My mother and I don't have the best relationship for a lot of reasons but mainly because she just isn't a good mother.
Case and point
This is my first child and will be her first granddaughter and at 12 weeks left in my pregnancy she and my sister have not mentioned throwing a baby shower for me or anything about a baby shower (I threw my sisters by myself) but when I asked her if Sat the 18th of February was okay for the shower her exact words were, "Yes, if I'm not working". Then she has the nerve to say she and my sister wanted to throw it for me. Not one mention to me and when I asked my sister about it she said she wasn't aware.
Thank goodness I have some really great in laws that care enough to throw a baby shower for me and also threw my bridal shower. My family bitched about the bridal shower because it was a luncheon at a bakery and they thought they would have to pay their own way to eat. Wanted to know how much it was going to cost and why we had to do it there. Just being embarrassing pains in my ass. Excuse me, I will be married ONCE in my life and your going to complain?? BTW, the in-laws paid for it all.
Aww come on, girl... If she's not been a support through your wedding, don't let her ruin this for you as well! I know it feels crap - my mom has the same deal with my baby being the first grandchild; I'm a first time mother-to-be, handling the whole household alone, a husband who (while extremely loving and caring) is on a very tough business contract job and cannot take time off - I'll probably have to take a cab alone to the hospital if I go into labor while he's working ....he's a 2 hr drive away! Yet she refused to even come for the birth saying she's busy :-/ It would've been nice to have some emotional support (I wasn't expecting her to look after my house or anything!) but hey, her loss! I've decided not to let it ruin my peace of mind.
Just think, what if your mum threw you a shower that was a half-hearted 'here you go, I obviously don't want to do it but did it just so I can lord it over you later that I *did* it' kinda thing? That would've hurt me worse! to you ... Can you ask your sister to be more involved? Some people mean well but they're just too wrapped up to initiate things like these?
TBH I would look forward from now on and assume she won't go out of her eway for you at all; that way you won't be let down by her again. I know showers are a big thing in the US so I can imagine it's a big thing for her not to help plan, host, pay or attend it. Some people don't care, and you have to start not caring about it. If you continue to let yourself get disappointed over her actions, it's going to get you down and you can't have that. You have more important people to think about now, and your ILs seem like nice people.
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