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Malouka Jun 30th, 2012 03:14 AM

don't want a boy because of past!
Hi All, this is my first post here and it's going to be a sad one right away. Yes it's another gender dissapointment post, but I really think I cannot deal with a baby boy. This is my first pregnancy and like many women I have always felt it is a girl ( I am 19 weeks pregnant ). Me and my husband were doing the nub theorie and I was so convinced it was a girl, then he found out that according to the nub theory it should be a boy. Even if I know that it's just a theory and we are no experts, I suddenly became soooo upset. I shouted at him saying that it's not a boy and I don't understand why he's so obsessed with having a boy, while I am actually the one obsessed with having a girl. All day I was so happy thinking it's a girl and all of a sudden someone tells me it may not be.. Ofcourse I know that it could be a boy, but I guess deep inside thats not what I want. The reason for this is quiete complicated. I know I have an issue with men. Im even surprised I'm living peacefully with one ( my husband ). My brother has abused me in the past. I am not going to bother you with this but it has left a big scar on me and because of that I am not even able to see my mom and sister anymore bcs I'm hiding for his sick brain and if anyone knows where I am he will find out and God knows what he will do. My dad also used to beat my mom up even when she was pregnant of me he threathened her with a knife. I also am convinced that most men will turn out to be perverts, pedophiles, rapers or any other kind women haters. I am also smart enough to know that this image of men is created because of my past. I just don't have enough positive experience with men to believe that my son will be a good man later in his life. I don't even think baby boys look cute because Im a person that always looks to the futur and when I look at a baby boy I see the futur and I see a man that will cheat on his wife or something like that. My husband never cheated on me but I just feel very lucky to be with a man like him. It's up to me to raise the boy well ( if its a boy I'm having ) but I'm also convinced that sometimes no matter how you raise a child a man is and stays a man.......... Am I crazy??? I also wanted to say that I was very depressed and was having counselling. As I said, my past left a big scar behind. I never felt happy in my life and always cried myself a sleep. Since I found out I was pregnant I never felt depressed anymore....untill now....Realising that the baby MIGHT be a boy.............and eventually a man... I have the 2nd scan in 5 days... How can I accept the fact that there is 50% chance of a boy? Is it sick that I don't even think baby boys look cute? Am I a racist?

Gina91 Jun 30th, 2012 03:21 AM

Sounds like you're having a very hard time! I hope for your sake babys a girl but you can't live your life in fear of having a baby boy!
How will you feel if baby is a boy? What will you do?
You're with a man who treats you well, there's NO reason why your son would turn out to be anything other than respectable.
I think you really need to talk to someone about this and get more counselling ASAP!

Themonkey Jun 30th, 2012 03:38 AM

Even if baby is a boy he's going to start out completely innocent. There is no reason to believe that he would display any of these traits.

Hopefully there is someone you can talk to for some professional counseling about your concerns too. In the mean time I would try to focus on the good in your life with your partner

miss cakes Jun 30th, 2012 03:40 AM

whatever you think of most men you dont think your husband is like that do you so you know deep down they arent ll the same and you will be the boys mother if you were to have a boy and you can raise him to respect and love women honestly i think you need some more help hun if you did have a boy you wouldnt want to inflict all that pain you got inside you onto your own child would you? xx

cheshire Jun 30th, 2012 04:56 AM

Either way you are going to deal with this, I second getting some help from people that can really help. The gender of the baby is not going to solve anything. A deep fear and hatred for men and having a little girl out in the world is not going to make your life any easier.

Charlie5 Jun 30th, 2012 04:58 AM

Why would your boy not take after your husband and be a wonderful lovely human being - I am sure he will be!!! :)

Not all men are like the ones you have experienced, your husband proves that :) I have a son and he is the most wonderful loving funny little boy and I am sure if you have a son he will be too. Hugs but please talk to someone professional about this.

flower01 Jun 30th, 2012 05:56 AM

id say you need to speak to someone about this and soon. Or if its too difficult, show them this post.
The fact you have written it to us lot is a good sign :) means you have accepted that there is still an issue.

I bet, if you do have a boy you will bring him up to be a lovely little boy :D

mummof1 Jun 30th, 2012 07:05 AM

If you have a baby boy maybe God is giving you a chance to bond with a male so that you will see that not all males are "bad". Your baby boy would come into this world completely innocent and as long as you and your hubby nurture him and bring him up in a loving and positive environment he will become a man who demonstrates good qualities and carries on a loving nature. Maybe you should try to talk to a professional to help you through this though, good luck!xx

SleepyBaby Jun 30th, 2012 07:35 AM

You need to seek out help soon, no matter what sex your baby is it will benefit your child and yourself if you can work through the problems in your past.

There are a lot of good men in the world, as well as the bad ones the same way there are alot of good women in the world and alot of bad ones, its not gender that determines who we are, its our relationships and the things we go through growing up, its how we handle defeat and how we deal with winning, there are a million and ten things that made us who we are, gender may play a roll but growing up in a loving home would play a bigger one, being taught right from wrong, caring and kindness, rules and respect, there is alot more to a person than gender

Live for today, the past is the past, the future is undecided and today is where the memories begin, trying to live in the past, present and future all at the same time woulds cause anyone to stress

:hugs: hope you find a way to get through your issues, it might not be easy but it will be worth it :hugs:

leahtaba Jun 30th, 2012 08:00 AM

I second what many PPs have said, you need to get counselling and help either way, even if baby turns out to be a girl, having that view of men is not healthy and I feel you would benefit from trying to resolve your past issues as they are clearly having a massive effect on you still and that's a big burden to carry.

Wishing you the best and hope you get the support you need!

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