Around the dinner table we were talking about single parent families. We had his father there who is in his 80s and quite old fashioned. He said he thinks it would be better with a mum and a dad.
I said I do understand that but as a teacher I come across many single parent families and they can do a better job at raising their children 'polite, educated' etc than both parent families. I said its 'irrelevant' weather both parents are present or not and that you 'speak as you find'.
He acknowledged this point and agreed also. Fine.
Then my husband said well (lets call him 'KID'! )
"Kid was bought up by me as a single parent and he's done alright"
let me say here that I have been a guardian to 'kid' and living with him full time since he was 5 years old, he's now 14.
It really upset me!
I would like to think I have helped make important decisions about his life and education since day 1 and looked after him. I feel nothing more than a baby sitter with that remark!!!!
I know what DH was trying to say that in absence of real mum, DH has raised him without both parents. ...(let me also say I'm so proud of DH for handling the whole situation well and taking on responsibility of his son, were the real mum doesn't really bother)
but....D'oh! god he's dumb sometimes!!
I just said "oh cheers! I have kinda been living here too! and winked at him " He said "oh I didn't mean it like that".
I don't really know how I feel about it! I'm not mad, or upset I think I mainly just feel surprised at what a doughnut he is!!!!!! ha ha!!
In my eyes he hasn't been brought up by a single parent since he was five the! I don't think its about the absence of a 'real' parent, its about being brought up by just one person. Which he obviously hasn't been since he was five.
I don't think I'd take it personally, I would be annoyed that he couldn't see the difference though.
Are you sure that he didnt mean that he brought 'kid' up as a single parent before he met you and that 'kid' has still turned out alright even tho he has had a time in his life where only one parental figure was present? before he turned 5? I try to look at all sides if you know what I mean hunni you know how men are sometimes they dont always say what they mean ;-) xx
I know this annoys my dh too! his ex bangs on about being a single parent - when dh's son spends almost half his time at our house! I really dont think of this as single parenting - more like co-parenting without co-habiting!
aw hun that really sucks he has basically invalidated everything you have done in helping raise his child.
a single parent family i truely believe is one where the child has one person raising them without any input from the second parent or from any other regular caregiver who takes on the role of parent such as a new partner ie only one person is raising the child!
yeah it must have been tough for him to raise the child up to the age of 5 without a mother figure there but 5-14 yrs well thats not exactly a second in this child's life!
i am sure he was merely talking about the fact that between the age of 0-5 he was a single parent and during that time the child was well looked after, well educated as much as they need to be at that age and was well behaved and the lack of another parent has not had a long term affect on his behaviour now that he is older. doesnt take that initial sting out though
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