Worst response to announcing pregnancy - Page 2

mitchymoo · Apr 16th, 2012, 11:12 AM

Oh no that's not a time to bring it up, I knows hard to m/c but you till need to congratulate. I have lost 2. The last one- a work colleague announced she was pregnant and said to me wouldnt it be lovely if you was pregnant as well I just said yeah lovely- I had m/c week before this was my first day back. But I didn't want to rain on her parade it was personal to me and inconsiderate for me to tell her.
Big hugs xxx

1eighty · Apr 16th, 2012, 11:13 AM

Yeah, that's pretty raw.

My OH's dad's response: Is that why you're getting married, then?

Git.

Some people deal with grief in a very open way, I guess it's their way of processing things. I'd be just as open if the worst happened with us, but certainly not in response to someone announcing their good news. I guess my response to that would be to ask them questions: How far along were you? Are you going to try again? That kind of thing. If they're going to be open about their loss maybe it's a sign they need to talk about it.

ChuggaBump · Apr 16th, 2012, 11:35 AM

Yeah I just said how sorry I was and asked a couple of questions and things.

I guess I wouldn't expect her to be over the moon for me because it's all still so raw and she wishes it was her not me.

And literally 10 minutes later someone else said to me "I've been trying for 2 years - what are you doing that I'm not??"

It was a group of friends I met when DS was tiny so I guess we're all at that stage of thinking about number 2.

Life is very unfair and I feel extremely blessed, but it's very hard when other people make you feel guilty for something that you have absolutely no control over.

I do feel for them both though.

Mrs C P · Apr 16th, 2012, 11:38 AM

omg, thats an awful thing to say to you. Im sure she is having a really tough time, i've had friends go through it and its bloody awful for anyone, however you wouldnt dream of saying that to a pregnant lady when she tells you her news!!! i think she was completely out of order to say that to you.

hope you are ok

_Lexi_ · Apr 16th, 2012, 11:48 AM

I don't think she was out of order. I'm 10 weeks on from losing my little boy. He lived for 8 hours at 34 weeks. At the moment, I would probably say something along the same lines. When you're grief stricken, you're not thinking straight. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt or offend you, it's just hard being around pregnant women sometimes and might of just caught her off guard. Be gentle on her. I'm sure she is pleased for you, just not able to express it just yet xx

LeighAnne · Apr 16th, 2012, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Lexi_

I don't think she was out of order. I'm 10 weeks on from losing my little boy. He lived for 8 hours at 34 weeks. At the moment, I would probably say something along the same lines. When you're grief stricken, you're not thinking straight. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt or offend you, it's just hard being around pregnant women sometimes and might of just caught her off guard. Be gentle on her. I'm sure she is pleased for you, just not able to express it just yet xx

I totally agree with you. I lost twins at 23 weeks. Very traumatising. The grief and pain you feel, sometimes you HATE the world!!!! I can completely relate and I am sorry that you felt offended. Just say a prayer that you or any of you other ladies who think she was wrong, never have to go through a loss. I mean, losing a baby early in pregnancy is tough as I have had a loss like that as well, but you have no idea what her circumstance was. How could you do anything BUT show condolences???

mommapowers32 · Apr 16th, 2012, 11:59 AM

That is a horrible thing to say to a newly expecting mother.... I know that she maybe caught up in her own pain... but still. I feel for her and hugs to you!

leoniebabey · Apr 16th, 2012, 12:17 PM

bit awkward! i'd just say something like oh sorry to hear

mixedbeautyx · Apr 16th, 2012, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeighAnne

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Lexi_

I don't think she was out of order. I'm 10 weeks on from losing my little boy. He lived for 8 hours at 34 weeks. At the moment, I would probably say something along the same lines. When you're grief stricken, you're not thinking straight. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt or offend you, it's just hard being around pregnant women sometimes and might of just caught her off guard. Be gentle on her. I'm sure she is pleased for you, just not able to express it just yet xx

I totally agree with you. I lost twins at 23 weeks. Very traumatising. The grief and pain you feel, sometimes you HATE the world!!!! I can completely relate and I am sorry that you felt offended. Just say a prayer that you or any of you other ladies who think she was wrong, never have to go through a loss. I mean, losing a baby early in pregnancy is tough as I have had a loss like that as well, but you have no idea what her circumstance was. How could you do anything BUT show condolences???

