Hi Ladies,


My OH's grand dad dies this mornign and the funeral is THursday... I just need to know some things as im fairly heavily pregnant...
Will I be expected to stand at the grave side when they are lowering him in as they dont have seats there? I dont want to offend anyone but obviously in my state I wont be able to stand + wont want to cause a fuss

Also trad here is pub after but I wont feel comfortable in pub for too long either can I go for a little while and make my excuses leave OH there and go?Or is tat rude?

Also the only black thing I have to wear is a maxi dress is this ok?

Sorry for the question but I dont wanna offend anyone on THursday

Hi hun, i had to go to a funeral last week too, it was very emotional. Sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather...

I wore a black maxi dress, and only went to the wake for a short time, around an hour, but there was lots of seats there, so it was no problem at all. The funeral i went to was a cremation so there was no standing around the grave, but i am sure that you will be excused if you dont feel you can stand there for long enough, but perhaps you will, you arent normally there for that long...

Hope all goes ok x

Thanks for writing back I appreciate it. . Em yeah Ill porb go with the maxi so and a cardi or coat.. IT's not very chesty so I shuold be ok. Im in Ireland so usualy they stand at the grave for an hour well they did the last time so..Ill go and see how long I can do it for.

Sorry to hear about your OH's grandad

My grandpa's funeral was when I was about 30 weeks pregnant - the actual service at the grave lasted only about 15 minutes - that was fine then but I'm not sure I could do it now. I'm sure everyone will be very understanding of your situation and won't judge you if you ahve to go and sit down somewhere.

I also don't think there's any need to stay at the wake for longer than an hour - and I would hope that people would be more than willing to give up a seat for you!

oh, and I think a maxi dress will be fine.

im sure the family will undertsand if you dont stay for a long time at the wake, but maybe you could stand for a short time to comfort you OH whilst at the graveside as he will need all your support right now. when they have teh service id keep seated...i did at a wedding the other week. and your maxi dress is more than fone to wear hun i wudnt worry to much. im sure its the last thing on ppls minds right now. hope the day goes as well as it can. sending prayers xx

Sorry to hear about your other half's Grandfather.
The dress will be fine. If you think it might mean standing for nearly an hour, go, pay your respects then wander off and find somewhere to sit down, no one will think it rude of you.
Ditto for the wake. Although good luck escaping from there, everyone will want to talk to you as it's something so positive to talk about at a sad time.

Sorry to hear this hun the maxi dress sounds fine to me xx

Hi there,

I'm really sorry for your loss, and can completely relate to your post.

My grandad died nearly 2 weeks ago and his funeral was yesterday, 4 days before my due date. I was so worried I wouldn't be able to make it, I would've been gutted to miss it, fortunately for me bubs still hasn't made an appearance so I was able to attend.

I had all the same worries as you - my grandad was a devout catholic and the service was heavily religious so involved loads of standing up and sitting down for prayers, hyms etc. Whislt I'm not religious myself I was worried about disrespecting my grandad and indeed rest of family, so every time we were asked to stand I stood - I'm at a stage now where pregnancy is really uncomfortable, baby is far down in my pelvis and I therefore found it really difficult! Every time I stood up and then sat back down again I got a pain in my back and pains down below, it didn't help that church seats were so hard and uncomfortable! But the silly thing was, afterwards EVERYONE said to me, you shouldn't have kept standing up, why didn't you stay seated, etc etc, and it made me realise that actually no one would've minded if I had just stayed in my seat! At the end of the day, I was there to say my goodbyes, and the very fact that I managed to go meant so much to my family, they completely understood that I'm heavly pregnant and they really didn't expect me to be joining in with everything. I wish I'd realise that at the beginning!

My grandad was buried and I did stand by the grave, but it was only about 15 minutes long, so whilst uncomfortable I didn't struggle too much. That part meant more to me than the service so I really wanted to be there. Then at the pub afterwards I stayed seated for the duration, and then after a couple of hours we made our excuses and left, and no one minded in the least. Everyone was just so glad that I was able to attend, that's all the mattered really.

Think what I'm trying to say is that don't worry about offending people - the very fact that you'll be there should be enough, people really wouldn't expect you to go out of your comfort zone. I think pregnancy is the one time in our lives when we can just be a little selfish and put our own needs first!

Good luck and I hope it goes ok. xx Ps think the maxi dress will be fine!