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jinxii Dec 31st, 2015 09:22 AM

It took us fifteen years to conceive Saffron Rose. My water broke first thing in the morning one day before 19 weeks. I knew I lost her.... but the worst part was when I got to the hospital she had a heartbeat and looked perfectly fine, just couldn't develop any further. So I had to make the awful choice to remove her surgically or do labor and deliver her myself before infection set in. I chose labor because surgically, they would take her apart. She was beautiful. My husband was in shock and kept saying she looked so much like me. Now I'm completely broken with no idea how to come out of this. It would help if there was a reason but they couldn't find one and she was perfect.

6lilpigs Dec 31st, 2015 09:40 AM

Just wanted to send massive hugs to you both, this is such sad news xxxxxx

Boozlebub Dec 31st, 2015 13:49 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. X

sophxx Dec 31st, 2015 13:54 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss

Left wonderin Dec 31st, 2015 16:13 PM

Heartbroken with you xxxx I'm sorry .

jinxii Dec 31st, 2015 20:48 PM

I had to go sign paperwork for cremation today and pick out her urn. It was awful... I still haven't eaten since the night before I went into the hospital and my husband keeps trying to force me too. He doesn't understand that I'm just not hungry.

LDC Jan 1st, 2016 11:23 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss of Saffron, there are no words and no actions that are going to make the rain stop falling at the moment. Please be kind to yourself, it's all so raw and new and I have no doubt that you're about to experience a whole range of emotions over the next few days, weeks and months. My advice is to roll with them, don't try and fight them. Are you getting any support from the hospital? Please try and access as much support as possible, it helped me massively to be supported by people who were going through things at the same time as me but also those further along in their grief who could show me that although I would never forget, the darkness would lift slowly. And I promise you it does, but it takes a hell of a long time and those emotions will still come and bite you on the bum when you least expect it.

Be kind to yourself, and try and eat a little. On top of the emotional grief, you need to make sure that you're physically capable too, little and often helped me. Your body has been through a lot and needs the energy and strength to support you emotionally


chistiana Jan 3rd, 2016 13:42 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, my hear breaks for you and your dh. I hope you can find comfort in each other. RIP sweet angel

Willow01 Jan 3rd, 2016 15:43 PM

Jinxii I am so sorry for your loss, at the moment you must just be in a whirlwind of loss and denial, no words can express or explain what happened or why but damn to the world for it happening. Bless your wee girl, and your family. She is in the arms of loved ones until you can be with her again. Let your husband take care of you, you waited so long for this and both your hearts must be absolutely broken, I hope you are starting to find a little bit of strength just now and as pp said looking to the doctors for support in this difficult time. Remember to start to eat and take care of yourself too. No words can make this better but just know that there are people out there thinking of you and sending you lots of love as I am tonightxx

xxmyheartxx Jan 4th, 2016 14:36 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs: xxx

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