions (though kept to a minimum where possible is good too).

Wait and see what your friend says and take it from there. Re facebook, it depends on what she says as maybe she will be ok with it, but I know myself, facebook became an enemy after my losses as there were a couple of pregnant women on as friends who posted a lot about their pregnancies and babies, it really hurt, but then at the same time, life does go on and sometimes we do have to face these things no matter how hard it is, and everyone is different.

Talk to your friend, let her know you are considering her feelings and find out how she feels.

xx

Great advice thanks!

I honestly would let your friend be the one to bring up your pregnancy.

I have a wonderful friend that was due a week after me and this is someone I see every day. She lost hers due to it being ectopic. I found it very hard to face her. I did after a week send her a fb message letting her know that I was very sorry for her loss and that I will keep her family in my prayers. She was appreciative. I have tried to conceal the bump but of course that is getting hard to do.

I do periodically post about my pregnancy on fb but I also have friends that are ttc'ing so I'm trying to keep it on the low down with that and trying not to rub things. I might mention it once a week and honestly some things are just too cute not to share.

My friend has been wonderful about it. She congratulated me on my expectant girl and even periodically asks how I'm doing. I think I handled/am handling the best way possible to not take away from me and my happiness but to respect those that have lost and those who want so bad.

I hope that made sense?

Def, thanks for sharing your experience!

It is *good* on some level (not really, but you know what I mean) that you have been through it and know how it feels. I was the same way. We lost five before our first daughter and it has been seven years between her and this pregnancy.

I also have had friends who've miscarried, and my very best friend in the world has not been able to have any children. As friends, they want me to be happy and share my pregnancy stuff with other people, but also when I talk to them I try not to bring up my pregnancy at all unless they ask, and then only briefly before I resume talking about other life bits and or about them/their lives. We don't focus on their lose or infertility and we do not focus on my tummy.

For me, the bottom line is that the more you love a person, the more accommodating of their needs you are. You will get your pats on the back and shared joy from other sources, so don't feel hurt or put out by going the extra mile. It sounds to me like this friend is more than worth it, and I think in the end you will both be closer for it b/c she knows you are there for her as much as you possibly can be.