Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old May 10th, 2017, 16:09 PM   1
Pulirula
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: US
Posts: 259

How to break the news you don't want them in delivery room


Ok quick story. With my DD my mom was in the room with us. We didn't really want her in there but I had to start pushing fast so it she ended up staying. Well fast forward 7 years I'm due in August and she keeps talking about being in the room. I don't know how to tell her we don't want her there. I've been hinting to her like "ya our DD will be in the waiting room with you guys" and stuff like that. I haven't said anything to make her think she's invited. Idk how to tell her without breaking her heart. My hubs works an hour away and if this baby comes fast I'm going to need my mom to take his place but if he can be there I want him. Help!



Status: Offline
 
Old May 10th, 2017, 18:01 PM   2
MyFavSurprise
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,958
I don't have great advice unfortunately but my sister always got herself into the delivery room and last time she tried to get my preteen and teen niece and nephews in while i was screaming and pushing. This time i wanted it to be just my husband and I, so i told everyone that due to flu season no visitors were allowed, because there's no way she would understand if I told her the truth and i didnt want to hurt her feelings. Would your mom understand if you told her you just want it to be intimate between you and your husband?



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 10th, 2017, 18:04 PM   3
Parkep
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: British columbia, Canada
Posts: 4,700
Unfortunately I think you have to come out and say your plans. I would tell her if OH can be there you want it just the two of you, but if he doesn't make it you would be happy to have her in the room with you.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 10th, 2017, 18:08 PM   4
Pulirula
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: US
Posts: 259
I think she's going to really upset because she was In There the first time. I was also 23 at the time and now I'm 31 and o know what's going to happen I don't feel like I "need" her to be there. My hubs and I weren't married at the time and he was a major alcoholic so I'm glad she was there with us. But we are different now and he wants to be the one to support me and help with labor. ( last time I was in labor I was in the bath having contractions and he came in with a book and sat next to the tub and put his feet up! I could have killed him right there!!!) but he's different now. He's sober and wants it just us.



Status: Offline
 
Old May 10th, 2017, 18:32 PM   5
Parkep
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: British columbia, Canada
Posts: 4,700
Yes she will probably be a little bit hurt. But she will be okay. I would explain it just like that. Things have changed, you are in a different place in your lives and want your husband as your support person this time. I hope she will understand.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 10th, 2017, 21:06 PM   6
DobbyForever
Pregnant (Expecting)
BnB Elite
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay, California
Posts: 12,100
I agree just being super open and honest. She'll be hurt because she's your mom and no matter what still sees you as her little girl who will always need her mom. Maybe it would help to play up that she's the only one you trust to keep DD calm, and really say this is a great time for grandma to bond with granddaughter before baby comes on top of you needing your space.

TBH this was a big draw of a doula. As soon as my friend said "I can be the bad guy with kicking people out or sending them on errands" I was like SIGN ME UP! lol So I just gave her a list of who can stay during labor and who can stay during deliver and she's ready to be the b* on my behalf hehehe



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 10th, 2017, 21:31 PM   7
Pulirula
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: US
Posts: 259
I don't know if I should tell her over the phone or in person. I see her all the time but I'm really bad with telling people this kind of stuff. I think over the phone would just be a quick pulling off the band aid thing and give her time to deal with it. In person it might get harder. Plus she's on the cusp on menopause so she's super emotional now anyway.



Status: Offline
 
Old May 10th, 2017, 21:45 PM   8
DobbyForever
Pregnant (Expecting)
BnB Elite
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay, California
Posts: 12,100
I vote whichever is easier on you tbh. I know some people say it's not polite, but meh. I think phone is fine. Just maybe not text. Though I've done that. I'm bad with confrontation lol.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 10th, 2017, 21:57 PM   9
StillPraying
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: California
Posts: 4,627
Being honest is always best, but you could also blame your hospital and say they only allow one person in during delivery. I hate hurting family members feelings.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old May 11th, 2017, 02:43 AM   10
SonnyH
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 745
Agree with the above, I think you just have to be honest. She is a grown up and this is yours & your OH baby, not hers. I'm with you on hating confrontation, so just do what's best for you. Can you take your partner with you for support? So you can say that you are a team and this time, you'd like to just do it together. Plus your partner will be less emotionally involved and perhaps be able to explain better!

I've always been ademant that it'll always just be me and my OH in labour, I personally don't really get having your mum there as well (if you are in a happy, loving relationship- obviously different if not!) .. for me, pregnancy & labour & the child is about you and your partner. But that's just me. My mum thankfully has the same opinion! At the end of the day, it's your labour and you must have if how you want it. You never know, she might suprise you and be totally fine with it! Or hopefully she'll at least act that way to you even if she's a bit disappointed privately!



 
Status: Offline
 
Reply



Bookmarks

Tags
break , delivery , news , room

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



SEO by vBSEO