Last name issues? - Page 4

ChesMik4eva · Apr 9th, 2012, 18:42 PM

I agree it should be a personal choice. I will definitely be giving my son his Dad's last name. Reasons being is that even if we ever do split up (which I doubt we will) I have 100% confidence he will still be an amazing father and incredibly involved in our child's life. I wouldn't be having a child with him if I didn't feel this way. I would have no problem with my child having a different last name to me, he has his other parent's name.

My fiance has a son from a previous relationship and that he has his mother's last name. They still have a great relationship and my OH is very involved.

I think if you're having a child with someone and you have a fear that if you split up he won't see the kid then why are you having a child with someone like that? Of course you can't tell the future but you should have confidence that you're OH would still be there for your child together even if you're not in a relationship..?

daydreaming22 · Apr 9th, 2012, 20:06 PM

It is her choice, so all of the RUDE and judgmental posts are unnecessary!

I understand where you are coming from. If I were unmarried and in a rocky relationship I would give the baby my last name. If a man is unwilling to step up, commit and give me his last name, why should the child have it? My mom was a single mother and my dad wasnt around so I have a different perspective. I am VERY glad I had her last name.

To the poster who questioned why she would start a family in a rocky relationship: not everyone starts a family within your definition of an ideal situation. Get off your high horse.

daydreaming22 · Apr 9th, 2012, 20:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChesMik4eva

I agree it should be a personal choice. I will definitely be giving my son his Dad's last name. Reasons being is that even if we ever do split up (which I doubt we will) I have 100% confidence he will still be an amazing father and incredibly involved in our child's life. I wouldn't be having a child with him if I didn't feel this way. I would have no problem with my child having a different last name to me, he has his other parent's name.

My fiance has a son from a previous relationship and that he has his mother's last name. They still have a great relationship and my OH is very involved.

I think if you're having a child with someone and you have a fear that if you split up he won't see the kid then why are you having a child with someone like that? Of course you can't tell the future but you should have confidence that you're OH would still be there for your child together even if you're not in a relationship..?

Like she said, it wasnt planned! And how you think it is your place to question that is beyond me! Sadly, (and statistically) after a split many men take off. She may have a reason to believe he is not ready for parenthood. So unless you know the OPs exact situation, I wouldnt be so judgmental.

mom and ttc · Apr 9th, 2012, 20:11 PM

first of it is your and only your decision.

i got pregnant without being married. we got married at 8 weeks pregnant. if we would not have gotten married there is no way she would have gotten his last name.
mom and babies should have the same last names!

i dated a guy whoms mom, brother and him had all different last names, which was so crazy to me!
My husband and his mom have different names also, just doesnt seem right!

theraphosidae · Apr 9th, 2012, 20:25 PM

My OH and I are common-law and we refer to each other as husband and wife, but we're not legally married. The LO will have his last name for two reasons. One, even if we do split up, he will still be LO's father and I know that he will still want to be in LO's life as much as possible.

The second reason is actually why the OP wants to give the baby her last name. When I was born, my mom was dating someone (they were living together but they hadn't been together long, maybe 5 months or so, and he wasn't my father) and she gave me his last name. So my last name belongs to some guy my mom dated for two years and who I've only met twice, out of chance, it wasn't arranged or anything. So my last name means nothing to me, and I really don't want LO to have a last name that means nothing to him either. I would much rather him have his father's last name.

notmommyyet · Apr 9th, 2012, 20:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daydreaming22

It is her choice, so all of the RUDE and judgmental posts are unnecessary!

I understand where you are coming from. If I were unmarried and in a rocky relationship I would give the baby my last name. If a man is unwilling to step up, commit and give me his last name, why should the child have it? My mom was a single mother and my dad wasnt around so I have a different perspective. I am VERY glad I had her last name.

To the poster who questioned why she would start a family in a rocky relationship: not everyone starts a family within your definition of an ideal situation. Get off your high horse.

Im not on any high horse. I could care less about what she chooses. My point was only that she thought giving a last name was a huge deal in a rocky realationship so i was pointingo out that having a child is the bigger deal. that is all. simple

gamblesrh · Apr 9th, 2012, 20:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notmommyyet

Quote:

Originally Posted by daydreaming22

It is her choice, so all of the RUDE and judgmental posts are unnecessary!

I understand where you are coming from. If I were unmarried and in a rocky relationship I would give the baby my last name. If a man is unwilling to step up, commit and give me his last name, why should the child have it? My mom was a single mother and my dad wasnt around so I have a different perspective. I am VERY glad I had her last name.

To the poster who questioned why she would start a family in a rocky relationship: not everyone starts a family within your definition of an ideal situation. Get off your high horse.

Im not on any high horse. I could care less about what she chooses. My point was only that she thought giving a last name was a huge deal in a rocky realationship so i was pointingo out that having a child is the bigger deal. that is all. simple

what everyone is commenting about what you posted is that is how your post is being taken to everyone reading it which i can see everyone's sides to this situation with me being a mother to 2 that have my maiden name and to 2 that have my married name, i can agree on both sides but when she goes into labor i can almost say for sure that is going to be the last thing on her mind or even her OH i didnt worry about any of my kids last names until we had to then that's when i decided as their mother and speaker for them what it should be.

maybe if you could just re-word what you were trying to say then everyone would be able to understand where you are coming from. i had to go back and read it 2 more times so that i didn't take it the way everyone else is.

ChesMik4eva · Apr 9th, 2012, 21:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daydreaming22

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChesMik4eva

I agree it should be a personal choice. I will definitely be giving my son his Dad's last name. Reasons being is that even if we ever do split up (which I doubt we will) I have 100% confidence he will still be an amazing father and incredibly involved in our child's life. I wouldn't be having a child with him if I didn't feel this way. I would have no problem with my child having a different last name to me, he has his other parent's name.

