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Old May 9th, 2017, 19:39 PM   11
DobbyForever
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Awww I love the collages! That's a good point. My cousin posts pictures of her two kids all the time, and I go back and forth (even on the same day) who they look like. We're both just scared about bonding. I already know he'll have a hard time bonding with a baby who doesn't necessarily interact back, so if he looked like SO then it might help. I also hated the way I looked as a baby hahaha. To the point that I used to joke that ugly babies make cute adults.



 
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Old May 9th, 2017, 20:15 PM   12
MyFavSurprise
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I totally get that. I had a hard time bonding with our first (my second) but I think it was because he went to the NICU and I didnt allow myself to worry about it, i just blocked it out.. he also cried a LOT because of digestive issues and I just tried to get by. My husband, however bonded with him instantly and had trouble bonding with our newest. I didn't admit my trouble bonding until recently because i didnt want to sound like I couldn't handle it but that was dumb because talking about it was the only thing that helped.

I couldn't help but feel broken hearted when my husband told me he felt depressed and wasnt bonding with baby 3 because i felt totally different, but talking about it has helped both of us. Just try to keep communication open and watch for the ppd signs for both of you, daddies can get it too. I also now point out everything he is good at and it makes him feel like a better dad.. i have him do the swaddle all the time and burp him because he does it better, and Zephyr loves to just stare at him and listen to his voice so I always make a big deal about how sweet it is. I think he just needs to feel needed.



 
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Old May 9th, 2017, 20:33 PM   13
DobbyForever
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Yeah, I know everyone says once your baby is born you just magically fall in love and society makes moms feel guilty when that's not the case. I know a lot of moms who didn't fall immediately in love. I'm hoping some immediate skin to skin will help, but we'll see. Some days I feel like I love him and others I'm like omg bump go awaaaaay. But SO doesn't want to be in the room for delivery/ until baby is clean, so he's likely going to miss the first hour of skin to skin. He said, "So? As long as I'm next in line to hold my son it's cool." r_r

PPD scares me. I have anxiety and depression naturally, and they have subsided a lot during pregnancy. So I'm terrified once I have baby, I'll fall back into depression.



 
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Old May 9th, 2017, 20:52 PM   14
xdxxtx
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DobbyForever View Post
Yeah, I know everyone says once your baby is born you just magically fall in love and society makes moms feel guilty when that's not the case. I know a lot of moms who didn't fall immediately in love. I'm hoping some immediate skin to skin will help, but we'll see. Some days I feel like I love him and others I'm like omg bump go awaaaaay. But SO doesn't want to be in the room for delivery/ until baby is clean, so he's likely going to miss the first hour of skin to skin. He said, "So? As long as I'm next in line to hold my son it's cool." r_r

PPD scares me. I have anxiety and depression naturally, and they have subsided a lot during pregnancy. So I'm terrified once I have baby, I'll fall back into depression.
With my second-born, I did NOT have that immediate bond. My OH did... They've been inseparable since his birth, and I really do appreciate it... but with my other three, the bond was immediate and INTENSE. The only difference with my second-born was that my OH lied to me and totally broke my heart while I was already going through PPD for the second time... and I might just resent my baby for it. The other difference was that I was unable to nurse my second-born. I nursed my others. My second-born and I are SUPER close now, but we have to be intentional to bond with one another. I put extra effort into him and give him extra hugs and kisses. For some reason, I feel like every time he gives me a tight hug, I like him a little more. And of course I love them all the same.

As for PPD, just don't mess with it. If you or anyone around you see any of the symptoms, get it treated immediately. I had it soooooo badly with my first-born and was in denial, but my OH was able to tell my OB that I had it and got me the help that I needed. I felt better almost immediately after starting treatment (Zoloft).



 
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Old May 10th, 2017, 05:56 AM   15
MyFavSurprise
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I definitely denied my ppd with my 2nd born and i wish I had just told my husband so he could have helped me.. i still dont like to admit that I had borderline psychosis with it, I kept telling myself "if it gets worse ill tell him..."
I have had bad depression and anxiety and ocd issues my whole life too and with my first baby I didn't even have the baby blues, just soo much amazing love. I really didnt see it coming with baby 2, after all, with my first I was a single mom hiding from the stalking scary birth father, dealing with a physically abusive boyfriend, and then with my second 4-5 years later, married to a wonderful man, planned baby.. i definitely thought if i didnt have it the first time then the second would be just as amazing. It's good you are prepared for the idea of it, it happens and is just as normal the denial makes it way worse.



 
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