Hi all,

I just wondered if anyone was in a similar situation. My DS is 2.5 and has NEVER stayed with either grandparents. My parents live an hour away but my dad works nights and I have to ask permission to even go up for a visit because "there is no way to keep James quiet"....my mom's words. His dad lives about 25 minutes away and just doesn't have "time". He is a farmer. We asked him to keep James tonight while we attended a church service and his excuse was "I'm afraid he will get upset if he is left here"...DOH!! He has to get used to it. I'm not asking a lot here but was hoping someone would offer to keep my son while I was in the hospital but don't see that happening now. I don't know what to do. If I go in labor in the middle of the night, I have NO ONE to call that will come and get DS so I can go in the hospital. I know labor doesn't mean I will have the baby right then but if my waters break, then that is more of a dire IMO. It just really upsets me that I feel I have no one. I am sad that his grandparents (and hers) just aren't interested in them

I think you need to speak to them, or get OH to speak to them, and tell them how you're feeling. It's not nice to feel like you have no support and they should be more willing to be involved. Good luck!

I'm sorry to hear that they're not being more supportive. I agree that speaking with them could be helpful, especially about your concerns regarding labor. If you know that at least one set of grandparents or one grandparent is willing to come out and get your son if need be that would be such a load off it seems.

Surely your mum could come to your house if your dad works nights and look after your son whilst your in the hospital? Seems a bit selfish from all parties tbh

my in laws dont bother either, they live 5 mins away in a car but have never seemed that interested, they see him about once every 4 to 6 wks for half hr max.
they have never babysat, never took him out for a walk or helped out at hard times. i think theyre a waste of space. we used to argue so much about them but i know my oh is still scared of his mother. now i see it as their loss. they will drop the odd "well if you need help you only have to ask" but i shouldnt have to ask grandparents to spend time with their grandson.

my parents were very involved but are gradually becoming less, my son has actually commented that they dont come to see him now.

what i dont want is either party to "suddenly" be more involved when babies arrive as this will affect my son.

ive made it perfectly clear to both sides that he will not be pushed out, and what he hasnt had from them the twins wont get either.

i think my mil will try and play more of a part with them as she likes girls but i wont allow it.

my MIL is exactly the same she only lives 5 mins away and my boys are lucky if she doesnt make an excuse to come over on there birthdays, (one year she said to me its not because i dont want to see my little darling on his birthday but im paranoid about slipping over in the ice, even though she was getting a lift over?... but she said the car might break down!)i dont understand how any grandparent wouldnt want to spend time with their grandchild. Me and DH used to argue about it but like you i can see its her loss and even DH says the kids will always know who was their lives when they are older. What annoys me that she makes out that she is grandparent of the yr to everyone else, my little boy who is 1 crys everytime she picks him up (and that is not like him at all) i think she knows it aswell it because he doesnt know her
One thing that will always stick in my mind is when me and DH got pregnant with DS1 within the first yr of being together and she said to me ' if you and ..... ever split up then dont ever stop me from seeing my grandson' makes me laugh we have a job trying to get her over to see any of them.
She hadnt seen DS1 for months before DS2 came along, made an excuse not to come over for his 2nd birthday and christmas in a row then february comes (when i was due with DS2) i start getting texts 'oh nanny cant wait for my little grandchild to be born ' really got on my nerves i asked if she was going to come over and see DS1 first but got more excuses then when baby is born she expects to be first over then that will be it for another yr! I have got to the point where i dont even want her to come round when this baby is born, am i out of order?


to OP i know how it feels having one grandparent who is not interested luckily i have my mum, there is no speaking to my MIL she crys at any confrontation and my DH has said on many occasions when she moans about not seeing the kids we only live 5 mins away, your always welcome... but no change.
If possible try and speak to you family, let them know how you feel

Oh my god i think we have the same mil!!!!!
Everythin is an effort for her and the world revolves around her.

lol how i think about it is, it just makes us better people. in many many years to come, when we are a lot lot lot older and we are lucky enough to be blessed with grandchildren, what we are experiencing now with grandparents.... (it teaches us not to be like they are)

my son has never seen one set of grandparents (his fathers side) as they live abroad but he sees my grandparents daily infact he probably spends more time with them than he does with me lol
my mum isnt to strung on spending time with the kids i dont think but she does make the effort to see them at least 1 a fortnight/month she doesnt have them overnight unless it is an emergency she had my daughter once for a few hours when i whent out but she does work full tiem herself monday to saturday
my grandparents dont seem to be as bothered about dd than ds

dd's grandparents (inlaws) see her every sundal almost they sometimes take her in the week for me if im behind with housework etc or have something to do if they dont see her then they ring to see how she is and make sure were all ok :-)

i think you and Oh really need to talk to them as its better for the kids to have a healthy relashionship with their grandparents ive allways been really close to my grandparents i dont know what id do without them really

as a pp said why cant your mum come over ot you when you need hospital seen as she is usually home all night alone anyway and im sure you dad isnt gunna miss her in the day i bet hes sleeping half the day ready to go back on nights i know you say she lives a 1 hour drive away but its better for you to stay at home as long as you can in labour anyway so while your waiting you could be trying to get relaxed have hot bath etc practise breathing etc :-)

good luck hun im sure youll figure something out :-)

My mom is legally blind and can't drive herself. We offered to come and get her but she has declined. I just don't know where we stand.