I didn't mind the "oooh tiny" thing that much - when it was done nicely. When it was done in the street after discharge and it was done in a more "ooh look freakshow" type way - THEN it really bugged the snot outta me - I'd always rather people came up and asked what weight/gestation she was etc and got the story straight than assuming (even if it DID mean that doing the weekly shop took hours)!
The one that really really really annoyed me was MIL, when she got to see her for the first time - who just melodramatically burst into floods of tears and started weeping and wailing. Thanks, we really needed support in dealing with mentally processing all that had happened - and you just decided to hijack the moment with bloody theatrics. Then you have my mother who responded in a much more "oh she's beautiful, tiny, but look at her beautiful perfect mouth" way - which is what we actually needed - just the acceptance that she WAS a stunningly beautiful baby (yes I'm biased), just in extra extra small.
The other one that always irked me a bit, but I know was well intentioned was her head control which basically took off at the same rate it would for a normal baby - meaning that for quite a while you had this baby that looked newer than a newborn, but actually had the head control of a 2 month old - and you'd get little old ladies tutting disapproval that (as far as they thought) you weren't handling her like a newborn baby! I just started getting into the habit of smiling, winking and saying "she's not as young as you think she is."
People treating my babies like they were a museum piece. I didn't mind if people ask to have a look at the girls but when ppl just walked up to them and start commenting drove me nuts!! Because I had two babies it would sometimes happen before I could get to the other incubator. Grrr!!!
My preemie was 7 lbs 1 oz at birth.. I hate when people say "why isn't he home? Hes a normal size baby.. is it because of your diabetes?" Ugh! No! Its because he was born 5 weeks early! Makes me feel like its my fault hes in here!
Oh yes, the 'isn't he tiny' comments really grind sometimes. I stopped adding on the 'but he was premature' line when people asked how old he was but it just attracted more stares and comments, so I'm back to "He's 4 months but he was 2 months premature" which usually satisfies. Funny thing he seems huge to us now (8lb 14oz, was 2lb 12 at birth).
Another comment that always gets right up my nose is "Oh but lots of babies get reflux"....as if I have nothing to complain about. Really? Have all those other babies not been able to lie down AT ALL for 3 months??? (Sorry rant over - his reflux is finally getting under control now we're on right formula / meds but im still a bit raw about it clearly!)
Thank u for posting this. I was on my way down to another thread when it caught my eye. A mom was shopping today and I asked how old her lo was after she asked the age of mine, she said 3 months..I said oh my, he's tiny! I said it with a smile, but she kinda half smiled at me and kinda shuffled off. I feel like a dumb cow now! I am sorry. I just didn't realize but I do now!! And your babies are beautiful! I'm sorry again. I won't ever say that again. I will replace tiny with cute or just stfu haha.
It's just a rant, and don't beat yourself up about it!
I'd have to say the comments are more heartbreaking than they are annoying. I can't speak for anyone else, it's just sad for me because I wish I had a full term healthy baby, but I didn't. It's hard to have to feel like you have to explain it to everyone because they look at you like you did something wrong.
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