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Old Jan 21st, 2011, 22:16 PM   1
Waiting To Try (WTT)
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Distant Husband....

Hello! I am new to this forum - but really felt like I needed opinions. I am 7 1/2 months pregnant with my first child - a little boy.

Throughout the past few months, my husband has been growing more and more distant it seems. He is a wonderfully caring Christian man, but it seems like ever since I got pregnant, I receive no emotional support. I am a teacher so I work 40+ hours a week and come home completely dead on my feet. I feel like he is always watching me to see if I have cleaned, done laundry, etc...Whenever I tell him I am tired or something hurts, there really is no feedback. It's really to the point I feel guilty to even complain about anything. I try to talk to him, leave him little love notes before going to school and try to plan our nursery and things that are needed. But it just seems like anything I say anymore just falls on deaf ears - it actually gets a little lonely. Like i am the only one who is planning anything. When we are home together, he sits in another chair - not even on the couch with me anymore. It used to be he always had to touch me, but its not the same.

I also have been having difficulty with my weight gain. Although it is only 20lbs. - I have always been firm and in top shape. Gaining additional weight plus my husband being distant makes me so frustrated with this pregnancy and so alone.

Honestly, when I come home from school - I am so exhausted my body just melts into the couch. I don't feel like doing anything. He works evenings so I really only see him a couple days a week. It's like he does not reach for me anymore either, or when he does it is just a peck on the lips. It certainly doesn't help that intimacy is somewhat lacking due to our schedules not meeting up and my exhaustion. We have only been married 2 years and I feel like this isn't the way it should be. I miss my husband - can anyone maybe shed some light on this??

Thank you!

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Old Jan 21st, 2011, 23:15 PM   2
Mum (Mom)
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It sounds like he is struggling with coming to terms with you having a baby together and that your lives are changing. He might be feeling a little resentful which is quite common for first time parents, it really sounds like you need to sit him down and have a long chat about it though before baby arrives. It doesn't sound like a pleasant atmosphere to be in. Your body is no longer his, its all about baby now and he is probably finding that quite hard.

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Old Jan 21st, 2011, 23:59 PM   3
Mum (Mom)
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Totally agree ^ Can I ask, was the baby planned or not?

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Old Jan 22nd, 2011, 01:14 AM   4
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How about some couple couselling with your pastor? Even if it's just a safe place for both of you to talk.

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Old Jan 22nd, 2011, 06:34 AM   5
Mum (Mom)
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Hi, I'm sorry you're having problems. Some men can find the pregnancy changes in a woman hard to accept and he may also feel a little excluded. I also think that woman are more comfortable being close on just an emotional level (to some extent), where men especially need the physical side of a relationship to feel close and wanted.
He could be thinking how well you're coping by yourself and don't actually need to rely on him so feels a spare part? With the no response to your aches etc, he probably just doesn't know what to say - imo men want to fix things and if they can't, they struggle to know what to do! All this is second guessing though, have you actually sat your husband down and talked with him? Just airing how you feel should help - big hugs

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Old Jan 22nd, 2011, 09:51 AM   6
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My DH doesn't know how to 'fix' my pregnancy woes (as a PP had mentioned). He's a man that likes to make everything better... so it's hard for him.
Maybe try not talking about the pregnancy? Iykwim. Just don't bring it up for a few weeks... and see if he comes around. Sounds like he needs a little space hun. Maybe recommend a night out with his friends? I know that might sound counter-productive, but maybe if he sees he can still have a life outside of the house, and it's not just about laundry and dishes, he'll lighten up?
And as for your body image... I know how hard it can be. Maybe go get your nails and hair done? It's amazing how good you can feel after you chop your hair off, lol.

I'm not in your shoes hun, and I'm not that good at giving advice.... just trying to throw things out there for you.

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