Hi sweetie, hope you are well. Aint spoke to you in ages!

I was kind of in this situation except OH from day one said he didnt want to know. I did and was adamant but then I figured I should go along with it as some men dont take any interest whatesoever so I figured that fact that he felt strongly about it was a nice thing rather than a negative IYKWIM.

Ive gone along with it and now that Im 32 weeks Im soooo glad I didnt find out! Ill be honest and say shopping hasnt been as much fun because I cant really buy gender specific stuff but I am so happy that I get the surprise once Ive done the hard work of pushing this bubba out! I have bubba to look forward to but also have the excitement of the not knowing if its a boy or a girl. x

i would say do it and stuff your mother guilt tripping you. since we found out at 17 weeks i have bonded with my little girl so much. we have decided on her name and call her Evie all the time! i hated not knowing and the whole it thing. plus the shopping is a big bonus. i was in next the other day and there is hardly anything unisex in. and when you have a newborn you dont want to be trapsing around the shops. you want to relax at home with your new addition. xxx

Lindsey - As tempting as that is, I really couldn't
I know once we're in there he'd love it, I mean - he cried at our 9 week scan, his face was beaming at our 13 week one, I know he'd love it, it's just not being made very easy at the moment xx

Hey sunshine! My golly look at your gorgeous bump!! You haven't got long to go! Hope everythings going great
I understand what you mean, that's another pointer my mums tried saying but I still want to know I'll probably end up not finding out just to keep the arguements away... but then I wanted to know xx

Lilmisshappy - I thought it would help bonding too, I want to tell my mum to stick it, but even if I do, Oh still doesn't want to now. He said the main thing was the excitement at the end of it :/ xx

what is your mums arguement for not finding out? i had a few people saying oh you shouldnt find out. back in my day you didnt even get scans! you should be patient!!!! i said times change and we have technology now!!!!and the whole surprise thing i said. its either a girl or a boy. not that much of a surprise!!!!! if you really want to know then i would say that you speak with hubby and explain. then you can ask the sonographer at your 20 week scan to write down on a piece of paper what your having and if hubby still doesnt want to know then keep it secret. and plus you can still have a 4d scan, just ask them to keep away from the business end if hubby doesnt want to know. good luck xxx

ps. and your not telling me that hubby wouldnt be excited if he knew he was having a son or daughter before it popped out. my hubby is so excited to be having a little girl.

Well my mum believes that it's nice to have a surprise. My arguement - it's a surprise when you find out at scan, then you have the excitement of knowing your having a son or daughter before they're here.
My mum thinks you can go buy gender specific clothes after baby is born. My arguement - I don't want to be going shopping when Im sore and tired. I can also save money by getting things in sales now or things I really love.
I just said about the bonding thing to OH and he said he'd bond with the baby either way xx

You talk about you feeling like you should respect his wishes of not wanting to know, but what about him respecting your wishes of wanting to know. It's a 2 way thing so I think the only way to do it would be to tell him that you really want to know what you are carrying, it's fine if he doesn't want to know but he needs to understand how much you want to know as much as he doesn't. & the problem is easily solved by you finding out & him not. I understand he's then saying that if you find out then he'll feel like he has to know then, but that's his choice not yours.

You both have a choice whether you want to know & you can both respect each others decision too (as long as he can come round to seeing it that way)

good luck - hope I've not waffled too much in my response there lol

xx

I resemble the gable end of a house now lol!
Everything going fine. Glad to see you in 2nd tri!! I wouldnt listen to your mum if I were you as its none of her business nor anyone elses apart from you and your partner. Hope you agree on something! Keep in touch hun.xx

Lisa40, you made a good point hunny
I respect his and I told him I would, my mum said so what if I wanted to buy stuff and how would I keep it a secret? I said that I'd buy most gender neutral stuff anyway, and the stuff I really adore I'll get without him seeing. Would be hard, but then I know he'd decide to know anyway. It's a really tough decision I'vebeen put in, and if it's not him putting the guilt trip on me it will be my mum xx

Sunshine - bless you hun
Can't wait til I have a bump thats a nice showable one lol. Im going to have another chat with OH tonight, but he's sooo stubborn, and I know if I do persuade him, other people will say their opinions again and he'll be off again xx

I'd tell your mum where to stick her views, tbh! If your OH doesn't want to find out, then that's fine, he doesn't need to, but you do, so why do your opinions matter less than theirs?

My dad didn't want to know last time round so we kept it a secret from him and his missus - funnily enough this time he wanted to know as soon as we knew. He said it was torture last time knowing everyone else knew and they didn't

For me it was important to know, especially this time - first time round so I could get prepared, bond before birth and start to think of him as a little person in there and not an 'it' - this time so I could get over any disappointment if it was another boy (which it is - I've done my crying over it and am now not worried about feeling bad after the birth about it) and so I knew whether I needed to go and buy a whole load more stuff or not, and again to start the bonding process as soon as I could as it was something I really really struggled with when Joe was born due to PND.

Also, I am really impatient and couldn't have waited any longer when the opportunity was there to find out!