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Old Apr 12th, 2012, 23:11 PM   #1
ChesMik4eva
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Didn't realise how lonely pregnancy is..


I figured once the baby got here I would have a major decrease in social events but it's like it's started already. No one calls me or my OH to hang out anymore. I don't want to go out to pubs or anything but no one even calls to have dinner, come over or do anything!

My friends were really excited and involved at first, wanting to know about the scans and now that the excitement has worn off they never call me anymore. I'm not expecting them to care about my pregnancy as much as me, but I'm still the same person I was before I got pregnant! It's like I've been written off as someone to relate to or even hang out with anymore.

My best friend is in a total different situation to me and is having problems with her boyfriend and wanting to be single so she can't relate to my life right now at all. I understand that but I thought that if we were as close as I thought we were we would still make time for each other and be there? I have to intiate all contact and even then she bails on me 90% of the time.

No one wants to hang out with a pregnant woman! I'm not broken I'm just pregnant... Anyone else had this? I thought this time would be so exciting and it is, but it's hard when you don't have your friends to share it with. I have my OH who is fantastic but sometimes I miss my girls and the different support I had with them.


 
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Old Apr 12th, 2012, 23:19 PM   #2
Miss_Quirky
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Sadly...completely As soon as I got pregnant my two best friends even ditched me. One is now involved kinda...but she bails on me ALL the time. Her boyfriend doesn't wanna hang out with me because I'm pregnant, so she bails for him. my brother is talking to me again though, but it took him a long while.

For some reason pregnant seems to mean "can't do anything" to people -.-


 
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Old Apr 12th, 2012, 23:19 PM   #3
goddess25
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I think its normal unfortunately especially if your friends are not in the same place as you. I lost quite a few friends that I thought were friends for life once children came into it but I gained some new ones once my children were born which was good.

Sorry your feeling lonely but unless you have a support system in place like friends with children etc its very hard, and very very hard when children come along. You might want to research what groups are in your area, and join some pregnancy fitness classes or other pregnancy related activities to meet people in the same boat.


 
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Old Apr 12th, 2012, 23:26 PM   #4
ChesMik4eva
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss_Quirky View Post
Sadly...completely As soon as I got pregnant my two best friends even ditched me. One is now involved kinda...but she bails on me ALL the time. Her boyfriend doesn't wanna hang out with me because I'm pregnant, so she bails for him. my brother is talking to me again though, but it took him a long while.

For some reason pregnant seems to mean "can't do anything" to people -.-
Yep it seems to be the way doesn't it. It might also be because we are younger than most first time mums so there aren't many people with kids in our age group around.

My best friend is my OH and my Mum!


 
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Old Apr 12th, 2012, 23:31 PM   #5
Miss_Quirky
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^ Yeah, it's even harder for people who don't think beyond there "I wanna go drink and party" bubble :/

My mum and brother are definitely my best friends right now. He calls me at least once a week just to make sure I am okay emotionally, but when I first got pregnant he FREAKED.


 
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Old Apr 12th, 2012, 23:31 PM   #6
ChesMik4eva
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Originally Posted by goddess25 View Post
I think its normal unfortunately especially if your friends are not in the same place as you. I lost quite a few friends that I thought were friends for life once children came into it but I gained some new ones once my children were born which was good.

Sorry your feeling lonely but unless you have a support system in place like friends with children etc its very hard, and very very hard when children come along. You might want to research what groups are in your area, and join some pregnancy fitness classes or other pregnancy related activities to meet people in the same boat.
Yeah I know exactly what you're saying. If all my friends were in the same boat I hope it would be different, unfortunately it's hard for them to relate. I understand all this, but I still think it's a little sad that people can't be bothered with you anymore just because they aren't going through it. It would be nice if they could be there, even if it's just to come hang out one afternoon and talk shit with me.

I live in a pretty small town and the mother's groups are usually filled with women in there 30's and are married etc and I'm 19. I should check it out though, might meet some nice people but I get a bit scared I won't fit in...


