Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Oct 28th, 2017, 09:46 AM   11
laura109
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 2,446
It's normal. Tbh I'm more scared about fitting another child in. I know I will do it but my two year old is extremely clingy and demanding since September. It's taking so long to get her to sleep at night I can see things becoming really tough. I've been through different emotions too like you. Like how will she cope. How will I divide my time. But then I think of Christmas and birthdays and weekends. I think of him giggling whilst my daughter runs around. I think of them having a bath together and snuggles on the sofa and think we will be fine xx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 28th, 2017, 13:48 PM   12
xdxxtx
Other
BnB Addict
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 9,615
Here's my take... My first two babies are 17 months apart, and I didn't feel that guilt. I had one sibling, 10 years my senior, and my parents were workaholics, so I was on my own all the time. I always wanted a sibling, so I was thrilled to create a pair of siblings close in age. Now, I have 5 children. They're 5 1/2, 4, 3, 20 months, and almost-3-months old. I *always* give my advice to parents who are worried about sibling dynamics or jealousy or forcing your child to give up getting to have all of your time. Here goes............

Your child sounds THRILLED to be a big sibling. That is exactly what we want. Kudos on letting your child feel SO LOVED and independent and confident enough to know that you'll love her and that she'll be your baby even with another baby in her life. You're doing GREAT! Just be careful about feeling sad/guilty because our children DO pick up on our feelings, and they often take on our feelings as theirs.

When you're feeling sad and guilty about giving up some of your child's time or attention, this is a good thing to remember. My OH's mom passed away when we were 7 months along with our first baby. OH's father had pretty much disowned OH and my SIL years prior in order to run off with someone else and make a new family with her. So, here's a pair of siblings with no parents in their lives. They have each other. When I pass away, I want my children to have each other. I don't want them to be alone. You're giving BOTH of your children the gift of having a sibling - now teach them to take care of one another and help them learn empathy and to develop a wonderful relationship, and they'll always have each other.

One more thing. If you're breastfeeding, and your baby is constantly attached to you, that's fine. Let it be, and enjoy your older child anyway. However, as soon as your baby can go an hour or two without being with YOU - and can be with your OH for that hour or two - my suggestion is to start dating your daughter. Since we have 5 kids, my OH and I will each take a month where ONE of us will go on one date with each of our children (not yet including our 3-month-old). That way, each of the kids gets special one-on-one time. The ONLY rule is that on our dates, we don't talk about their siblings. It's all about them. I can't recommend it enough.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 28th, 2017, 14:57 PM   13
oliv
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 2,737
My first two are 16 months apart and I had awful guilt in the 3rd trimester. I sat and cried so many times about it and then felt guilty for my unborn that I was crying because he would be here soon.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Oct 29th, 2017, 13:07 PM   14
jade1991
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: South Wales, UK
Posts: 1,485
Quote:
Originally Posted by xdxxtx View Post
Here's my take... My first two babies are 17 months apart, and I didn't feel that guilt. I had one sibling, 10 years my senior, and my parents were workaholics, so I was on my own all the time. I always wanted a sibling, so I was thrilled to create a pair of siblings close in age. Now, I have 5 children. They're 5 1/2, 4, 3, 20 months, and almost-3-months old. I *always* give my advice to parents who are worried about sibling dynamics or jealousy or forcing your child to give up getting to have all of your time. Here goes............

Your child sounds THRILLED to be a big sibling. That is exactly what we want. Kudos on letting your child feel SO LOVED and independent and confident enough to know that you'll love her and that she'll be your baby even with another baby in her life. You're doing GREAT! Just be careful about feeling sad/guilty because our children DO pick up on our feelings, and they often take on our feelings as theirs.

When you're feeling sad and guilty about giving up some of your child's time or attention, this is a good thing to remember. My OH's mom passed away when we were 7 months along with our first baby. OH's father had pretty much disowned OH and my SIL years prior in order to run off with someone else and make a new family with her. So, here's a pair of siblings with no parents in their lives. They have each other. When I pass away, I want my children to have each other. I don't want them to be alone. You're giving BOTH of your children the gift of having a sibling - now teach them to take care of one another and help them learn empathy and to develop a wonderful relationship, and they'll always have each other.

One more thing. If you're breastfeeding, and your baby is constantly attached to you, that's fine. Let it be, and enjoy your older child anyway. However, as soon as your baby can go an hour or two without being with YOU - and can be with your OH for that hour or two - my suggestion is to start dating your daughter. Since we have 5 kids, my OH and I will each take a month where ONE of us will go on one date with each of our children (not yet including our 3-month-old). That way, each of the kids gets special one-on-one time. The ONLY rule is that on our dates, we don't talk about their siblings. It's all about them. I can't recommend it enough.
Thank you so much for this. Not sure if I'm over emotional but your post made me well up ❤ so pleased you have such a large loving family!!



 
Status: Offline
 

SEO by vBSEO