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Old Jan 27th, 2017, 12:06 PM   1
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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How to cope with jealousy?

Hello ladies!

Anyone have any good coping mechanisms to deal with intense jealousy? Besides a bottle or two of wine!

I've learned to deal with strangers/acquaintances/Facebook friends being pregnant, mostly by avoiding them, but now one of my best friends (who doesn't really want kids and was told she might be infertile) has gotten pregnant after just 1 MONTH ttc, and my other best friend is about to have IVF in a few days, and will most likely become pregnant. While I am happy for both of them, especially my bff who has struggled with infertility almost as long as I have, I can't help but feel devastated and angry that I will be the last one to get pregnant (if ever), even though I've been trying the longest!!

Any advice is appreciated, or feel free to vent if any of you are experiencing similar feelings so I don't feel like the only A-hole here!

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Old Jan 28th, 2017, 15:13 PM   2
Firefly Skies
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The only advice I have to give is take care of yourself. Take your own mental health day if you need to, and do something for yourself. Make it a home-made spa day: take a bath by candlelight, do your nails, make yourself something delicious.

Focus on things you want to accomplish in your life that you can accomplish in your life. When I feel jealous of other people, I really just feel upset over my own loss of control over the whole baby situation. In that way, it helps me a LOT to focus on what I need to change elsewhere in my life to be a happier person. It helps to focus on things I CAN change, things I CAN accomplish, that I don't have to hope and wait for.

It's okay to feel the way you do. And if you need some space, I also think it's acceptable to let your friends know that you absolutely love and support them, but you need some time to take care of yourself right now. It's better than repressing those feelings, and lashing out in other ways that aren't healthy.

Good luck and take care.

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Old Feb 1st, 2017, 10:38 AM   3
Mum (Mom)
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Firefly gave excellent, excellent advice.

I remember how all-consuming the feelings of jealousy were when I was TTC. Be kind to yourself and realize these feelings are entirely normal and expected. Don't beat yourself up for having them. When I was going through my struggle, I hated myself for being so jealous of my brother and SIL both times they were expecting.

The saddest thing is that people who haven't had to struggle TTC generally do not understand what it's like and sometimes judge you for being jealous. Be sure to find support where you can from people who are sympathetic to your struggle.

I don't think there is any way to rid yourself of these feelings. Even after going on to have two children, every now and then I STILL feel pangs of jealousy at people who get pregnant easily.

Look out for yourself and if events like baby showers and such are unbearable, don't feel bad about either not going or just making an appearance if you can't get out of it. You don't need to go out of your way to pretend you're okay if you're really not. Just try not to take out your feelings on others unfairly.

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Old Feb 7th, 2017, 18:40 PM   4
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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I can relate to that intense jealousy. I've lost friendships over it unfortunately

But I have found something that really helped. I have started researching the benefits of a childfree life. I don't think having a baby would necessarily make me happier as a person, and I think there are lots of ways that I could lead a meaningful life. Sure having children is a great life adventure and it is something that I would love to get to experience... but it also makes it difficult to pursue any other life adventure afterwards. I've been trying to view my infertility from a positive place. I'm not missing out on something they have, rather I get to experience/do a lot of awesome things that they don't get to anymore. When you flip the perspective like that you start to think that they're the ones who should be jealous of you! Looking at it this way has been really powerful for me dealing with my infertility. I know I haven't been trying nearly as long as you, and I'm new to the infertility world, but I can't help but feel like I'm going to be here for awhile. I'm just trying to accept that I will be okay with either outcome and that I can be happy with my life with either outcome

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