 
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Old Apr 13th, 2012, 01:15 AM   #7
mandwrx
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When some of my friends started having babies before me, I assumed that they weren't interested in getting together anymore, that they had more important things to do or different interests. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my 1st that I realised how isolating it can be and apologised to close friends who I didn't see much during their pregnancies. It's not that I didn't want to see them, just made incorrect assumptions about what they would want / not want to do. Also, if your friends are not that interested in baby talk, it can get a little boring for them to hear about it, I try not to talk about my pregnancy unless asked


 
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Old Apr 13th, 2012, 01:19 AM   #8
ChesMik4eva
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When some of my friends started having babies before me, I assumed that they weren't interested in getting together anymore, that they had more important things to do or different interests. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my 1st that I realised how isolating it can be and apologised to close friends who I didn't see much during their pregnancies. It's not that I didn't want to see them, just made incorrect assumptions about what they would want / not want to do. Also, if your friends are not that interested in baby talk, it can get a little boring for them to hear about it, I try not to talk about my pregnancy unless asked
I understand where you're coming from thanks. That could be the case except that I've been making all the attempts to hang out with them. So if I"m making the effort, doesn't that indicate that I want to see them and I'm still the same?

And yes I 100% agree that baby talk gets tedious to someone that isn't pregnant or doesn't have kids and I am very conscious of talking about anything baby related when I do see my friends. Usually they ask me and I'll respond but I don't talk about it much otherwise.

So I really can't help but think they just aren't very interested and have written me off!


 
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Old Apr 13th, 2012, 01:20 AM   #9
mandwrx
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChesMik4eva View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by goddess25 View Post
I think its normal unfortunately especially if your friends are not in the same place as you. I lost quite a few friends that I thought were friends for life once children came into it but I gained some new ones once my children were born which was good.

Sorry your feeling lonely but unless you have a support system in place like friends with children etc its very hard, and very very hard when children come along. You might want to research what groups are in your area, and join some pregnancy fitness classes or other pregnancy related activities to meet people in the same boat.
Yeah I know exactly what you're saying. If all my friends were in the same boat I hope it would be different, unfortunately it's hard for them to relate. I understand all this, but I still think it's a little sad that people can't be bothered with you anymore just because they aren't going through it. It would be nice if they could be there, even if it's just to come hang out one afternoon and talk shit with me.

I live in a pretty small town and the mother's groups are usually filled with women in there 30's and are married etc and I'm 19. I should check it out though, might meet some nice people but I get a bit scared I won't fit in...
Also ... I was a young mum and tried a few different mothers groups before I found one I liked, a couple of the mums and I just 'clicked' so we branched off and just had our own play days at one another's houses. In my early 20's I made a fabulous friend in her mid 40's!! Big age difference, but we just clicked and will always be close though now we live states apart, you never know who you might meet!!


 
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Old Apr 13th, 2012, 01:35 AM   #10
ChesMik4eva
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mandwrx View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChesMik4eva View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by goddess25 View Post
I think its normal unfortunately especially if your friends are not in the same place as you. I lost quite a few friends that I thought were friends for life once children came into it but I gained some new ones once my children were born which was good.

Sorry your feeling lonely but unless you have a support system in place like friends with children etc its very hard, and very very hard when children come along. You might want to research what groups are in your area, and join some pregnancy fitness classes or other pregnancy related activities to meet people in the same boat.
Yeah I know exactly what you're saying. If all my friends were in the same boat I hope it would be different, unfortunately it's hard for them to relate. I understand all this, but I still think it's a little sad that people can't be bothered with you anymore just because they aren't going through it. It would be nice if they could be there, even if it's just to come hang out one afternoon and talk shit with me.

I live in a pretty small town and the mother's groups are usually filled with women in there 30's and are married etc and I'm 19. I should check it out though, might meet some nice people but I get a bit scared I won't fit in...
Also ... I was a young mum and tried a few different mothers groups before I found one I liked, a couple of the mums and I just 'clicked' so we branched off and just had our own play days at one another's houses. In my early 20's I made a fabulous friend in her mid 40's!! Big age difference, but we just clicked and will always be close though now we live states apart, you never know who you might meet!!
Thanks for the advice. I might try it out. Do you join them after your baby is born? I like the idea, I'm just a bit nervous about not being accepted.


 
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