I'm so sorry. Just wanted to reinforce what the others have said: you are reacting normally to an abnormal situation. His behavior toward you is not okay. I think you're smart to get others involved that you both trust, like his brother. Alcoholism does have a strong genetic component, and it might help to be reminded of that by someone who won't be seen as judging so much as commiserating. It's certainly possible that he's reacting the way most 21 year olds do by suddenly going to the bars and drinking more right after their birthdays just because they can. I hope that's th case, because for most of us, the appeal fades quickly. But he does sound like a "mean drunk", and that's a problem with any amount of drinking. Does he seem to realize how messed up his drunk behavior is once he sobers up?

I guess I kind of feel guilty that he's sacrificed way more in this marriage than I have. Because of what he's done me, I would never even think of leaving him(he was right on thinking that my "leaving him" utimatum was pure bullshit)... even if I caught him cheating on me or whatever. The more I think about it, the more I think I was in the wrong and that I should just let him do what he wants.

Here's to hoping that this urge to drink kind of fades away.


Thanks all for replying, you all are so sweet.

Best of luck to you both in working through this together.

Good luck getting past this hun

When I read stories like this I feel so sick to my stomach, as with my DD's daughter I went through pure emotional and mental and sometimes physical abuse because of my EX's addiction to alcohol.

It began the same as in your story, a few drinks a night. Then it led to being out drinking all night, every single night. Then he became abusive and cold. I held on, all the while falling apart.

When I would leave town to visit family for a few days at a time I would come home to broken things, stuff missing, and stuff misplaced...due to him having parties while I was away. He had girls in while I was out, strangers in our home, and just stopped caring.

He came home in a drunken rage one night and smashed the legs of a chair into my DD's room we had set up for her. He came home one night and I spent 2 hrs as he puked blood up from an ulcer forming in his stomach from him drinking and not eating.

He hid ALL the money....gave me 40 dollars a week to feed the BOTH of us while he ate out every morning and most lunches. He would spend money on booze and liquor and cigs but neglected my basic human needs. He called me fat, ugly, told me NO man would ever want me. He even called me one night drunk from a party and had me on speaker phone as he laughed aloud with all of his friends' about how horrible my body was and how worthless I was.

Long story short, I left and here I am 3 years later with severe emotional issues from all I endured with him. Thankfully my DH is 50x the man he is and takes very well care of me and my DD....he is the most thoughtful person EVER. He understands my emotional problems from the abuse and has helped me work through it.

If this does not better...run. Run far away for the sake of your baby and yourself. It can and will only get much much much worse....

ok, first the alcohol is a problem, he needs to figure it out....but what worries me more from your story is...

your lack of self esteem. That you would even consider letting him cheat on you just to keep him. and He knows that. Even if you didn't tell him, he knows you wouldn't leave him, because he knows you....and your bad self esteem. I am glad you are in therapy for it, but I hope you are talkin this all out with your therapist because you need help too. You are getting mentally abused, because he knows he can do it without any reaction from you. He knows what he can get away with. You need to work on you, not worry about his happiness. His happiness isn't important, your health and the health and happiness of your baby is. I personally think you need to take another look at the situation, realize how much you are worth, and let him know you know how much you are worth.
I hope I didn't offend with the comment, but I get soooo irritated with men thinking they can run women. I know this isn't the case 80% of the time, but I watched my mom take crap from my dad my whole life and knew that that wasn't the way to live. I hope things work out for you, and I hope you realize what a beautiful wonderful worthy person you are!!!

I know it is hard when you are very much in love with your OH or DH, but him KNOWING that no matter WHAT the circumstances that you will never leave him, he is abusing your unconditional love for him. It is almost like pushing you until you break or it seems that way to me. Him knowing he can cheat on you and do whatever he wants and you'll never leave him...that just sounds a little scary hun. I really hope you figure this out for you and your baby.

I didn't see this until after I posted. But I feel you got across what I was trying to say in a much better way.

Don't let him make you think you deserve this! You DON'T! I recognize those words you wrote: "But I guess I am a bitch that deserves it also". you are NOT! I let my ex-husband make me think that for way too long.

He is starting a path of emotional abuse, and it's NOT okay. You need to be mentally strong for yourself and baby. If he is not willing to curb his drinking habit NOW.... then you honestly need to sit and think about your future together.

Huge congratulations to you for getting yourself and your children out of this relationship! Sounds unbelievably hard, much respect.