My fiance has a son from a previous relationship and that he has his mother's last name. They still have a great relationship and my OH is very involved.

I think if you're having a child with someone and you have a fear that if you split up he won't see the kid then why are you having a child with someone like that? Of course you can't tell the future but you should have confidence that you're OH would still be there for your child together even if you're not in a relationship..?

Like she said, it wasnt planned! And how you think it is your place to question that is beyond me! Sadly, (and statistically) after a split many men take off. She may have a reason to believe he is not ready for parenthood. So unless you know the OPs exact situation, I wouldnt be so judgmental.

Sorry - re-read it and yes I do come off as pretty judgmental. OP - I didn't mean to. I 100% agree that it's individual choice and she should do whatever she wants! I was just stating my piece and my situation. Of course if your pregnancy wasn't planned and you're not in a stable relationship you might have those concerns. If you planned your pregnancy and intended to have this child with your current partner I think it's a different story.

daydreaming22 · Apr 9th, 2012, 21:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChesMik4eva

Quote:

Originally Posted by daydreaming22

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChesMik4eva

I agree it should be a personal choice. I will definitely be giving my son his Dad's last name. Reasons being is that even if we ever do split up (which I doubt we will) I have 100% confidence he will still be an amazing father and incredibly involved in our child's life. I wouldn't be having a child with him if I didn't feel this way. I would have no problem with my child having a different last name to me, he has his other parent's name.

My fiance has a son from a previous relationship and that he has his mother's last name. They still have a great relationship and my OH is very involved.

I think if you're having a child with someone and you have a fear that if you split up he won't see the kid then why are you having a child with someone like that? Of course you can't tell the future but you should have confidence that you're OH would still be there for your child together even if you're not in a relationship..?

Like she said, it wasnt planned! And how you think it is your place to question that is beyond me! Sadly, (and statistically) after a split many men take off. She may have a reason to believe he is not ready for parenthood. So unless you know the OPs exact situation, I wouldnt be so judgmental.

Sorry - re-read it and yes I do come off as pretty judgmental. OP - I didn't mean to. I 100% agree that it's individual choice and she should do whatever she wants! I was just stating my piece and my situation. Of course if your pregnancy wasn't planned and you're not in a stable relationship you might have those concerns. If you planned your pregnancy and intended to have this child with your current partner I think it's a different story.

Thats nice of you. And I wanted to let you know It wasnt my intention to attack your post, so Im sorry if I came off rude as well. I am just very hormonal, sick, and I have read some ugly threads tonight and felt the need to defend OP.

LostAndAlone · Apr 10th, 2012, 02:57 AM

all 3 of my kids wil have their dads last name as thats just the way i feel it should be. If we were married they would have it any way and i just always thought babies had their dads surname if he was around and his name was on the birth certificate otherwise what does he really have? Just my personal opinion

Apr 9th, 2012, 18:42 PM	#31
ChesMik4eva Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Darwin, Australia Posts: 1,107	I agree it should be a personal choice. I will definitely be giving my son his Dad's last name. Reasons being is that even if we ever do split up (which I doubt we will) I have 100% confidence he will still be an amazing father and incredibly involved in our child's life. I wouldn't be having a child with him if I didn't feel this way. I would have no problem with my child having a different last name to me, he has his other parent's name. My fiance has a son from a previous relationship and that he has his mother's last name. They still have a great relationship and my OH is very involved. I think if you're having a child with someone and you have a fear that if you split up he won't see the kid then why are you having a child with someone like that? Of course you can't tell the future but you should have confidence that you're OH would still be there for your child together even if you're not in a relationship..?

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Apr 9th, 2012, 20:06 PM	#32
daydreaming22 Waiting To Try (WTT) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Tampa, Fl Posts: 1,625	It is her choice, so all of the RUDE and judgmental posts are unnecessary! I understand where you are coming from. If I were unmarried and in a rocky relationship I would give the baby my last name. If a man is unwilling to step up, commit and give me his last name, why should the child have it? My mom was a single mother and my dad wasnt around so I have a different perspective. I am VERY glad I had her last name. To the poster who questioned why she would start a family in a rocky relationship: not everyone starts a family within your definition of an ideal situation. Get off your high horse.

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 20:11 PM	#34
mom and ttc Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: May 2011 Location: florida Posts: 2,709	first of it is your and only your decision. i got pregnant without being married. we got married at 8 weeks pregnant. if we would not have gotten married there is no way she would have gotten his last name. mom and babies should have the same last names! i dated a guy whoms mom, brother and him had all different last names, which was so crazy to me! My husband and his mom have different names also, just doesnt seem right!

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 20:25 PM	#35
theraphosidae Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada Posts: 1,327	My OH and I are common-law and we refer to each other as husband and wife, but we're not legally married. The LO will have his last name for two reasons. One, even if we do split up, he will still be LO's father and I know that he will still want to be in LO's life as much as possible. The second reason is actually why the OP wants to give the baby her last name. When I was born, my mom was dating someone (they were living together but they hadn't been together long, maybe 5 months or so, and he wasn't my father) and she gave me his last name. So my last name belongs to some guy my mom dated for two years and who I've only met twice, out of chance, it wasn't arranged or anything. So my last name means nothing to me, and I really don't want LO to have a last name that means nothing to him either. I would much rather him have his father's last name.

Status: Offline

Apr 10th, 2012, 02:57 AM	#40
LostAndAlone Pregnant (Expecting) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 1,733	all 3 of my kids wil have their dads last name as thats just the way i feel it should be. If we were married they would have it any way and i just always thought babies had their dads surname if he was around and his name was on the birth certificate otherwise what does he really have? Just my personal opinion

Status: Offline

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