My Story

I’ve been coming on here for a while now and thought it was time to tell my story. This may take a while to read so I suggest if you’re planning on reading it, you might want to make yourself a cup of tea first!

Well, where do I start! It all started in 1986 when I was 18 (yes, I’m really that old!). I fell pregnant and was over the moon. My boyfriend at the time was a bit aggressive and possessive but at 18 you don’t think too much about it do you. To cut a long story short, I miscarried at 12 weeks. I was heartbroken. My partner was quite supportive but he didn’t really understand. In 1987 I fell pregnant again. At 12 weeks I miscarried again. I couldn’t believe it. One month later I again fell pregnant. I started bleeding at 10 weeks and was taken into hospital. I was told I was carrying twins but had lost one. The pregnancy carried on and at 28 weeks I started bleeding again. The hospital did lots of tests and I was allowed home and told all was ok. At my 32 week check I was admitted to hospital with pre-eclampsia and my son was born by emergency caesarian at 33 weeks weighing just 2lb 7oz. He had stopped growing at 28 weeks but was miraculously ok. I was found to have rhesus negative blood and my son had to have a blood transfusion. I brought him home when he was 6 weeks old weighing just 4lb 4oz. We named him Ben. I split up with his dad when Ben was 5 years old as the aggression got worse and I just couldn’t take it anymore. He is now 18 years old and doing fine.

Four and a half years ago I started a relationship with somebody else. Funnily enough, he was my brothers best mate and I’d known him for 20 years. We got together and are still very very happy. I love him with all my heart and are so lucky to have him. Shortly after getting together we talked about having a child. We both wanted it very much. His parents died when he was young and he has no other family. A baby of his own would be his only blood relative and I knew it would make him so happy. He was the first person I trusted to have a child with since leaving Ben’s dad and it seemed so right. I fell pregnant the first month of trying. At 6 weeks I started bleeding but was told all was ok. I went for my 12 week check to find our baby had died at 8 weeks. I couldn’t believe that history was repeating itself all over again. Within 3 months I fell pregnant again. I lost the baby at 8 weeks. Within the next two years I lost another 3 babies. We thought we would never have a child. In August 2005 I found out I was pregnant again. At a time when most people are so happy, we were so scared. I had to use heparin injections daily and take aspirin. Not that they had found anything wrong but just as a precaution. We were willing to try anything. As the weeks went by we were still so nervous, every time I went to the toilet I was checking for blood. I was frightened to move. We got to 12 weeks and I waited for the same thing to happen again. It didn’t!. We got to 16 weeks, then 18 weeks. We thought maybe this was the one. We were going to have our baby after all. We went for our 20 weeks scan. I had convinced myself that this was where it was all going to go wrong. Surely things couldn’t be that easy this time, I was certain they would find something. We were told we had a perfectly healthy baby girl. We cried and cried for hours. Luck was finally coming our way. For the next few weeks I felt constantly wet down below. When I mentioned this at ante-natal, the doc told me it was perfectly normal as you have much more cm when you are pregnant.

On 6th January 2006 at 25 weeks I woke up shivering. I started being violently sick and phoned the gp. I was told it was probably a virus and they would call me later. By lunchtime I was unable to walk. I was so ill the doctor came out to see me. He phoned an ambulance straight away. Then the stomach pains started. They got worse and worse until I realised I was actually in labour. This couldn’t be right, I was only 25 weeks. I wasn’t completely distraught at this time though cos I thought that any baby born after 24 weeks had a good chance of survival. I don’t think I could actually take in what was happening. By the time I got to the hospital at about 4.30pm I was in established labour. I delivered our daughter Ellie at 5.09pm. She was born asleep weighing just 1lb 10oz.

We found out afterwards that I was a carrier of strep b and that all the time I was feeling wet down below was cos there was a tiny hole in the baby’s sac and the infection got in. She had been kicking away as normal the night before. I was very very ill and nearly died. I had blood poisoning where the strep b had got into my blood through Ellie and the hospital had a terrible time of controlling it. No antibiotics would help. I was in hospital for nearly a week. We came home without our baby. Her funeral took place on 7th February 2006.

We have been trying to conceive ever since and nothing seems to be happening. I used to fall pregnant so easily before Ellie but now its so difficult. The doctors say there is nothing wrong with either myself or Dave so maybe we are just not meant to have a baby. I am more determined than ever to keep trying but I don’t know what I would do if we had to go through this again. It would break me completely. If it wasn’t for Dave I wouldn’t be here now. He is my rock.

Well that’s my story, told you it was long!

Nicola

Thank you for sharing your story with us Nicola,you must be so strong to have gone through so much. I don't know what to say to help, but I do wish you eery happiness in the future and hope you get a bfp and have a healthy pregnancy very soon xxx

oh honey, you have had such a tough time of it...i too am adding you to my prayers for a bfp for you and your oh, you have been through so much together...lots of love and cuddles bxox

Thanks for sharing your story, very touching & real my heart goes out to you

Your a strong woman it seems & a strong couple I wish you all the best for a speedy BFP & a happy & healthy pregnancy, one you truely deserve.

x

Thank you all for your kind words. I'm confident this is the month! I was due to have a hysteroscopy next week but it has been cancelled til 18th Dec so we have another month to bd away to our hearts content. Poor dp cant get up in the morning!

Oh Nicola.....you have really been thru it hun, I am so sorry

Never give up babe, I am sure your time will come, you sound like a lovely solid couple who truely deserve this, I wish you a speedy BFP...........maybe you are just wanting it so much, that is why it isn't happening, try to take a month out of TTC but BD as often as poss but with out the.....'will we wont we catch'.....I really wish you all the luck for the future babe! x

Thanks Tam. We say thats what we're gonna do every month but its programmed in my head when we should and shouldnt bd so i cant help thinking about it all the time. I even start testing about 4 days before af is due i'm that desperate. My whole life revolves around ttc. Mind you, if i was to get a bfp i'd probably faint then have to stay in hospital for the 9 months due to hyperventilation!!!

Awwwww babe.....I know it is hard! You just keep going babe, we are all here to support you! x

Oh Nicola, no words can really be right here. I am so sorry for you, you have gone through to so much!!!

I made my coffee before i read

You are really such a strong woman hun, i would have crumbled in your place.
Sounds like you have a really solid relationship with OH

All the best hun and loads of baby dust and glue blowing your way