I really need your outside opinions to see if I am being unreasonable here?

We have my stepson over ours every other weekend. I love him and I am so close to him so this post isn't in any way negative towards him.

The situation is that my OH has to work a lot at weekends, sometimes he will leave SS with me all weekend during the days, which I'm fine with (Although he has been doing that less now that I'm getting more heavily pregnant!).
We had SS the weekend just gone and OH had Sunday off and managed to get yesterday off as well, it was lovely as it felt like a little family and he took him off for a few hours each day to play football.

Anyway, when i was just on the phone to OH, he mentioned that he had very nearly paid over £100 for tickets for a football match on Easter Monday, the Monday coming up, to take SS to, but that he hadn't bought them as it is way too much money for a really small game.

When I spoke to OH last night about the long weekend, he said he most likely had to work on Monday, which is fine with me as he is earning well out of these extra days and we need the money!. But what I wasn't happy about was the sudden announcement today that he was considering taking SS out for the day. It isn't our weekend to have him, but that isn't the point and I know its not the right attitude as he likes to see him when he can, even outside of his weekends. But it still gets to me as we have limited time left before baby and its nice for us to spend time together as well.

Anyway, I feel strongly that if he could get Monday off then we should really go shopping for baby bits and pick out pram and cot etc. We realistically could only have 8/9 weeks left if she came early and I feel that we haven't organised a lot for her. Plus my parents are buying the pram and OH's Mum is buying the cot so we really need to tell them which ones to get! I called him back a few times to tell him this but no answer so I text him, really nicely saying that if he can get Monday off we really need to go baby shopping as its getting near! Well he called me 5 minutes later and seemed a bit confrontational about it asking me what I mean about "we need to go baby shopping". I just explained I was starting to get stressed and we need to start getting things in place, and if he can get the time off we need to use that precious time to go out together and pick out the main stuff. He was alright then and said of course and we'll sort a day out v soon, and that he now can't get the Monday off anyway so its irrelevant as it will have to be another day anyway.

I am worried now that he has arranged to have SS on Sunday night but will go to work on Monday and leave him with me, I will really be peed off if this happens! I just felt in that moment that I didn't really know him at all and why did he react like that?

Sorry for the rant and if anybody can read this and offer any views I would be really appreciative.

Thanks!

I think the whole 'must do baby shopping now' attitude (which 99% of us get) is part of nesting, and it's an uncontrollable urge which men will never understand! Most men won't mind what pram or cot your LO gets, so it's not a big thing for them, but it seems like a big thing to us mummies-to-be! Try not to get frustrated at your OH for not being as excited about preparing for LO's arrival as you are - that's built in to women, but not to men! If your OH is going out with your SS on sunday, why don't you go out baby shopping on your own (or with your mum/MIL) when the boys are out - you'll have more fun that way, instead of dragging OH along if he (like most men) doesn't like shopping!

You need to find out if he is planning on having SS over night on Sunday though - that'd be a big task to look after him on Monday if you are not expecting too! Maybe he wants to see his son as much as possible before the baby arrives, but he should at least keep you in the loop with his plans!

Hope you get to chat to him again soon and get things cleared up!

Let me start by saying, I completely understand. My DH is freaking out because I don't want him making any committments until the nursery gets done and the house gets in order. He thinks I'm crazy. But, you also may need to look at this from the child's perspective. Not only are you not gonna get you DH alone, neither is your SS. Maybe he is just wanting to get some extra bonding time in. Just calmly talk to your OH and tell him you want to set aside a day to go shopping. Plan it and hold him to it. I wouldn't get mad at him though. He is a man after all and they are SO different from us.

Hi there, thanks for that. What you said made me calm down and laugh at myself as I did just get very tense and angry! it seemed to come from nowhere. Generally OH has been good and very interested in the baby and loves talking to her but he has been a bit crap about the whole shopping thing - although I know that can be just a man thing!

He does sometimes agree to have SS on an additional day now and then, and then goes off to work. I had to have a sit down talk to him about this a month or so back as he did it on a Sunday without telling me and I was really run down and had a full on, short staffed week ahead at work. I felt bad for my SS as he was so bored and shouldn't have really been over but I really needed to stay in bed and recover as I knew I couldn't afford a day off work. I know OH was doing it out of the goodness of his heart - he is just a bit stupid and doesn't think sometimes!

Anyway, he has just phoned me all worried saying I sounded very upset and intense with him and that our little girl isn't ever going to go without. Now I just feel patronised! Haha, he can't win x

You are so right! I think OH now thinks I have gone a bit crazy, but it feels so valid when you're feeling it doesn't it! I feel like I am completely right.

But I do understand that SS puts up with Daddy being at work a lot and sometimes he only ends up seeing him for a few hours a fortnight, he does love a whole day with him every now and then I'd never begrudge him that. Plus our Daughter is going to be with her Daddy all the time and things will be so different for SS when she is here. We need to make sure that we give him loads of time and love and reassurance now.

Now that I have made my point he is a bit scared and said asap we'll go for a day shopping to sort everything.
x

Honestly...i think your nesting instinct is kicking in..BUT i think your being a little ott..no matter how many weeks you have left, reguardless of what weekends your oh is meant to have him..its easter and hes his son. Why not arrange to go with them? Have a nice morning out somewhere then go shopping later on?

Thanks, it makes sense. I can feel myself getting really protective over LO and feeling like everything should be about her now. Of course it is in my eyes! But realistically the world won't end if we don't get her pram this weekend. x

Sounds like you have sorted it. We are entitled to our little irrational moments when pg, it's part of the process. I do think it was a bit OTT to prefer your DH to go shopping rather than spend time with his son but then again, I'd probably rather do pretty much ANYTHING than shop! Especially baby stuff - ugh, SO boring DH and I literally looked at a pushchair in a shop today, asked how much it was and walked out. That's me for another month!

Saying that, and it's probably a separate issue, I don't think your DH should ever arrange to have his son extra then not be there - that's actually very unfair on his son, you and even himself. Poor planning rather than uncaring though, I understand. Glad it's sorted this time!

well,

I agree as someone says that is our nesting time, which guys not necessarily understand.. I remember I was ultra upset when my OH parents did buy almost everything for us, which my partner was so cool about but I took it personally as he didnt give a damn for "how special this time of getting stuff is".. I NEEDED to see and check things first before buying them and DIDNT want anyone to do it for me.. but within a time I realized that there was no sense to get angry, especially after seeing how much they helped us..

the only thing i would advice is maybe to talk to your partner about how less time you guys have for each other [before the baby arrival].. and to point out that it would be good to use it in some nice way..

I am never usually irrational and rarely get into real fits of fuming rage but pregnancy has really brought this out in me, I'll get a bee in my bonnet and get so worked up about something that I wouldn't even usually notice!. The temporary personality change is really noticeable with me!

I do agree that it is coming across like I am thinking that it more important to shop with me to prepare for baby than take his boy out. In a way I maybe am feeling a bit jealous and protective over our new LO, and thinking that the extra time he spends with SS is threatening the time we have together to prepare for our Daughter. I'm not saying it is right but you can't control your feelings and although OH would never want me to feel like that, my mind is thinking up all weird things at the moment!.

Thanks for your input though and I agree with your points!
x