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minties Oct 24th, 2016 22:28 PM

No idea how to react to this :-(
My son was relaxing after school playing Minecraft on my PS3 (he gets to play it as a reward for reading and writing as he finds it hard to do those things/doesn't enjoy them). We'd had a cuddle and I had made him a snack, we had talked about his day etc.

While he was starting his game up and got on the computer to do a couple of things. Sophie fell asleep as she's sick and Emma was sitting in her swing. Thomas randomly says "I wish I could kill Emma" in a really deep and angry tone of voice.

My internal reaction was one of "WHAT THE FUCK??" but I was outwardly calm. I asked him to please go to his room for a minute while I thought about what he said. I then went and told him that if he has a problem with Emma or feels like he doesn't like her, that he can come and talk to me/his dad/his teacher/another adult any time and that we will be more than happy to listen.

Do you agree with how I handled it? I think he just really dislikes his baby sister and is upset at how much of my time she takes, and that he wishes she wasn't here. That in itself makes me sad. He only talks to her maybe once a week and will laugh if she pulls a particularly funny face but that's it. He won't touch her.

OnErth&InHvn Oct 24th, 2016 23:01 PM

DD1 (10) didnt like DS (11). She also wished he wasnt part of our family. We got her into Play Therapy. It did help. They arent besties but they tolerate each other and will play.

I think you handled it well. Kids dont know how to say what they really feel so tey say what comes to mind. You should try and find the deep down feeling and work it out. :hugs:

Ellivort Oct 25th, 2016 08:39 AM

I think you handled it well. Last thing you'd want is to yell and shame him forcing him to hide his feelings.

Sometimes kids say crazy things without full realizing the reality of what was said. If there are no other concerns, violence to animals, general lack of empathy etc, you are probably right, he's just having trouble adjusting to his little sister.

He went from being the only, to having a little sister and now having 2 little sisters and he's still little.

I think encouraging him to share his feelings is the exact right move!

Bex84 Oct 25th, 2016 15:13 PM

I don't think you mishandled it but I would be working harder on them forming a relationship. I would be worried about saying wish he could kill her and I would be talking about it's not acceptable to say and that how it is a very serious and unkind thing to say ( I have a 5 year old and would be talking to her about realising impact of words). I would tell him it's fine to dislike siblings but list together all the wonderful things about her, I would also be involving him more with her like getting him to play games with her. I would do some nice things with them together like zoo and get him to show his sister what he likes, get him to share what he likes with his sister so he gets to do nice things with her. It's a big change for him and there is a learning period and is good sharing, just try working on him seeing positives. Maybe get him a little gift from his sister. My 5 year old loves teaching her little brother and even just hanging out for a cuddle watching tv (this from when born)

lau86 Oct 25th, 2016 15:23 PM

Funny all the different ways people handle things. I think you handled it perfectly. Personally I wouldn't force her on him. If he doesn't like her, chances are he will in the future- she is still young and probably a bit boring to him.

Bex84 Oct 25th, 2016 16:39 PM

I agree with above of not forcing on and re read my post, and came off weird. I really did think you did right thing. By doing positive things more meaning doing fun things for him and put her in a carrier or pushchair so he can see doing good things with her. I'm sure he will accept her soon. My daughter likes she is the eldest so that means she can be helper and teacher as makes her feel important. Hope I didn't come off as judgemental as I think you seem a fantastic parent saying what done.

Zephram Oct 25th, 2016 17:13 PM

Honestly, I don't think what he said was very far out there or unusual. I think a lot of older siblings resent their younger siblings in the beginning because they bump them down the totem pole in terms of how much attention they get - newborns take all the time and attention because they need so much. As she gets older the attention will redistribute again.

I think you handled it really well. I would just tell him that wasn't a nice thing to say, explain she won't always be just an annoying baby and try to give him a little bit of one on one time when you can.

I also wouldn't worry about him ignoring her most of the time. Young babies just don't do anything that would interest a lot of kids - they feed, sleep, cry and poop, the end. When she's older and actually interacting with him he will probably have more time for her.

AngelofTroy Oct 25th, 2016 17:41 PM

I think you handled it so well. It sounds so sad and scary and I would worry too but objectively I think this is a normal 5 year old "all or nothing" expression if a normal emotion. I would try to build in more one to one time with him if possible, keep the dialogue open and maybe show him some photos of him and Sophie as babies? Tall about how they've changed and how Emma will too. :hugs:

Mom22Feb Oct 25th, 2016 20:22 PM

Sounds as if you responded well. He may need some one on one time to feel special and loved. Sharing for kids does not come naturally, whether it is toys, food or attention. Kids verbalize what we adults are thinking sometimes in the moment but would not say aloud.

Mom22Feb Oct 25th, 2016 20:36 PM

Sounds as if you responded well. Your son may need some one on one time so he feels he is valued and special. Kids do not share naturally whether it is food, toys,time etc. He just expressed what many adults feel but don't verbalize, when caught in the moment.

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