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Old Oct 9th, 2012, 22:13 PM   1
Crayz
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Things you should NEVER say to the mother of a Preemie


"Omg. He/She is SOOOOoooo tiny!"

I had a woman come up to my daughter's incubator and actually say this to me. She was a friend of one of the other mothers.

I wanted to clock this woman in the baby maker.

Like, "Oh really? Is she? I didn't notice that my daughter was only 3 lbs."



 
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Old Oct 10th, 2012, 02:03 AM   2
dizz
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I didn't mind the "oooh tiny" thing that much - when it was done nicely. When it was done in the street after discharge and it was done in a more "ooh look freakshow" type way - THEN it really bugged the snot outta me - I'd always rather people came up and asked what weight/gestation she was etc and got the story straight than assuming (even if it DID mean that doing the weekly shop took hours)!

The one that really really really annoyed me was MIL, when she got to see her for the first time - who just melodramatically burst into floods of tears and started weeping and wailing. Thanks, we really needed support in dealing with mentally processing all that had happened - and you just decided to hijack the moment with bloody theatrics. Then you have my mother who responded in a much more "oh she's beautiful, tiny, but look at her beautiful perfect mouth" way - which is what we actually needed - just the acceptance that she WAS a stunningly beautiful baby (yes I'm biased), just in extra extra small.

The other one that always irked me a bit, but I know was well intentioned was her head control which basically took off at the same rate it would for a normal baby - meaning that for quite a while you had this baby that looked newer than a newborn, but actually had the head control of a 2 month old - and you'd get little old ladies tutting disapproval that (as far as they thought) you weren't handling her like a newborn baby! I just started getting into the habit of smiling, winking and saying "she's not as young as you think she is."



 
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Old Oct 10th, 2012, 03:02 AM   3
toothfairyx
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I used to get really razzed with people telling me I was lucky I wouldn't have stretch marks with them being so small , as if I would really give 2 hoots about that with everything going on!



 
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Old Oct 10th, 2012, 13:14 PM   4
Springflower
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People treating my babies like they were a museum piece. I didn't mind if people ask to have a look at the girls but when ppl just walked up to them and start commenting drove me nuts!! Because I had two babies it would sometimes happen before I could get to the other incubator. Grrr!!!



 
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Old Oct 10th, 2012, 14:31 PM   5
chelseav1213
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My preemie was 7 lbs 1 oz at birth.. I hate when people say "why isn't he home? Hes a normal size baby.. is it because of your diabetes?" Ugh! No! Its because he was born 5 weeks early! Makes me feel like its my fault hes in here!



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Old Oct 10th, 2012, 18:50 PM   6
lgc
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Oh yes, the 'isn't he tiny' comments really grind sometimes. I stopped adding on the 'but he was premature' line when people asked how old he was but it just attracted more stares and comments, so I'm back to "He's 4 months but he was 2 months premature" which usually satisfies. Funny thing he seems huge to us now (8lb 14oz, was 2lb 12 at birth).

Another comment that always gets right up my nose is "Oh but lots of babies get reflux"....as if I have nothing to complain about. Really? Have all those other babies not been able to lie down AT ALL for 3 months??? (Sorry rant over - his reflux is finally getting under control now we're on right formula / meds but im still a bit raw about it clearly!)



 
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Old Oct 10th, 2012, 22:29 PM   7
Crayz
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Oh. I constantly feel like I have to explain to people why my daughter is so small..

Now I just do it so they'll feel like an ass for commenting on her size.

Like, "Oh, we'll she was born premature because she wasn't growing and then we found out she has two heart defects and horrible acid reflux, which makes her gag and power vomit several times a day."

Then they're just speechless, and I go on about my grocery shopping. It takes me double the time it used to because people stop me to comment on her size every aisle.



 
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Old Oct 10th, 2012, 23:40 PM   8
MegnJoe
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Thank u for posting this. I was on my way down to another thread when it caught my eye. A mom was shopping today and I asked how old her lo was after she asked the age of mine, she said 3 months..I said oh my, he's tiny! I said it with a smile, but she kinda half smiled at me and kinda shuffled off. I feel like a dumb cow now! I am sorry. I just didn't realize but I do now!! And your babies are beautiful! I'm sorry again. I won't ever say that again. I will replace tiny with cute or just stfu haha.



 
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Old Oct 11th, 2012, 00:01 AM   9
Crayz
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Megnjoe-that's very sweet, and thank you!

Your daughter is beautiful as well!

It's just a rant, and don't beat yourself up about it!

I'd have to say the comments are more heartbreaking than they are annoying. I can't speak for anyone else, it's just sad for me because I wish I had a full term healthy baby, but I didn't. It's hard to have to feel like you have to explain it to everyone because they look at you like you did something wrong.



 
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Old Oct 11th, 2012, 06:51 AM   10
MegnJoe
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I could never imagine thinking a preemie was born because the mother did something wrong! anyone who thinks that is case is an A hole.



 
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