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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 17:00 PM   1
Fire_fly
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Visitors after baby stress


Hi girls, sorry not really a third trimester question but wondered what is everyone doing about visitors after baby is born? My section is in 4 days and I had planned to have grandparents visit the day after in hospital as I'd find this less stressful so we can have a peaceful few days at home (getting used to bf and my daughter getting used to being a big sister, also the first few days after a section) but turns out I might be home the next day and feeling a bit stressed now.
I had certain family members trying to take over when my daughter was born, taking her off me the minute I walked through the door, going in a mood if they couldn't bottle feed her (I didn't bf with my first) and complaining they didn't get time with her on their own enough, to name a few. It ended in a big falling out that has since been patched up but was awful at the time. Really don't want a repeat.
I'm trying to decided whether to have vistors on the first day home this time for an hour or two then request no visitors for a few days as I just want to be with my own little family or have them visit after a few days? I know with the day 3-4 hormones though and milk coming in, I might regret that.

I'm setting clear boundaries this time though that I will not be putting up with anyone demanding baby of me and if they don't like it, not my problem. Has been good until today when it seemed like it's headed that way again and am determined I'm putting a stop to it before it starts this time.
Sorry, this is long but just wondered what you would do? And what you are doing re, visitors? Thanks



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 17:52 PM   2
gezimmom
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I'm surprised you are going home the next day! I'm always kept three days with my sections. I think just putting your foot down and remembering it's you and your baby. My mom got in a tizzy when she tried ignoring me and taking the baby last time. I ended up yelling at her and she left really dramatically. She got over it and while I could have been nicer, I don't regret speaking my mind and standing up for myself!



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 18:03 PM   3
WackyMumof2
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This is YOUR baby so everyone can be damn respectful of that and give you the time you need before you are up for visitors! There is nothing worse than back to back visitors from the moment you have given birth then people who all get butthurt and upset because they can't have the baby. Set those boundaries and make them clear! Let hubby know how you feel and ask him to support you and baby. There is a lot going on with a newborn without adding endless visitors to the mix! State at the hospital who you are allowing in and you are not in the mood for others. As for when you get home, keep the door locked with a note on it. Good friends and family will often walk in themselves and if the idea of this is stressing you out, easiest solution is to keep the door locked. People wanting to see a new baby shouldn't show up unannounced anyhow in my opinion so I wouldn't be welcoming them in. All you need on the note is simply 'Please text and arrange a time that works with us rather than showing up unannounced. Thank you for understanding'. If people genuinely care, they will respect that. If not, then hey, you don't need them.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 18:05 PM   4
WackyMumof2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gezimmom View Post
I'm surprised you are going home the next day! I'm always kept three days with my sections. I think just putting your foot down and remembering it's you and your baby. My mom got in a tizzy when she tried ignoring me and taking the baby last time. I ended up yelling at her and she left really dramatically. She got over it and while I could have been nicer, I don't regret speaking my mind and standing up for myself!
Some people just have no sense of personal boundries!! I'm like that with my MIL. I don't mind if she wants cuddles but I'm NOT having her help herself nor am I having her take the baby from my arms. She can wait until he's passed to her! I also don't let anyone pick my baby up or lie my baby in their bed. That's MINE and my partner's job!



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 18:32 PM   5
Fire_fly
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Thanks girls. Definitely, this time round, I'm putting my foot down. It's been a difficult enough pregnancy as it is and now I'm meant to factor in other people and put their needs first after having a baby, not going to happen. I was told today not to "push people away" or "burn bridges" as I'll need help when I expressed my wishes for what I wanted after baby is born. My partner is fully supportive luckily and will support me in what I want. Just fed up as it's not about other people and really don't need the stress. I'm not 100% sure if I'll get out the next day, might be 2 days but I was told today that it could be if I'm on my feet and well enough, all part of the enhanced recovery programme.
Was really hoping just to get visitors out the way at the hospital if I could though as it's less stressful and gets it out the way, really don't want them on the first day at home.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 21:35 PM   6
HopeBT
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Fire, I am so sorry that you have this unnecessary stress. Try not to stress yourself with other people`s need and wish, although it can be hard. But if these people are your family and friends, they really should understand and respect your wishes. After all you are the one who went through this pregnancy and bringing this baby to this world, so you should have the final say. Wondering if you let them know exactly how you feel and tell them that you will be grateful if they can visit in few days would be a good approach?
It is a custom where I am from, people are not allowed to visit newborn until baby is 1 month or older, so I am quite shocked and upset to hear about this
Best of luck for your section hun xxx



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 22:26 PM   7
laura109
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My sons two weeks old and I'll be honest visitors have made the first two weeks tough. Not for any bad reason but it's left me feeling overwhelmed. Our little one went back in with jaundice at 2 days. I had spent day one at home stressed about keeping it tidy for family and the midwife. It just continued from there. If I didn't have to be up for a midwife or health visitor it was family. Two times I got up super early to tidy up and get myself showered and they cancelled. Honestly wish we could of had at least 3 days of uninterrupted time. I have a toddler too and I am trying to find a way to get us all sorted so the house is tidy and we can actually go out. Don't let people rob you of this precious time if you can help it. Emotionally I've found it extremely hard. Rather than resting and bonding and spending quality time with my toddler and baby I have been worrying about stuff that shouldn't matter. Good luck with the new arrival xx



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 22:27 PM   8
laura109
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P. S day 3_4 was awful both times. I always get a fever when my milk comes in. Definitely try get those days alone x



 
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Old Jan 13th, 2018, 01:16 AM   9
kewpie
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Hey Firefly, if I were you I would let family know that you need a few days this time before visitors as you are having a c-section and need extra time to bond with baby because of this. Don’t be bulldozed by anyone and make sure you partner keeps them away. I think it’s absolutely outrageous that anyone would expect to visit sooner than the parents wish, let alone getting in a ‘mood’ about it. You never get those first days back and you don’t deserve to be spending them worrying. Put yourselves first. All the best!!



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Old Jan 13th, 2018, 01:36 AM   10
pandn
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With my section and VBAC I had family come in 2hrs after I gave birth. With my section, I was still out of it so everyone that came didn’t stay long out of courtesy to me, but they got to see baby and were happy. Same with my VBAC, I was tired from labour and delivery so they also didn’t stay long. However by the second day, the medicines start to wear off and I think I would’ve gotten cranky if I had guests then.
So if you think you can handle it guests after delivery may work for you as you will still be out of it from the drugs and your hubby can politely ask guests to leave if they overstay their welcome as you had just had surgery and need to rest. More than likely they will be happy to just see bubs



 
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