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kittycat18 Jul 13th, 2017 16:32 PM

Taking DD to scan?
DD is nearly 6 and we have a private assurance and gender scan on Saturday at 17 weeks. I feel really torn about whether or not to take her with us.

I have had 3 previous miscarriages and our last pregnancy was a MMC at 11 weeks in December. I had an early scan at 6 weeks due to subchorionic hemoraging between 5 and 12 weeks and everything was fine with the baby. We had our booking appointment and dating scan at almost 12 weeks and again everything was perfectly fine.

The pregnancy has been progressing fine (bloods and urine clear, BP normal, bump developing and I'm certain I have felt some flutters over the past week). However, due to the MMC I have felt intensely anxious and paranoid throughout this pregnancy. I have had difficulty sleeping, reoccurring nightmares and I have went to every appointment expecting the worst. I am extremely concerned that we will go on Saturday and something will be wrong with the baby. My DD knows I'm pregnant and is extremely excited about being a big sister. I know seeing her sibling and being made to feel like part of the pregnancy would be lovely for her but I'm terrified.

OH thinks we should take her and is confident that everything will be perfect with the LO. Do you think my anxiety is getting in the way? What would you do?

Bumpontherun Jul 14th, 2017 04:56 AM

I don't think I would take her. My two are 7 and 5. The first time I got a BFP we stupidly told them straight away (it just hadn't occurred to me that a BFP doesn't always lead to a baby). They were devastated when it turned out to be a chemical. I have concealed my last two pregnancies (which ended in miscarriage) from them and haven't told them about my current one either. I think the idea of taking her to your scan is lovely and the chances of there being a problem at this stage are super slim but if it's going to add to your anxiety then don't do it. She can see pictures afterwards and she won't know that coming along was an option. She can always come to a midwife appointment to hear the heartbeat or when you are further on and a bit more relaxed you could get a home doppler so she can listen that way. I just don't think you should put the unnecessary pressure on yourself. :hugs: Good luck for the scan.

kittycat18 Jul 14th, 2017 05:26 AM

Thanks for your input :flow: I had my first MC before DD so I knew with my subsequent pregnancies not to say anything until after the dating scan. I just feel so conflicted. If everything turns out to be fine tomorrow (as it has been at our two previous scans) then I'll be kicking myself that she missed out on sharing this special moment. Obviously we won't be taking her to the NHS anomaly scan and by the time I'm having midwife appointments she will be back at school :shrug: I really don't know what to do.

MindUtopia Jul 14th, 2017 05:52 AM

I wouldn't take her if it's going to make it a stressful experience for you. I don't really think scans are all that exciting, to be honest, and mine is nearly 5 and I don't think she'd really get it or enjoy it. I think not knowing what she's missing, she would probably be just as excited to have you come back and show her the pictures and talk about the baby and what you saw. They can pick up on things if you're nervous and stressed and she will likely sense something is wrong. I wouldn't want to make it a stressful experience for her. I wouldn't take my daughter to any scans, I don't think, unless it was purely a childcare related issue and I couldn't leave her with anyone else. I think I would want to feel as relaxed as possible for it all and I think I would be more on edge if my daughter was there, which is seems like you would too. I also know mine is very hopeful for a particular gender (she really wants a brother), so I would want to tell her privately and not in a scan room just in case I wasn't sure how she would react.

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