I agree with this, I am sure she didnt mean to offend you in anyway. I would of probably responded "im so sorry" and left it at that.

Twinkie210 · Apr 16th, 2012, 12:33 PM

I don't think it was really inappropriate, just a bit awkward the way it was stated. You may have just caught her on a really difficult day. I have been there and after losing a baby seeing people announcing pregnancies is hard. She was probably just looking for a way to talk about it and didn't think about how uneasy posting it on your announcement would make you feel.

Apr 16th, 2012, 11:12 AM	#11
mitchymoo Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 288	Oh no that's not a time to bring it up, I knows hard to m/c but you till need to congratulate. I have lost 2. The last one- a work colleague announced she was pregnant and said to me wouldnt it be lovely if you was pregnant as well I just said yeah lovely- I had m/c week before this was my first day back. But I didn't want to rain on her parade it was personal to me and inconsiderate for me to tell her. Big hugs xxx

Status: Offline

Apr 16th, 2012, 11:13 AM	#12
1eighty Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Bonnie Scotland Posts: 1,453	Yeah, that's pretty raw. My OH's dad's response: Is that why you're getting married, then? Git. Some people deal with grief in a very open way, I guess it's their way of processing things. I'd be just as open if the worst happened with us, but certainly not in response to someone announcing their good news. I guess my response to that would be to ask them questions: How far along were you? Are you going to try again? That kind of thing. If they're going to be open about their loss maybe it's a sign they need to talk about it.

Status: Offline

Apr 16th, 2012, 11:35 AM	#13
ChuggaBump Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 955	Yeah I just said how sorry I was and asked a couple of questions and things. I guess I wouldn't expect her to be over the moon for me because it's all still so raw and she wishes it was her not me. And literally 10 minutes later someone else said to me "I've been trying for 2 years - what are you doing that I'm not??" It was a group of friends I met when DS was tiny so I guess we're all at that stage of thinking about number 2. Life is very unfair and I feel extremely blessed, but it's very hard when other people make you feel guilty for something that you have absolutely no control over. I do feel for them both though.

Status: Offline

Apr 16th, 2012, 11:38 AM	#14
Mrs C P Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Hampshire, UK Posts: 368	omg, thats an awful thing to say to you. Im sure she is having a really tough time, i've had friends go through it and its bloody awful for anyone, however you wouldnt dream of saying that to a pregnant lady when she tells you her news!!! i think she was completely out of order to say that to you. hope you are ok

Status: Offline

Apr 16th, 2012, 11:48 AM	#15
_Lexi_ Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 3,049	I don't think she was out of order. I'm 10 weeks on from losing my little boy. He lived for 8 hours at 34 weeks. At the moment, I would probably say something along the same lines. When you're grief stricken, you're not thinking straight. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt or offend you, it's just hard being around pregnant women sometimes and might of just caught her off guard. Be gentle on her. I'm sure she is pleased for you, just not able to express it just yet xx

Status: Online

Apr 16th, 2012, 11:59 AM	#17
mommapowers32 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 738	That is a horrible thing to say to a newly expecting mother.... I know that she maybe caught up in her own pain... but still. I feel for her and hugs to you!

Status: Offline

Apr 16th, 2012, 12:17 PM	#18
leoniebabey Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: UK Newcastle Posts: 8,957	bit awkward! i'd just say something like oh sorry to hear

Status: Offline

Apr 16th, 2012, 12:33 PM	#20
Twinkie210 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Illinois Posts: 5,828	I don't think it was really inappropriate, just a bit awkward the way it was stated. You may have just caught her on a really difficult day. I have been there and after losing a baby seeing people announcing pregnancies is hard. She was probably just looking for a way to talk about it and didn't think about how uneasy posting it on your announcement would make you feel.

Status: Offline

User Name		Remember Me?
Password