The title says it all, but also, not nearly enough. My husband's ex, who is a mutual friend (sort of, neither he nor I are very close to her, more an old drinking buddy from before we were married) recently posted on facebook bemoaning the fact that her air force husband can't take her with him to his next post for a while while he trains. Assuming, like any logical person, that they had just found out and this was down the line, I offered to let her come stay (specifically referencing that we'd have moved to our new house and we'd have a small baby). She communicated by 1 sentence facebook messages, and confirmed she'd come stay with us for a bit.
Only it turned out that she was coming in three weeks and bringing her cat. So now I'm sitting here, 31 weeks pregnant, with a houseguest. Oh, and it turns out she wants to stay for 20 weeks. This is our first kid, and probably only due to medical issues. I do NOT want anyone, let alone her, present for my homebirth, other than my DH, and certainly don't want company in that all-important first month together after the birth.
About this guest: she is incredibly quiet. She refuses to speak above a whisper. She has not had a job since getting married, but also does not clean or cook.
When she arrived, she complained about being tired and wanting a shower, so I showed her around and set up the bathroom. She then proceeded to sit on my spot on the sofa next to my husband, so that I had to sit on the floor. She sat there for two hours, in silence, basically, and never showered. At 11, she finally started mumbling about being hungry, passive-aggressively forcing us to go buy her take-out.
After a few days, it became clear that she won't buy herself groceries or feed herself anything that isn't ready to go straight into her mouth. AND she's a vegetarian. I used to be too, before I was so sick (I've had morning sickness since week 2, lucky me), but protein is more important than my sensibilities right now, and I don't appreciate the judgmental stares or the assumption I am going to cook for her.
She also glares when my DH express affection toward me. We work from home together, and we're married because we actually LOVE each other and want to be around one another. Not many people could tolerate being together 24/7 like we are, and I'm grateful we have such a strong bond. It's been miserable not being able to kiss, talk affectionately, cuddle, etc, because she sits there feeling bad for herself. I'd say we have a PDA problem, but this isn't public, it's our living room where we work all day (since she's sleeping in the office). And sex? Forget it. She is never more than 20 feet from our bedroom.
She doesn't have a car, won't take the bus, and won't clean up after herself. She's been here six days now, and hasn't offered to clean, or cook, or do dishes. Her cat pooped all over the wall in the office because she didn't bring cat food and it's stomach didn't adjust well to our brand. She just left it there to dry. (Oh, and she's using one of our litter boxes, too). She basically sits on her computer, google searching expensive yarn for her knitting and otherwise just invading my space. It's a 750 square foot place with one bathroom, which she has no problem taking over for 40 minutes straight at bedtime.
Did I mention she's sick with a cough and REFUSES to take Nyquil so she won't keep us up all night?
I am not good at confrontation, and I hate saying "No" or being the bad guy, but I am losing my mind. Her lack of consideration is beyond infuriating. I can not imagine acting the way she does as someone's guest. It goes beyond rude. How would you suggest handling this situation?
urgh that's hard - but i'd defo sit her down & tell her she needs to look for alternative accommodation. you never agreed for her to stay for 20wks in the first place!!! maybe explain whilst you're happy for her to stay as a stop gap she can't be there when baby comes home.... what an odd lady - she sounds completely selfish, gee wizzers she should be running round after you, making dinner etc etc .... some folks take the biscuit!
I can see how this is a difficult situation. For lack of a better plan can you refernce your medical condition(s) to somehow get her out? Like maybe say your doctor advises you to get a lot of quiet time, bedrest ie not do a lot of housework or cooking and so its a really inopportune time to have a guest?
Could OH approach her as the original connection is between them?
What an absolutely awful situation to be in - really don't know what to say or what I'd do in your position. As a pp said I really couldn't cope with having a guest to stay at the moment, let alone my DH's ex...
If it was me i would just tell her its not working and she needs to leave. Maybe give her a time frame, a week or so, but you can't just be taken advantage of.
She isn't your responsibility, so i don't think you need to feel bad about the situation!
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