I really just need somewhere to vent and let off some steam. Usually vent to OH but not sure how to put this into words to him.

I wouldn't use the word 'hate' as I feel that is too strong of a word to use and is not a word I use generally but at present I really really dislike OH's niece who is 4 years and 6 months old. I can't stand her and this feeling of dislike is getting stronger every time I see her. And I am not entirely sure why or if my hormones are playing a major part in this too.

I have posted before about her jealousy but it's escalating so bad and I find myself having to bite my tongue more and more. Yesterday she accidently (well first time) kicked her sister in the head (she's 8 months) then because her gran said to be careful she deliberately done it a second time and hurt her sister who was in in tears. She was simply told to stop it. However less than 5 minutes later she done it again and hurt her again. Was so anoyed with her for hurting her sister but know it's not my place to say anything either to her.

Now at 4 and half she knows the difference between right and wrong but yet alls she ever gets is empty threats or if she does get wrong she gets smacked and then they still give into her. She thinks that saying sorry warrants her getting what she wants still depsite misbehaving. And her parents usually do give in and give her her own way which is just setting her up to fail in later life.

Now I work with children and no that tantrums are to be expected etc that I totally get. But she takes her to another level completely!!!!! In 7 years I have never ever said I dislike a child until now!!!!!!! It's to the point where I don't want to take my LO to OH's parents or Sister's house and he/she is not even here yet. I know she'll do everything in her power to ensure that she gets her grans attentions even if it's negative attention she gets. I am so worried she'll hurt our LO as I have witnessed firs hand on many occassions her hurting her younger sister just to get to her gran.

I just don't know what to do and really just want to never ever go up there again never mind take our LO up there either.

Plus today she kicked me twice in the tummy and then elbowed me. I didn't say anything because if I do she continues to do it even more for a reaction and so find that ignoring her is the best method even though she will do it two or three times to provoke a reaction.

I really feel awful and guilty for feeling the way I do and don't know if the hormones are making it worse or if it's my insinct to want to protect our LO.

Uh I don't blame you for being annoyed with this kid. Clearly the problem is no discipline. But really - when she starts hitting or kicking YOU - I think you are to the point where you are perfectly in line to do something about it. I mean really???? What would you do if she kicked your LO? Just let it go because she's not your kid? I'd be saying something now.

I can't blam you for feeling angry but you really shouldn't be angry at the kid. You should be at the adults....they're the ones to blame. The little girl is only acting in a way that she has learnt will get her her own way

I'm in a similar situation with my nephew who turned 4 in March. His mum, my sister is on her own & I really do feel for her as it's tough and I do try & help out when I can such as taking him out for the day, but it's getting to the point where I don't want to because he's horrible.

If he wants something like a toy of his he'll say to anyone whos there, I want my (insert toy here) so I'll say where is it & he'll say in that box, get it for me & I'll say if you want it, then you get it, & my sister will say oh just get it for him or he'll have a tantrum... so then I'm between a rock & a hard place cos I don't want to stress my sister out anymore, but why should I get a toy for him that he is perfectly able of getting himself!

So in the end my sister will get it & say something like 'there you go my angel, do you want anything else' & he'll say some chocolate & she'll get it for him even though 10 minutes earlier he wasn't hungry & so wouldn't eat his cereal!!

& this goes on over everything, if she's filled the bath with water for him, he'll throw a fit because he wanted to fill it up, so she'll empty it & then let him fill it up

I know I don't have any kids yet & she says to me oh you'll learn that you just can't bear to see your own child upset & you'll do things for them too, but I really want my child to be as independant as possible & I really hope that I'll be able to differentiate between a genuine need or distress in my child rather than just a control issue (which he wins all of the time)

I know all mothers love their children but I'm really hoping I wont have rose tinted glasses with mine, but I'm scared too as I have no experience yet & would hate for people to dislike my child because of the way I brought them up...

(that turned into a long post oops sorry )
xx

it definitely sounds like she has some problems, have you spoken with your OH about it and what you will do once your LO is here? personally I know people say it's the parents' fault and etc. but i still wouldn't want her anywhere near my LO, family or not.

good luck! and for the record if she was hitting or kicking ME i would have done something about it already, or just flat out refuse to visit anymore

Ohh this is a sore subject hun believe me!!! But just over a year ago me and OH were informed by his mum that we weren't allowed to discipline his niece and if she needed to be spoken to either his mum or sister would say something. However they don't and while I thought his mum was strict with her and didn't give into her over the last few days I have noticed she does just to keep her quiet and so she doesn't squeal. To be honest I never said anything to her but OH would however this request come after a massive falling out between OH and his sister and resulted in no contact between them for 5 months.

At present I can hold my tongue just!!! But me and OH (he is getting frustrated with her behaviour too) have both agreed that if she dares as much hurts a hair on our LO we will let rip. She is 4 and half and knows exactly what she is doing and knows right from wrong.

Ohh I know it's down to parenting through and through. But she's left to get away with it and continues to do it even more. The thing is though is that they started getting tough with her i.e not giving in to her demands, time out when she repeatedly hurt her sister or the dog etc and stickers for good behaviour however it seems to have fazed out now and so there backto square one only the behaviour is escalating more because her sister has started to want to interact with her Gran.

Rant away hun - know the feeling all too well. She is like this too and while scream and scream until someone gets it for her. ME - i refuse and till her at 4 she is a big girl and an get it herself.

She also is not impressed at the idea that from May we will no longer have room in our car for her to come along when we go out with her gran and grandad (they don't have a car)

This is my first too and would hate for my child to behave in this manner towards anyone. She was even repeatedly hurting her gran the other day and although her gran asked her to stop she continued and her gran did nothing it's driving me mad!!!! I know my child won't be an angel but me and OH both said earlier that our child will be given two warnings to be asked not to continue doing something they should do and then we will follow through with whatever action we said we would for example time out or removing a toy etc.

I feel your frustrations I really do . I'm just hoping that because I've seen how giving in all the time affects my nephew that I'll be able to stand my ground more than maybe I would have without observing this. So maybe it's a blessing to see these children like this as at least we know what we don't want to do.... no clue on what to do instead though haha

xx

Maybe it is a blessing in disguise lol

And maybe I should take a leaf out of her books and scream when OH won't let me have more ribbon or craft supplies

Knew I was going wrong somewhere lol

As long as we don't do what they do we should be fine lol.

I work with toddlers mainly and we all have high expectations of them all but it does help and they feel so proud of themselves when we tell them how fab they have been etc

Well if her parents can't cope with other people telling her off, then they'll get a rude awakening when she starts school. Still maybe the discipline at school will help with her behaviour or at least let them see that it's not normal or acceptable to just let your kid away with everything. I totally don't understand parents like that, you're just storing up so much trouble for yourself in the future. Kids like to know where the boundaries are and have way more respect for people that don't take any nonsense but back it up at the other end with fun activities, praise etc. I would still have said something about her hurting you even if all you said was you are hurting me when you do that please stop it. No one can complain that you're disciplining her then but you're still making it clear you aren't happy about her behaviour. By her behaviour so far I would guess that she will attempt to do something to your little one to test the waters and see what will happen to her, putting her in her place beforehand is probably a good idea.

We are going through something similar with our nephew... Who is 10! He has already started acting out as he has realized he will no longer be the "baby" of the family. It is insane, and is definitely a reason to re-think giving in all the time.