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JASMAK Apr 11th, 2009 18:00 PM

What not to say:
Many couples who experience miscarriage are subjected to thoughtless comments from people who probably mean well but don't understand that what they're saying not only doesn't help but may hurt the feelings of someone who has miscarried. Here are some examples of things you should not say to someone who has had a miscarriage:

- It was for the best
- At least you know you can get pregnant
- Something was probably wrong with it
- Maybe God knows you are not ready to have children
- You're trying too hard. Just relax, and it will happen.
- Take my kids for an afternoon, and I promise you won't be so sad about losing the baby.
- Be glad. Having a baby changes your life; think of all the fun things you wouldn't have been able to do anymore.
- You should just be happy you have one/two/three children already. You don't need anymore.
- it was just a blob of cells. It wasn't a real baby.
- You're young. You'll get pregnant again
- It happens all the time; it's nothing to worry about
- At least you weren't very far along
- It wasn't meant to be
- It probably happened because ______________.

CarCam Apr 11th, 2009 21:46 PM

Ugh, it seems like I have heard most of them during the course of the last week. The amazing thing own friends and family are the ones saying the stupid things!

Even my own sister, who has experienced several miscarriages herself, had nothing nice to say.

pennypoptart Apr 12th, 2009 02:31 AM

I have a really insensitive bloke who works in my office, he came out with the following:

- "I wouldn't let it bother you"
- "Women go on to have babies in the forties... you've got plenty of years left in you"

mnnnnn... really helpful when you're trying not to burst into tears on your first day back into the office. Great.

All you really want is for people to acknowledge that you've actually lost your baby.

On top of doctors continuously calling it "the product of pregnancy".... grrrrr.

dan-o Apr 12th, 2009 03:38 AM

Yep I've had most of these too, especially off the MIL.
She's never MC tho, so maybe thats why - she doesn't understand?

Male doctors too, constantly telling me 'a couple of MC doesn't mean anything is wrong' :hissy:

chella Apr 12th, 2009 07:21 AM

Ive had them comments makes u go mad' another one i got was off a so called friend who i havent spoken to since was oh well bad luck but hey im 9 weeks pregnant so never mind???? wtf was that ????? but i just felt better in thinkin the guy who she got pregnant by isnt even her bf so no worries there, just hope she never has to go thru wat us girls went thru as then she'd kno how much that comment hurt!

orange-sox Apr 12th, 2009 07:41 AM

"there's plenty more chance" .... yeah there might be but I'll never get this baby back will I :hissy: Some people are so frickin rude and inconsiderate... :hugs: to everyone x

LoraLoo Apr 12th, 2009 12:17 PM

My daughter wasnt a iscarriage she was 5 days old but Ive had similar comments including

'Ah well never mind'
'Least you have the other 2' Oh yes great consolation!
'You can have another' Babies ARENT replacable ffs
'Well, you got longer than I did' From my sister who had several early miscarriages herself.
'Maybe it was for the best'- My own mum!
'Least she was only 5 days old and didnt have a personality' DP's Mum
'These things happen for a reason' Please god damn tell me what reason there could be?

tricky nicky Apr 12th, 2009 12:32 PM

could we have a thread for the right things to say
my friend miscarried in december and i admit ive used a couple of the sentences above but its so hard to try and find words to show how i feel about the subject

Aidedhoney Apr 12th, 2009 13:00 PM

Right things to say.........Sometimes no words or needed just a hug or a touch can say a thousand words.
Well thats what i found


Wobbles Apr 12th, 2009 14:12 PM

In a sad way I like this thread and have made it a sticky I think it may actually be useful sometimes people think they are helping and aren't all spiteful so I think this is useful.


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