Sorry this is a bit long, but I am so fed up.

When I first met my husband I knew he liked a drink but it wasn't until we lived together that I realised how much he drank. Probably about 10 cans of stella artois a night, every night of the week. He has really bad insomnia and the drink helps him sleep. Over the past few years he has cut his drinking down so he has nothing during the week but drinks on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. He never goes out and drinks he just drinks at home. When he drinks he has so much he pretty much passes out and you just can't wake up him. I also hate him when he is drunk his personality changes and he becomes moody and argumentative.

He promised me he would stop drinking at the weekends until the baby was born, but he hasn't. At first he cut down to 2 cans a few weekends ago but he probably had about 10-12 cans last night and as usual passed out. I try not to nag him about it, but I am so worried, I don't have any friends or family that live near me and there is noone else that can take me to hospital. Obviously he can't drive after drinking but I wouldn't even be able to wake him up. I tried talking to him last night and he just shouted at me to shut up. Even if he could just have a couple of lower strength beers at least he wouldn't pass out and we could get a taxi to the hospital.

I don't understand what it is like to have such bad insomnia or to have an addiction, but he refuses to get help. I don't know what to do, well there's nothing I can do, he just shouts at me if i bring it and will not listen to me at all. But it is really worrying me and upsetting me. I hate him at the moment and think he is being so selfish. He says labour takes over 12 hours so he will have time to sober up before we have to leave. I don't want him round a baby when he drinks so much.

I am sorry I don't have much to say just didn't want to r&r. It sounds like your husband may have a problem with alcohol and really should seek help. I know that unless he wants to quit and ask for help himself there isn't much you can do but it is so unfair on you to have to go through it especially when you are heavily pregnant.

I hope other girls here will be more constructive with the advice

This is so unfair on you hun, he is only seeing it from his point of view and, probably in his mind, it is genuinely harmless. My ex drank at home like yours and he could always find a way to justify and rationalise his drinking in his own head! There is unfortunately no getting through to them unless you do something drastic.

What I would do, and did, in a similar situation ( not pregnant, but at the end of my tether ) is to move out temporarily to show I mean business. I moved back to my parents, two hours away, and refused to go back until something gave. It was horrible and I hated being back at my parents in my old area, but it scared him and it worked when he realised he actually would lose me.

We ended up splitting up over something entirely different in the end but the good thing is he continued to manage his drinking well!

I know its tough, especially as you are pregnant and there is nowhere immediately close to you that you can stay from the sounds of things. But, you have to seriously consider taking yourself away from him for a short period to let him talk sense into himself. Even if you have to move areas.

Sorry if that hasn't helped and is impossible for you to do. Its the only thing I know that will have an effect and make them take some responsibility xx

Oh hun I feel your pain , my OH drinks everyday at the weekends he can start at 8 in the morning , he gets very moody and nasty with his attitude and words , I left him a few weeks ago cos I'd had enough and when I come back he did cut right down then two days later he's back to his normal ways , I've told him he won't be going no where near the bubs when his drink comes first , I have two older children aged 12&11 and they pass comment on what a twat he his ! I'm strongly thinking about as soon as I've had the baby leaving him for good cos it's like having another child sometimes and I'm sick of his selfish ways , he won't even stay with me when I've been admitted to hospital cos he has to get home for a drink !!! Keep your chin up if u need to talk message me ! X

I can't really help you because I am kind of going through similar myself.

He drinks every night. Some nights he is ok, he is wonderful when he hasn't had a drink, but he changes so much when he has, he becomes disrespectful, loud, abusive (in an argumentative way), then passes out. He gets on my nerves when he is drunk, and starts having a go at me for stupid things.

I feel like my weekends with him are completely wasted because it is either spent bickering or bored whilst he is asleep. Then I am back at work wondering what the hell I have just done with my weekend. I don't spend as much time with him as a result, but we don't live together so I have that option there always. I would also suggest staying away for the odd night or two, to show him you mean it. Men need things spelling out for them.

He always says he will change when Scarlett is here. I don't doubt for one minute he loves the bones of her and he is really excited. He just thinks he is doing no harm, he is in his own little world and doesn't see what it is doing to me and his family. He has been for help before but 'it was no good'. He was just given a drinking chart to fill in to bring to meetings but he always lied about what he had so it was pointless.

Sorry for going on, I just want you to know you aren't alone. I have told him he WILL lose me and Scarlett if things don't get better. No way am I allowing my baby girl near a piss head. She will be taken away from me if anything happened and I am not willing to take that risk. He either changes or carries on in his little world of alcohol, alone.

I can kinda relate to your situation, but it would be the other way around for me and my OH. Before I got pregnant, I had a pretty serious drinking problem. I was literally wasted off my face daily (on alcohol or drugs, usually both though) and my OH couldn't stand it, I was very argumentative and was abusive with my language towards him but he stayed with me because he knew I was a different person when sober. Anyway, the point is - being pregnant and knowing I'll be a mother and responsible for a childs life - I pulled my ass in to gear and I gave up drinking, smoking and drugs and this is the most sober I've been in such a long long time. My relationship is so much better now and I can think straight again and it's all because of this LO I'll shortly get to finally meet!! Point of my story is that maybe when the baby comes along, your husband will realize he needs to clean up his act. It takes longer for men to grow up and take responsibility because it doesn't really completely dawn on them they're responsible for a baby until after they're born. I hope your LO changes him and he will cut down the drink a lot If he continues to do it though, do voice your concerns and how much it upsets you to him and try talk things through x

I really hope his behavior changes (for you too Jennifurball) once the baby is here, but chances are good that he may not change at all.

He definitely has a substance abuse problem with alcohol and can't/won't admit it. He needs to get his addiction under control. Would he be open to counselling or something like Alcoholics Anonymous?

My ex was similar with his drinking habits and I tried everything to get him to change. It eventually eroded any trust I had in him. I basically learnt that it was impossible to rely on him for practical help or support.

I think I let things go on for too long and would have been better to give him an ultimatum, and follow through with it if needed. I just couldn't do it though, perhaps because I knew it wouldn't work and I wasn't ready to let go. When we eventually split, after 10 years, he was devastated and I think would have probably made more effort to change if it had meant the relationship would have been salvaged. However, for me the relationship had already been ruined.

Two years on and I'm so happy with my new partner who has taught me that relationships do not have to be such hard work.

Based on my experience I would advise you to set yourself a time limit for things to improve, and if they don't, try a separation. Let him know this is what you will do and be firm if he gets defensive or cross. It's SO hard when you care about someone deeply and they just won't change. Especially when there's other aspects of them that are good. I hope that the baby gives him something to focus on as a reason to change. Good luck xx

Tell him he is an addict and needs help. There is better things to help with insomnia than beer (like sleeping pills, doctor perscribe/over the counter). If he refuses to get help, tell him, you and the baby will be leaving.

He needs the scare factor to realise whats going on, otherwise, it will progress and keep going. Most addicts don't get help on their own, but it is true, that they need to want the help for it to work.

I am sorry to hear you are going thru this but before he gets any help you need to face the reality that your husband is an alcoholic..if he had bad problem with Insomnia he would take a pill that would help him sleep...he can tell you they don't work but i doubt very much he has tried them all. So you must face the fact that he is an alcoholic..once you realize that you won't be excusing his behavior as somebody struggling to sleep..since it is not the case.

Once you realize for a fact he is an alcoholic then you should find a support group for you, they will help you help him but only IF he wants to help himself...if he doesn't then you need to decide if this the environment you want your little one to be in...Drunken father passed out on the couch or a mean husband or father yelling at him for no reason.