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Old May 16th, 2016, 13:05 PM   1
todmommy4568
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Playing God?


DH and I have reached the one year mark TTC this month. I have an appointment to discuss our next steps in 8 days and I am really struggling. I find myself almost constantly wondering if I am throwing God's plan for us out the window by seeking fertility treatments. Am I abandoning my faith by making this my plan rather than His? If it were His will for us to have a child wouldn't it have happened, or will happen with time? Am I playing God if I go through fertility treatments to conceive?

Have any of you ladies struggled with similar feelings? How did you know you were doing the right thing?



 
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Old May 16th, 2016, 16:11 PM   2
Lues
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Hello.

So I'm not particularly religious specifically, but I can TOTALLY 100 percent relate to what you're saying. It was a matter of "meant to be" to me, so same basic idea.

Before I ever tried to get pregnant I had opinions like, "we'd just stop preventing and whatever happens is what happens". I actually wasn't even someone who wanted kids my whole life, and I thought i'd be fine with never having them.

About a year into TTC, I realized I was wrong. We had been married for ten years, and I was ready. I wanted to be a mother. But I struggled with wondering the same thing... perhaps it just wasn't meant to be. (and wondering if my husband ever thought that... which it turns out, he didn't)

It was a long time before I even called an RE. Just SCHEDULING my first appointment was very... VERY emotional for me. I was unsure if I even wanted to go. I didn't want to do anything QUOTE "drastic". I hesitated about the meds I was convinced they'd want to give me. The list goes on.

I'm SO glad I went.

I won't lie. There was so... much. It was an overwhelming appointment. (in MANY MANY ways). And that feeling didn't go away after one appointment. But I found myself just taking one step at a time.

In my case, step one... progesterone. Okay. After some research, I was okay with that med. And it seemed like such a tiny intervention, taking it felt less like a big deal than I expected.

It took a few tries to find an RE office that I felt listened and worked with me. There were medications I wasn't ready or willing to try yet. I wanted to do things the slow way. We'd been trying three years at this point... didn't seem like a big deal to wait a few more months. And they were more than happy to work with me and take MY opinions and plans into consideration.

Ultimately... everything was my decision. One step at a time.

Did that feeling go away? No. It really didn't. Every time I didn't get pregnant, I would think, maybe this is just a message from the world that I should stop trying. But something kept me going. And every time there was something new to try (I ended up getting pregnant with an unmediated IUI cycle) I would break down, think it was "too much", maybe my body just knew what it was doing...etc. There were plenty of unwanted children, why didn't we just adopt??

I was CONSTANTLY emotionally unsure I was doing the right thing.

Until..... I got pregnant.

Now... I don't wonder at all. I'm 8+ months pregnant and there is simply no doubt in the world that this Little Minion is meant to be.

And I am willing to bet that if you've put this much thought into it, you'll be a wonderful mom and I bet He thinks so too. (think about how many people in this world put little to no thought into bringing life into the world. I'd much rather have people put MORE thought and effort than less)

In a way, I was taking care of my child years before we even conceived him. And it's led us to appreciate this pregnancy more than I believe most people do.

For me, fertility treatments were just a part of my journey of becoming a mother.

I feel your concern, your stress. I really do. So i thought I'd share my story. I had the same doubts, the same worries.

And now... there is nothing that could make me question whether it was the right thing to do. It was one of the best things I've ever done and it's something I'm quite proud of myself for. I worked very hard for this, and it's a gift I'm grateful for every single day.

So hugs to you and good luck at your appointment, no matter what you do.



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Old May 16th, 2016, 16:17 PM   3
Ali33
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I understand what you are thinking. I sometimes think the same thing. My thoughts, God puts people in places to help us. If He truly doesn't want it for you, it won't happen. I believe that the Lord has the ultimate plan for our lives. Everything we go through is in His plan. We don't always know why but through it all He is good. Pray about it. He will give you the answer.



 
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Old May 16th, 2016, 21:24 PM   4
todmommy4568
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Lues thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate it. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Thanks Alli, I suppose even with all the fertility treatments in the world if it isn't meant to happen it still won't. Somehow that makes me feel better



 
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Old May 17th, 2016, 11:02 AM   5
Lues
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You know what i just thought of? One of my favorite parables from when i was a kid:

The Parable of the Flood
copy and pasted from this website: http://blog.eternalvigilance.me/2012...-of-the-flood/

A man was trapped in his house during a flood. He began praying to God to rescue him. He had a vision in his head of God’s hand reaching down from heaven and lifting him to safety. The water started to rise in his house. His neighbour urged him to leave and offered him a ride to safety. The man yelled back, “I am waiting for God to save me.” The neighbour drove off in his pick-up truck.

Flood

The man continued to pray and hold on to his vision. As the water began rising in his house, he had to climb up to the roof. A boat came by with some people heading for safe ground. They yelled at the man to grab a rope they were ready to throw and take him to safety. He told them that he was waiting for God to save him. They shook their heads and moved on.

The man continued to pray, believing with all his heart that he would be saved by God. The flood waters continued to rise. A helicopter flew by and a voice came over a loudspeaker offering to lower a ladder and take him off the roof. The man waved the helicopter away, shouting back that he was waiting for God to save him. The helicopter left. The flooding water came over the roof and caught him up and swept him away. He drowned.

When he reached heaven and asked, “God, why did you not save me? I believed in you with all my heart. Why did you let me drown?” God replied, “I sent you a pick-up truck, a boat and a helicopter and you refused all of them. What else could I possibly do for you?”



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Old May 17th, 2016, 11:19 AM   6
todmommy4568
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I remember that well, definitely put a smile on my face. There are people here to help us on our journey, great thing to keep in mind!



 
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Old May 18th, 2016, 08:09 AM   7
krissie328
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I agree with the other ladies. Some days I really struggle and want to believe it will happen. But then I remember all the years it didn't happen until clomid. I look at ds and know he was given by God. Honestly I feel my journey made me a better mom and it was just part of the plan.



 
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Old May 20th, 2016, 11:00 AM   8
Cristy100
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there's no such thing as playing God by wanting to have babies. and I really doubt that God would want someone to have this huge blame of not having kids. you should try further. the more the better. don't give up! you're not playing God. you just search for fertility solutions. do it further!



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Old May 20th, 2016, 13:49 PM   9
lisap2008
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I dont believe your playing God by using assisted conception. Your just improving your odds but its still up to God if it happens successfully.



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Old May 23rd, 2016, 02:55 AM   10
Mama06
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Totally depends on your religion.



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