Ask her to leave straight away hun, or get your DH to do it. I would not feel comfortable having another woman staying in my house let alone my oh's ex! She needs to go and if she refuses I would ring the police x
maybe if she doesn't communicate soon you could back up what your husband said in a letter - you could just slip it under the door? that way you might not feel so uncomfortable but you could set clearly what you expect i.e. she is gone by xxx day - it also means she has no opportunity to attempt a debate or question your decision
Jeeze, its gets worse!!
Im sorry but if someone basically barricaded themselves in a room in my house after i had told them they need to leave ASAP i would just call the police and have them escorted away.
Maybe it sound's harsh but i definitely could not deal with a psycho house guest when heavily pregnant!! You can't let someone walk all over you just because you feel uncomfortable with confrontation. She can obviously read you like a book to know that she can get away with her behaviour.
If you aren't willing to put your foot down and do something about it then i really don't know how else you will get rid of her. It's making me feel so bad for you that you are even in this situation. You really are going to have to do something a bit more drastic if you want her to leave!
This guest is clearly a health hazard not only to yourself but herself too she should be in a mental institution not a guest for Heavens sake..
There is clearly a big difference in being kind to others and letting others take advantage of you you have let her what she want to do in your house ...she is manipulative and she knows your weak point unless you put your feet down including probably involving the police to get her out she is planning her next manipulative move...lock herself in the room, threaten to kill herself...you dont owe her anything she needs special care which you cant provide at hte moment..
Where is her family does she have brothers/sisters you can contact....
Just stop habouring this pest and take control of your life ...do not hide under the guise of catholic religion..its not a confrontation when you have to make a decision about what is right and what is wrong
It sounds like a hard lesson learned for you - you shouldn't have put yourself in this position to begin with You sound like a kind hearted person and with good intentions, but you've opened yourself up for stress and worry. She's sick too and with a cat?! You need to look-out for your family!
Please, please, please just give her an exact date to move. Be blunt ... say this isn't working out. Give her day or 2 to gather her things and drive her to the nearest station! As difficult as it may be to say those words, it'll will be even harder IF YOU LET HER STAY!
You don't owe anything to this woman and by the way she's acting, she doesn't consider you at all. You're pregnant, she's sick, you're giving birth soon .... she made you sit on the floor? This isn't friendship -- she's using you! Don't let her. Kick her out ... now!
I just read your updates and my best advice is to tell your husband EXACTLY how you feel. Tell him about your good intentions but now it's gotten too far. Tell him about your heart palpitations, your anxiety, how you're feeling abused --- she wants you to cook for her and you're pregnant!!!!
1. Write a list of things bothering you.
2. Tell him everything on that list.
3. Tell him how your friends on B&B are telling you how all the stress can HURT YOU AND THE BABY!!!!
4. Then, tell him how you can't seem to confront her. How it's hard for you.
5. Ask for his help.
After you've unleashed your list he should step-up to the plate and undo what's done. I sincerely hope that will trigger the need to preserve and protect his family. Because bottom line - it comes to that!
IF she's not out after that -- call your pastor for help. Call your family for help. This can NOT go on! Everyday she's there adds stress and anxiety to you and your unborn baby! If you can't do it for yourself, then please find strength in others and seek the help your baby deserves!
.do not hide under the guise of catholic religion..its not a confrontation when you have to make a decision about what is right and what is wrong
Sorry for being so direct
I am not Catholic anymore, but it was how I was raised, and obviously, the upbringing I had resulted in my anxiety issues, etc. It was more an attempt to explain the genesis of my difficulty. Just to clarify.
Well, as your OH seems a bit more comfortable with talking to her about stuff I would get him to approach her in a direct way (direct doesn't necessarily mean confrontational) and talk to her about making things 'equal' - that way she can't get upset about being picked on or anything.
Something like: 'We wanted to chat to you about how we're going to split up the house-work etc during the time you're here. We thought 'x' amount of money towards bills and food would be reasonable, or you could buy your own food if you like, and we can either take it in turns to cook or all cook for ourselves, whichever you prefer. I'd like us to all sit and work on a rota together for the housework so it's fair, and obviously the cat will need to be your responsibility because caska is pregnant and is not able to be around cat faeces at all. I'm sure you're wanting to get all this stuff straightened out as well nice and early on.'
I think you just need to be firm and direct. I don't think it's at all confrontational - you're not criticising her, just asking her to sit with you and figure out something you're all happier with. I'm sure if you ask her for a contribution towards bills and ask her to do her bit around the house she'll be keen to move out as soon as possible! If not then I reckon your OH could pose another firm and direct question - 'So, obviously you won't want to be here during the birth - messy! - what were you thinking of doing those few weeks?'.
You need to try to talk to her as a couple because the longer it's left now the more awkward it will be. If she wants to hide in her room then ask OH to go and knock and ask her to come and have a coffee with you while you figure out this food and bills business. Don't let her weird attitude to your relationship with your OH stop you being affectionate to each other - in fact, I'd be a bit more so in the hope it will help convince her she needs to find somewhere else to stay!
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