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Old Aug 12th, 2017, 10:18 AM   1
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Not ready to give up, but have to make a decision

So I'm currently in clomid so my hormones are making me crazy emotional anyway, on top of that there have been issues between hubby and me in the recent past although these are fully resolved now.
Anyway, I've been offered a massive opportunity career wise. I would be an idiot to turn it down as it's a once in a lifetime type thing. But it will mean that I cannot get pregnant. It starts in August and lasts 14 months, plus the possibility of being tied into a contract for a year after that. There is no option for maternity leave, and I will be receiving payment which I have to give back if I drop out for any reason. Meaning that if I get pregnant prior to April, I can't do it, and I can't get pregnant until a year after he course starts, minimum.
I'm so torn about what to do. We've been trying for four years, three miscarriages plus another recent possible chemical. We've said we should stop trying in December because even if I do get pregnant prior to April, I could end up having another miscarriage and passing up the opportunity, and end up with nothing. At least that way I'd be at least three months along.
In my head, I know I should take the job, put everything on hold and be grateful. But it's taken us four years to get no where. I don't want to give up and then it take at least another 4 years. I'm 30 in a few weeks, but hubby is 42 in October and I don't want him to be nearing 50 before we have our first child! Plus he's disabled with mobility difficulties so he's already at a disadvantage in terms of what he'll be able to do. He is witt me in terms of the predicament but has said he'll support whatever decision. He is really upset about the thought of us stopping trying though.
Even though it probably isn't, it really feels like we're giving up, and that by stopping, we're never going to have a child. I know it isn't logically all or nothing, but it feels that way! I know life goes on and we have made an effort to keep going, but this is a major decision and I keep changing my mind about what to do!
Any advice would be very appreciated.

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Old Aug 12th, 2017, 10:59 AM   2
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Location: Minnesota, US
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Is the payment that you have to give back a bonus on top of salary or do you have to pay back all money paid to you if you were to get pregnant and drop out? You can do the job while pregnant just no time for leave?

I had a conflict too, not as significant, but started a 3 semester school program after trying for a year. I didn't want to take a semester off so stopped trying for a month, then decided what the heck, we'll figure it out. Didn't happen anyway. Still trying after graduating.

I guess my feedback would be, if you keep salary paid to you and its a sign on bonus type thing you'd pay back, take the risk at accepting the job and if you get pregnant that's what is meant to be. If you end up giving up all pay... that would be a huge drawback... in which case I don't know. Would taking this opportunity help you long term in your career? Sounds like it is temporary, so I'd say if it helps you long term, go for it and take a break. Have you had AMH and FSH tested so you have an idea of egg quality? Or, if ivf is something you'd consider you could do the egg retrieval, and store the embryos until the time is right. After 4 years, what is your plan for treatment?

Good luck, tough decision to make!

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Old Aug 13th, 2017, 12:09 PM   3
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 955
I wrote a really long response and then my computer crashed! Argh! Sorry if this is brief (yeah right) and thank you for replying.
If I drop out we'd have to pay back at least 19k but possibly more. We couldn't afford that. No leave other than designated times at Christmas and in the summer; so I'd have to give birth then go back like the next day! And after this long journey I'd want to actually spend time with or baby, not just pop it out and then miss everything! it would really help my career, life changing really.
I'm sorry you didn't get pregnant. its so frustrating, and not knowing when or why is so unfair.
IVF is next up in the cards I think, possibly metaforim first depending on what happens with the clomid. But to get it on the NHS (ivf) I need to reduce my bmi more so likely to be private. Unless we do wait, in which case we should be eligible, but that's a long way off and I don't know if they'll keep us on hold that long.

I'm so torn!

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Old Aug 15th, 2017, 08:52 AM   4
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You could always go ahead with a freeze all IVF cycle and then delay the transfer until you are able to safely ttc. That way you aren't delaying things too long, but you're still able to take on this amazing career opportunity!

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