Hope someone could give me some advice on a small MIL issue!
My MIL lives about 5mins away (which can be great and also as you could imagine a huge headache at times!) - I love her to bits and get along with her great. but she often oversteps the boundaries, ie will drop over a lot for no reason, buys my OH clothes still, brings around food (i know shes just trying to help but sometimes i think she thinks i cant look after him!!!)
anyway, with her other grandson she apparently was around their place every day for months after he was born.. and i know she'll want to do that with us as well, however it would drive me NUTS!!! im a very independent person and while i appreciate help and advice, i dont want it unless i ask for it. i also really enjoy time to myself and dont like a lot of people around me at the best of times.. so im thinking when im sleep deprived, feeling like crap and wanting to get to know my new lo, the last thing i want is my mil practically living at our place.. i dont even want my mum around let alone my mil!!
but how do i tell her??? she can be very sensitive and my OH agrees with me but says i need to be the one to tell her (which i think is very unfair!!).. has anyone else had a similar problem?? i dont want to hurt her feelings but i know if she suffocates me ill snap
im at the point where i was thinking ill just not answer the door and pretend im asleep all the time lol but i think i need to say something..
Um no it's his mom and his job to tell her. She's overbearing and after a baby is born it's his only job as Daddy to make sure YOU and LO are happy and taken care of. It's uber important! Don't let him weasel out of it.
yes i think she needs to be told . You could do it in a roundabout way by saying how you like your space and need time to bond when LO arrives. If she doesn't get message OH needs to sort it out otherwise it could become stressful x
I agree it'll be difficult to bring up. I'd probably casually say "can you just call before you come round to make sure I'm up and awake, I intend to rest when the baby does." Then lock your door and don't answer it if the doorbell goes. She'll soon get the message and if she doesn't, you'll have to be a bit firmer.
I agree, your OH should tell her as she's his mum. She sounds as though she thinks she needs to look after everyone and your OH is probably used to letting her do what she wants but he has to stand up for you now.
I agree its your OH's responsibility to tell his mother if there is an issue, he shouldnt put that stress on you thats not fair. But id definatly be telling her in a roundabout way that you like your space and expect everyone to call before they drop in, maybey even tell her your mw's have told you its important to have downtime with juat you your LO and OH!
Overbearing Mother In Laws are the worse, but they also have benefits being so close babysitting etc.
Mine lives 200 miles away, which is enough for me to breathe a sigh of relief but she phones my OH, 4 times a day.. what you having for lunch? what time did you get up? I went to the shop... blah blah blah. Hows Claire and the baby is she coping? I thought i was carrying a girl but at the scan when i found out it was a boy i was just as happy, but she went round my OH's family saying 'i hope she is ok, she is so dissapointed' then went on to ask my OH in every phone call if i was bearing up and even asking if brother.. Jeees.Dreading giving birth as she is wanting to come stay, but i have put my foot down and said she will have to go to a B&B. Dont get me wrong, i love her to bits, she is sucha kind woman, but man alive, i am glad she lives 200 miles away!!
I wouldn't say anything to her that might offend her! I am going to be taking my LO to visit the MIL a few times a week while I'm on maternity leave (she lives about 20 mins away)! You should maybe consider doing the same! She obviously just wants to make sure she sees the baby plenty, so let her know when YOU will visit HER, then she'll not feel the need to pop round so much? It would be better for you to make the effort to go round for half an hour every few days when it suits you than to be worrying all day about when she will come over unexpectedly!
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