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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:00 PM   1
luvmypups
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Baby shower theme..does mom have a say?


This my first and only child. My stepdaughter offered to throw me a shower, which was an unexpected surprise. We get along quite well, but our tastes are far from similar.

The problem is she is controlling EVERY detail. I tried to talk to her, when she asked my opinions, but she called all my ideas tacky. Well, I think decorating my house like a high school prom is tacky. I've always had an idea of how I would like my baby shower to be, and this isn't remotely close. Don't get me started on the menu or the cake. I know its not worth starting a family feud over. I am dreading the day, when I should be looking forward to it. Plus she won't let anybody (which has upset my family) help.

Does a mom-to-be have a say, or am I supposed to let someone else do all the planning, even if I hate it?



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:05 PM   2
jessicatunnel
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No, you most definitely should have a say!! Just put your foot down and say "hey! This is MY shower and I want it done THIS way!" It's nice of her to want to throw you one but honestly, she is being too controlling!



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:05 PM   3
LittleOnes
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Can I ask how old she is?

I would want a bit of a say too if that is the situation. But also...I'm afraid to say that when you agreed to let her host, in an unspoken way you agreed to let her have a bit of freedom with it.

Have you suggested a specific compromise? Like "Okay how about if we play [X silly game] like you want to, we don't do the decorations" or something to that affect. If you really think its going to be horrible and upwards of offending guests, then I'd maybe speak to her father (your OH?) and see if he can make some suggestions?



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:07 PM   4
Miss_Quirky
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As sweet as it is for her to offer, it should be your shower I think. My mum and friend are doing mine, and my friend and me have VERY different tastes and I had no problem telling her "I do NOT want this, this, or this' and leaving the little details to her.

I hate huge decorations, and tons of games and obnoxious over the top stuff...I want something simple, and to enjoy the company of my friends and family, where if she had it her way my house would look like a rainbow threw up As much as I do appriciate it.

I would try talking to her and saying that you do appriciate the gesture, but you want input as it's your only child and would like her to respect what you want. Goodluck though



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:11 PM   5
KahluaCupcake
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Eek...that's really tricky territory. By tradition, the mother to be isn't supposed to even know about the shower, and therefore, everything is a surprise the day of the shower.
The way a lot of people do it, is they let the mom know so they can make sure they invite the right people and she knows to plan for it and dress nice, etc, but she has nothing to do with the planning whatsoever.
However, these days, a lot of moms are directly involved. I have had a say in everything and have even helped. I'm grateful to be able to make sure the shower will be how I want it. However, only a couple of my friends know that I'm helping plan the shower...it'd be tactless for me to talk about it or post about it on Facebook or anything like that. People know that I know about it, but I'm not telling others how much I know.
I would approach her and explain it to her that you want it to be more classic, and don't want it to be flashy. Maybe show her some photos online of ideas you like? Tell her you don't want to control it, but just want to show ideas to "inspire" her?



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:12 PM   6
luvmypups
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She is 28 (married).

OH has offered to put a stop to it, but Im scared of her reaction. She gets offended WAY to easily.



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:21 PM   7
bananaz
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Yikes, that's tough. Traditionally I think that when someone is throwing a baby shower, they're the person who does most (if not all) of the planning. It's supposed to be a generous gesture, and something that the pregnant woman doesn't have to worry about (or even know about, in a lot of cases). But obviously this can be a problem if the person throwing the shower isn't in touch with the mom-to-be's tastes.

Since you've already agreed to let your stepdaughter host and she clearly isn't being receptive to your suggestions, I'm not sure there's a whole lot you can do except perhaps let her throw a small family-only shower the way she wants and then do a bigger one the way you want.



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:22 PM   8
LittleOnes
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmypups View Post
She is 28 (married).

OH has offered to put a stop to it, but Im scared of her reaction. She gets offended WAY to easily.
Hmm I had the sense she was much younger. 28 years old - she should be able to listen to reason? Rather than framing it as what you want (even if that's the case), what about the well this is how the guests are, and we want to make them comfortable and enjoy themselves right? Maybe that will be a round about way of having her see.



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:31 PM   9
luvmypups
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I'm going to have to find a way to talk to her, probably through OH.

I'm, also, going to speak with my mother-in-law about talking to her. Although she already tried once about the menu. She got booted from helping at all, during that conversation.

If all else fails, I suppose I can let her have her shower for DHs family. Then, I can have mine for my family, just not tell her



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2012, 19:48 PM   10
citymouse
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My sister and my aunts threw me a shower, and my sister did almost all the actual planning and execution. She asked for input about what kind of games I definitely didn't want, whether there was any really specific food I did want, and then did the rest of the decision-making herself.

It wasn't a hundred percent my taste (for instance, one of the main drinks was a muddled mint punch, and I hate mint) but it was so much work on her part that I didn't object.

It's much easier and better just to go with the flow. And people who attend really don't think of the shower as being your taste--they know it's done by the organizer. I can see wanting input, but I would limit it to things you really, really feel strongly about. For me, it was any game that involved measuring any part of my body or examining melted chocolate in a diaper.

(And for the record, my sister rejected a lot of my suggestions as tacky, too. In the end they would have been way easier for her but I just let her do things her way.)

I've thrown showers for people and I think I would get irritated if they kept trying to tell me what to do or how to do it.



 
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