Its my fiance's best friends wedding on the 1st April 2012, I am bridesmaid of the bride and I love her to bits (although we havent recently stopped talking as much) but I dont think I can go. A while ago there was this guy (ill use K as his initial) that got a little bit obssesed with me and starting making my life hell, he sent me really threatning emails about raping me which I took to the police but nothing got done about it In the end I decided to try and avoid being anywhere he was near, I am actually terrified of K and everytime I have ever been out somewhere and spotted him I start to panick and run out because I physically can not be in the same room as him. He is now going out with this girl who is the friend of the bride, so obviosuly she has invited her friend and K to the whole thing. I dont think I can go. I dont even think I can be a bridesmaid anymore. I have been pancking and loosing sleep over this for so many nights and am terrfied of going I want to be there to celebrate their marraige but I know I can not be in the same room as K. I really really really do not want to go I have told the bride how scared I am of him but she just keeps saying oh you'll be fine! But I dont think I will, im scared I will end up walking out. I have been so stressed out about this I hate to think of what I am putting my poor baby under xxx

That sounds very serious. I think I would tell her its me or him. At least now she can have a little time to find a diff brides maid. I am sorry you have to deal with this. I would def not put yourself in a postition where you are uncomfortable and dont feel safe.

oh hun i really dont know how you feel but what does you oh have to say about this? Will the fact he is there with you not make you feel better and have you even explain this to him? Im sure he wont leave your side and will be watching K like a hawk. Could you maybe not attend the ceremony and then make your excuses (pregnancy related) and then leave then at least youve not missed the full thing but still dont have to be in the same room with him all day? x

I've been in the same situation as you, an old friend of my brothers was sending me threatening e mails and everything when i was 13, i kept a knife in my pocket in fear of him jumping out of the bushes.
You need to tell your friend that this is a Very serious issue and that as much as you would Love to be there on her special day, if he is there you do not want to attend.
She needs to understand that this is a serious issue.
I hope everything works out well in your favour.

I agree, dont put yourself in a position where you feel unsafe. Tell your friend that unfortunately you cannot attend the wedding and hopefully she understands that its not about her but about the situation that you went through.... You have to protect you and your little one. Best of luck, keep us posted.

I am too scared to tell her that I wont be coming just incase she gets all angry and upset with me

xx

If she wants you to be in her wedding she should un-invite him. Seriously. Tell her its too much of a risk for your unborn child for you to feel that much stress and she will either have to find another bridesmaid or uninvite him. She will get over it.

Maybe tell he if she can compromise with her other friend and have her freinds boyfriend ( Mr.K) come only to the dance.. that way his GF doesnt feel alone at the dance. And you can probably take off when that dance is about to start. That might work..... just let her know sooner than later, cause she might get more upset if you let her know closer to the wedding day. Its better to deal with this situation ahead of time, maybe overtime she might understand... and things might work out somehow. Best of Luck

A. if she doesnt understand how serious this is or how you dont feel safe than maybe she isnt a true friend..

Sweety if you dont stand up for yourself no one else will.. You have to be strong and tell her how it is.. I am sorry its so stressful and you are so scared but if its really important to her to have you there than she will make it work.. Would you rather stand up to her and tell her how you feel.. or have to keep having sleepless nights worrying over having to be in the same room with him at the wedding.

This is just my advice and only you know what the right thing for you to do is.. Good luck girl.

This guy threatened to rape you. You can not be expected to be putting yourself in a situation where you would be in the same room with him for any amount of time...much less in a situation like a wedding where I'm sure there'll be lots of alcohol. What if he gets drunk, and decides to follow you to the bathroom or something? It's not safe for you, or anyone else for that matter...you don't want a big fight to start and lots of people getting hurt (never mind the wedding ending in chaos) because this guy attacked you.

I know this might be a bit alarmist, but I just wouldn't trust anyone who can threaten rape to be normal enough not to start anything.

I would tell her it's him or you. She really needs to understand the gravity of this...does she know about the threats?