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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 17:40 PM   1
Mum (Mom)
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Help after delivery...Should I take it?

I have been posting like crazy lately. Probably because I have so many questions. This thread may have many opinions, I think its more influenced by cultural type stuff but it could just be that I have a very generous family. Anyway, here goes.

So since I got pregnant, my mom has been urging me to consider staying with her 2 weeks after baby is born. She has the extra room set up and everything, but I don't know if I should. DH doesn't want to. There are pros and cons to it. Here are the pros with an (M) for my mothers suggestion, (H) for husbands suggestion (V) for my agreeing.

Just really want third party advice.

-If we get help and then are left to do it alone, we will not want to do it (H/V)
-Baby won't be in its own home (H/V)
-Too much interaction from people who aren't baby's parents (H)
-Bonding can be broken (H)
-Our dogs will not be used to baby (H)
-Unnecessary intervention from mother/father in law(H)
-Not be at home in my comfort zone (H/V)
-Won't sleep in own bed (H/V)
-Will have to pack stuff up (H/V)

-Help while I heal (M/V)
-Help so I can get rest through the night (M/V)
-Won't have to cook/clean anything (M/V)
-If I have a question/worry will have help (M/V)
-Just help in general (M)

I agree with my mom/family on getting help, but I feel comfortable in my own house. I am trying to urge my mom to come stay at my place if she really wants to help, but she is insistent on me staying at her place. I don't know if I should take it.

I know my DH feels like my mom is going to take over and try to tell us how to do things and all, but she isn't like that. I know she isn't. She just really wants to help us out cause she got the same help when she had her babies. I am very inclined to stay home, I just don't know. Its eating me up inside as I am coming to the end of my pregnancy. Thought I could put it off, and I did, but now its coming to decision time. DH won't be happy but ultimately he will let me do what I want.

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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 17:44 PM   2
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What about having your mom at your house during the day(if she lives close enough) that way you and your oh have time alone with LO your dogs get used to baby and you can set up your own routine

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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 17:45 PM   3
Mum (Mom)
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If you feel that you're honestly going to be more comfortable in your own home, then your mom should totally respect that and stay at your place and help you out there. Your DH will feel more comfortable as well - granted you're the one giving birth, but you want to respect his opinion as well even if ultimately he is willing to let you do what you want. Just my two cents... Hope you figure things out

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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 17:48 PM   4
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I would never stay postpartum anywhere but home. I've never been through it but I know it's a time of discomfort, exhaustion, and learning how to be a family. You need your own space and comfort. She can go to you if she wants to help. I entirely agree with husband on this.

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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 18:07 PM   5
Mum (Mom)
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I think you will totally want your own space with your new family. You only become a family of "3" once. While i totally appreciated my moms help I was always ready to be alone and bond with baby when she did leave. And i had a c-section. My opinion would be to stay home and get in your own routine at your own house!

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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 21:01 PM   6
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There are other ways for her to help other than you staying with her. In fact, I'm not sure staying with her will help you as a family of three in the long run. It might actually hurt you. You have your own family now and you and DH will be there to support each other. I think it would actually be disrespectful toward your dh to stay with your mom. He is there for you. I'm sure your mom has the best of intensions, but it also sounds like she has some boundary issues. Accept her help, but in your own home, not hers.

Well, thats my opinion anyway.

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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 21:13 PM   7
Mum (Mom)
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I would def. go home to your guy's house after you are released from the hospital. You are going to be doing this on your own and it is better to get in your own space, and start to get to know your little one. Also I do agree that your dogs need to get used to baby as soon as possible. Your husband is going to want to bring something from the hospital that smells like the baby before you are released.

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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 21:20 PM   8
Mum (Mom)
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Home! Without a doubt or question. You def need that bonding time w baby as a family without parents interfering... Your more comfortable at home and lastur hubby can help w cleaning or tidying up while you heal. Ur mother can come over during the day if needed for some extra help.

I fractured my tailbone during birth in jan and literally was bed ridden for the entire first week. My hubby had to give me baby, and i honestly couldnt do it without him...but u guys can def do this together!

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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 22:04 PM   9
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Everything in the pros part are things I believe your OH could do for you from the comfort of your own home, maybe tell him if he wants to be at home he will have to compensate for all the extra help and see how he feels then

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Old Nov 12th, 2013, 22:08 PM   10
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I would for sure go home if you feel more comfortable there.

Chances are you will want to, or have to, spend basically all of your time with LO anyway. Especially if you BF.

Did we eat and appreciate the food a few friends brought by for us? YES. Very much so! I even had some visits from friends and family that I really enjoyed and was grateful for. But they were on my terms. My mom came over often to spend time with us in the first weeks postpartum and sometimes it was just not helpful to have her there. More than once I actually said to her, "Ok, thank you for coming over, it was good to see you, but now it's time for you to leave." Wouldn't have been able to do that if we'd been staying with her.

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