I feel bad for finding this so hard when other people have babies born at a much earlier gestation and their struggles are so much harder!! sometimes i feel like just because my baby was only born 5-6 weeks early she's not a 'real preemie' and i really should be grateful.

it does upset me so much that there seems to be a thing going around were 36 weeks doesnt count as a 'real preemie' to some people. i understand it's VERY VERY different from having a 24 weeker but it doens't make it any less hard. in the NICU/SCBU at the moment there is a 26 weeker who just went home on no oxygen no feeding tube and is doing excellently, there is also a 33 weeker who is about to be discharged on oxygen and an NG tube. there is no guarantee that a later gestation premmie wont have similar problems to the real earlier ones.

i guess i just feel i need some validation as i'm getting a lot of "i know someone whose baby was born at 25 weeks" and "oh only 34 weeks thats not bad you'll be out of there in no time" it is starting to upset me because the preemie journey is hard for EVERYONE. yes my baby didn't have to be ventilated (CPAP instead) and yes i got to hold her 2 hrs after birth but it still hasnt been easy expressing every 3 hrs, coming in to see her worrying about jaundice, feeding issues, weight, her breathing.

yes there are major differences between a micro preemie and a moderate or even late preemie but it is still hard! people with 36 weekers should feel welcome here if they relate (i know some 36 weekers can go home straight away i know theres one in our nicu who has been here 2 weeks and is still low birth weight and struggling the latter would probably relate more so).

ah mini rant over!

Sorry that you are made to feel like that. I have never seen anything like that on this board but perhaps I have missed a few posts.

Any parent who has to leave their baby in neonatal is incredibly hard and it doesn't matter if they are in 1 day or 1 month it isn't the way we all imagined when we fell pregnant.

I hope your lo gets home soon xx

This, is my pet peeve. The whole preemie top trumps thing does my head in.

We were slap bang in the middle. Early enough to worry, late enough to avoid the "micro" preemie stuff. But you know what? It was still a total mind fuck.

Since starting up a support group, I've a better appreciation of just how hard a NNICU journey can be and how lucky we were that our 6 weeks passed with barely a major incident, but knowing that now, or even knowing it at the time, didn't make it any easier. We had no idea that at 29 weeks the odds were good and she'd probably be fine. That tiny scrap of skin and bones, hooked up to wires and monitors, with a machine to help her breathe - that was the scariest thing I've ever had to deal with. I doubt it would have been any easier if she'd been three or four or five weeks older. She should not have been born yet and there is a reason babies need to be inside their mummies for 37+ weeks.

Anyone - even those who go full term - who end up with their baby fighting for their lives in NNICU, or having to do time in SCBU is facing something no parent wants to have to go through. It's the first week that hits us all hard anyway.

I go through the same thing with Abby's cerebral palsy too. In most ways she is perfectly fine, she just can't walk. Of course CP can be far more profound and debilitating and some people have it much harder with their children's disabilities than we do. That doesn't make my life any easier.

Preemie is Preemie. The challenges might be different between earlier and later but they are challenges nonetheless.

But don't get me started on those mothers who give birth at 37 weeks and like to say their babies were premature

so sorry your being made to feel that way hun!! I agree with you.. Gestation should not matter at all. Im my eyes any baby who comes before their due date is premature.. regardless of how mnay weeks it is! And any parent whos child goes to NICU or SCBU no matter the gestation goes through hell. My baby was born term + 6 but had to be rushed straight to SCBU, and i tell you.. those were the hardest few hours of my life not knowing what was happening with my baby. I am just very thankful he didnt spend a long time in there, it gives you a real understanding and sympathy for those who's children are struggling and need to stay in nicu/scbu.

any child of any gestation can have problems.. and any baby born before they are supposed to is a real preemie!

Indeed no two preemies are the same. I've never seen that attitude here (although the corrected age tickers for term babies (or like, a day out) can be quite frustrating and there's not much to correct -personal peeve!)

Although I have friends who have 36 weekers who got to go home right away and wouldn't refer to them as premature. I guess it can depend on the circumstances too

I remember being invited to a Facebook group strictly for micro preemies. Although we we had a 27 Weeker her weight was larger. I didnt post, but I was stunned to see the segregation. Some older babies need to fight so much harder, end up with more issues, so gestation doesn't define much in the end.

Anyone who steps through the NICU doors needs a pat on the back and a hand to hold, and you'll get that virtually here

big hugs xxxxxxx

Iv had that from mums whos babys were born at the same gestation as Niamh but because she was nearly 9lb she apparently did not count as a prem. Forget the 4 nights she spent in SCBU being treated for severe jaundice, having a ultrasound on her brain as she suspected she had a bleed because of her traumatic birth. Having to tell a doctor your two day old baby needed pain relief because the poor baby nearly had her shoulder dislocated and had a cannula in the other hand.

I know we did not have it half as bad as some familys but it still scared the shit out of be when they were talking about brain hemorrhage and blood transfusions.

I've never seen anyone on here being anything other than lovely to everyone, but I'm not on here as much as I used to be, so could easily have missed something.

Nobody expects their baby to have to go into NICU, however long or short a time it's for, and nobody should have to go through that. Any health issues at all with a baby are terrifying for the parents, whether it's at 23 weeks or 36 weeks.

I agree with Atomic Pink though, I've also had friends with babies born at 36 weeks who have gone straight home with no issues and they don't see them as premature. It does all depend on the circumstances.

I know of babies born much later than Sophie (she was a 27 weeker) who have had much tougher journeys than Sophie did, so gestation definitely isn't everything.

Exactly. Those first few nights are hell, no matter whether your baby goes home on day 5 or week 5

I'm going to steal that as a tag line for our group.