A little over two weeks ago I had to make the awful decision to euthanize one of my horses. He was 29 years old, and over the past several months his age had begun taking its toll on him. When he stopped eating and began losing weight, I knew it was time.

His vet is wonderful, and he went very peacefully, but I still feel awful about it. Chance and I had an incredible bond; he ran whinnying to the gate whenever he saw me, and when I let him out he followed me like a dog. Losing him was like losing my closest friend.

Even though I know I made the right decision, I can't stop crying and I can't stop this feeling of anxiety that maybe there was something else I could have done to help him. I try not to think about it, but I do anyway. The past few years he's been on a special diet that required I feed him four times a day, so taking care of him represented a huge chunk of my day. Now my days seem so sad and empty, and I'm constantly being reminded of what I've lost.

Could I be harming Maddox by feeling this way? Ever since Chance died, I've been having more frequent and severe Braxton Hicks contractions; when I'm crying they get downright painful. Is this an indication that I'm stressing the baby? If so, what can I do about it? I've lost pets before, but never in this type of circumstance, and, as I said, my relationship with Chance was special. I can't just not grieve for him.

I don't want to risk anything happening to Maddox, but I don't know what to do to feel better.

Aw, sorry your horsie has gone. He looks gorgeous. I'm not sure if grief can being on early labour..... I do know that my Mum's Dad died two weeks before I was born and I ended up 3 days overdue. Maybe the BHs could be due to you tensing up when you cry?

Hope all is ok

xxx

I don't know if grief can bring on early labor, but i just wanted to say that im sorry for your loss. He was a very beautiful horse! I am sure he lived a wonderful life, it sounds like he loved you very much. I hope you feel better soon.

I lost my husband while pregnant and Corey wasn't premature and was a very healthy baby x

Im not sure, but so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet after 29 years must be heartbreaking. Take Care of yourself xxx

I'm so sorry. As a horse owner myself, I know all too well how you feel.
I have heard that the placenta absorbs a lot of the stress we feel, so hopefully that'll happen.
Dont forget he's still with you. Just not physically anymore. Xxx

So sorry for your loss.... and Moomin... I can't imagine losing my husband while pregnant.... you are so strong. xx

Thank you for the response. I wasn't sure if stress hormones crossed the placenta or not, and the thought of flooding poor Maddox with them made me feel even worse.

I've had people in "real life" say that I should just get another horse. It's as if non horsey people see horses as livestock rather than pets, and don't understand why I would grieve so much for one. As a fellow horse lover, I know you understand just how special they are and how deep those bonds can go. Even my husband spent several days crying over Chance, and he wouldn't climb in a saddle if you paid him.

I am so sorry to hear that. I lost my dog at the end of January, had to make the decision to put him to sleep. I still get terribly upset now and wonder if it was the right decision, he was like my baby, we were inseparable, he came on holiday with me, to the shops, followed me everywhere in the house, cuddled me the minute I sat down, even towards the end when he was deteriorating rapidly.

I worried about the stress on top of my pregnancy but felt I loved him too much to not grieve so I didn't hold back. I think only long term stress can affect baby. Although you will never be over it, it will get easier.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've actually heard the opposite - that stress impedes labor - but of course that could be totally wrong. The fact is nobody really knows exactly what brings it on - when it comes about naturally. I do know that when I am stressed I can feel my baby react to it - literally feel him churning in my abdomen - which reminds me to take some deep breaths and try to calm. Either way I am sure stress is not good for baby - but I mean what can you do? You have the right to grieve and you should grieve.