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Gabrielle Jun 2nd, 2010 13:38 PM

Finally need to talk to someone...please
I don't know if I belong here...but I havent spoken to anyone and I just need to talk to someone....

On March 15 I underwent a total abdominal hysterectomy, it was not planned and I had no intentions of having this done. I had some internal bleeding which was due to ovarian torson. I underwent the surgery and when I awoke the next day the doctor came in to tell me the news.

I had a terrible infection, and a massive amount of internal bleeding...I was so sad that everything was taken away but I knew it had to be done.

Then she went on to tell me more.....that I was about 9 weeks pregnant and they had to remove everything so obviously this meant to take the baby as well......

Ladies I had no clue I was pregnant, I know they did a pregnancy test and that had come back negative so I didnt have any feeling of being pregnant. I had been bleeding for a few weeks so didnt think anything of it.

So, I lost my baby that day. And not even my husband knows about this. I havent talked to anyone. He was at home with our boys the day the doctor told me the news and I just have not said and word. But it's eating me alive everyday.

I work in a hospital and everytime I go to the OB floor I break down crying. Everyone just thinks it's because I had a hysterectomy at the age of 22..but no one knows that I lost a baby at this point too.

I am heartbroken and dont know what to do. I am blessed with 3 beautiful boys and I thank God everyday.

I hope it's okay that I posted in here, and Big to you all.

It hurts soo much because all of my close friends are pregnant and they always tell me , dont be sad you have 3 kids...yet they dont know the whole thing. I never went to have a funeral for my baby or anything and I feel so guilty too.

Terri1980 Jun 2nd, 2010 13:57 PM

Oh Gabrielle, I am SO sorry you had to go through that.. and that you are still going through it all alone! I lost my baby last week at 12 weeks pregnant (although baby had stopped developing at around 9 weeks). It has helped to me talk to my husband about everything I am feeling, he has been a huge support. I haven't really talked about it with anyone else yet, except on this forum and another site I am on too. I don't know what your relationship with your husband is like, but if it's good I really think you should talk to him. That is just my opinion, you have to do what is right for you. Talking about what happened is so important in the healing process... so even if you can't talk to the people in your life, I hope you will keep talking about it here! Don't live with this alone... *BIG HUGS* Please feel free to message me ANYTIME if you need someone to talk to.

aviolet Jun 2nd, 2010 14:02 PM

Hun, you belong here. You lost a baby and this is an amazing forum for support. I am so so sorry for your loss and for how it happened.... I urge you to talk to your husband, to share this with him - he has a right to know, and if he knows he can support you. Which you very much need at this time - that emotional support. There are things you can do for your baby - and it's easier when you have an OH there to do it with you. Even without your baby physically there you can still have a funeral/memorial service... I lost my baby in November and I didn't have a service until Christmas - I had it alone, standing out in our backyard at 2 am Christmas morning, as the snow fell, I suddenly felt called to the family tree where we've carved all our family members' names, and I carved my baby's initials in the tree, said a prayer, sang a lullaby, and I swear I heard sleigh bells jingle from the sky :blush: we all need to do things that bring us closure and it's a lot easier to do that when we tell those people closest to us. You've lost a little one at 9 weeks, you had no idea s/he was inside of you. it's natural to feel some guilt, just know it isn't your fault at all!! And with the symptoms you were having and your health that needed caring for it was unavoidable - your baby may already have been lost by then. Grieve - please grieve, don't stifle it, let it out, share these thoughts with family, with your husband. and know that we are all here for you as well :hugs:

MissMaternal Jun 2nd, 2010 14:07 PM

Oh hun i'm so sorry :( I'm 22 aswell and can't imagine going through what you've been through.
I agree with Terri - i really think you should talk to your husband about it, when you're ready, obviously. I don't know how i would have got through the last 4 weeks without my OH. I lost my daughter Freya 4 weeks ago, at 20 weeks. We talked together about it from the moment we were told that horrible news. Without his support i could not have got through it. It has brought us closer together, and i would hope the same will happen for you and your husband.

This will make you a stronger person in the end, it's hard to believe now, but it will.
Look after yourself. :hug: Your boys are absolutely beautiful. xx

Beanbabe Jun 3rd, 2010 16:10 PM

Honey Im so sorry.

You really need to tell someone about this. you will feel so much better when you do. Perhaps in some way you are trying to protect your oh from the pain but I think you need his support.

of course you are thankfull for you three boys but that doesnt mean that you should not grieve for the baby you lost. Not only did you lose your baby but you lost the chance to have more and that is a huge thing to come to terms with especially considering you are so young. You need some support. Noone could or should go through this alone.

You dont have to have a funeral in the conventional sense. maybe you could go to a church and light a candle for your baby. A small token or gesture that is significant to you would help you acknowledge your baby. :hugs::hugs:

KA92 Jun 3rd, 2010 16:18 PM

:hugs: the ladies have said it all so just lots of :hugs:

bluesky Jun 4th, 2010 07:05 AM


Chris77 Jun 4th, 2010 07:18 AM

Gabrielle, I am SO sorry you had to go through that hun. And I'm sorry for your loss. :hugs: :hugs:

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