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Old Aug 25th, 2011, 15:56 PM   1
lizzywiz
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Donít want DH to get sperm analysis


Hi,
Iím new to b&b, but have been lurking for years. TTC for 5+ years, with breaks because I tend to get a bit crazy about it all. I have known for years that I have PCOS (skinny cyster) and thought I was prepared for infertility but as I get a closer to 35+ I realize that it is going to be devastating for me if it never happens.
I use to chart temps, cm, cp, etc., but I have just used CBFM for the last several months. It is easier to maintain balance with only one method; although, I still go through the hope -> disappointment->anger -> hope cycle every month. Sometimes I wonder what Ďnormalí feels like!
It is time to decide what we are willing to do for a baby re: medical intervention. I have been tested out the wazoo and the most obvious next step is for my husband to get a sperm analysis. The thing is that I donít think I want him toÖ
I already know I ovulate irregularly and have other issues that affect our fertility and I donít feel guilty or bad about it- itís just biology, you know? But I have an inkling that if my husband has significant sperm problems that he will be very upset and that I might be upset, too- it would be hard to hear one more piece of bad news. Also, (and this is something I DO feel terrible about), what if I feel resentful about it? I know, totally unfair, as I KNOW it isnít his fault, but I am afraid I might channel my bitterness that direction. Believe me, I realize this is very hypocritical and I am not proud of it.
We arenít in a financial position to spend money on treatments (we are both teachers), so why stir up an emotional hornetsí nest for no reason?
Thoughts?
Anyone else experience worry about the fall out of a bad SA?



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Old Aug 25th, 2011, 17:02 PM   2
star25
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Hi, i know how you feel, My story is this so far -
Im very irregular and always thought we would have trouble, but it would be down to me. However, my DH had an undescended testicle as a child and was operated on about 4-6 yrs old and weve only really just thought about this being a problem, just didnt realise it can cause infertility. He a SA nearly 3 months ago and we were told over the phone that the results 'werent very good' but we did not get exact numbers. I had already been given clomid for 3 months to hopefully get me to ovulate so we decided we would wait 3 months with my DH taking all his new vitamins and with us both been healthy as we can. I will then start the clomid and he will do another SA. We will then be referred to a FS but in the meantime ive got the clomid to try as I clearly don't ovulate anyway.
I know what you mean about it being biology, I can totally cope with it being me as the one with issues, ive always been irregular since I was 13 and expected to have trouble, I never thought about my DH having any issues of his own, it would be so much harder for us both to have infertility factors, I don't want him to feel bad and I understand what you say about the resentment, not in a bad way but I think I would be angry in general, just with life in general, all this is already so hard why does anyone deserve to have trouble in wanting a baby of their own and have things to be so difficult, do you have anymore apppointments booked?
I actually feel better the more i tackle this head on, i often bury my head in the sand but that never helps with anything, im ready now to fight back and whatever happens i know my DH and I will be there for each other, none of us asked for these troubles but its just something we have to deal with and the more we deal with it the less we will worry,
sorry for rambling and good luck!! xx



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Old Aug 25th, 2011, 17:05 PM   3
star25
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ps) wevre been NTNP (Or as I call it, burying my head in the sand and being in denial) for 8 years and actually trying properly and going to dr for 8 months x



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Old Aug 25th, 2011, 17:37 PM   4
lizzywiz
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Thanks for the understanding, Star. I feel guilty that I have any bad feelings about my husband's fertility (and I don't even know if there is a problem!)
I really want to handle all of these feelings re: infertility with more grace than I have.
No appts. for my husband yet. We have had a couple conversations but otherwise kept our heads planted firmly in the sand



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Old Aug 25th, 2011, 17:57 PM   5
toch1402
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Hi Lizzywiz,

I can completely relate to what you are thinking. I am sure that his SA will be fine but if it is not, the thought of something can be worse than the reality and your actual emotions might surprise you.

I have endo and was told that 'if I wanted children I better get on with it'. That was ten years ago and I wasn't in any situation to have a baby. When my OH and I did start trying, we had been trying for about ten months when we started having testing. I always knew that because of my problems it might be a long journey for us and I could just about deal with the fact that it was my fault as I know that I would do anything to have a baby (I did feel guilty) BUT I did worry about my OH and what if it was him that was the problem and not me. Would he change his diet, lifestyle and take supplements - would he go to the lengths I would? I can completely relate to your comments

"what if I feel resentful about it? I know, totally unfair, as I KNOW it isn’t his fault, but I am afraid I might channel my bitterness that direction. Believe me, I realize this is very hypocritical and I am not proud of it."

So OH had his SA to tick a box - although it wasn't a tick as it came back with a very, very low sperm count with very few moving. We were told that we had hardly any chance of falling pregnant naturally. We were both devastated BUT I was also surprised at how I felt. I might have fleeting moments of feeling resentful (mainly because we put of having children for a couple of years because he wasn't ready) but in the main part I have felt that this is our problem and that we are in it together and that we will come through it together. I have to say that I am surprised that I felt this way. Also in trying to be positive, it also helps to know that we both may be broken as it takes the guilt away! We have now been referred straight for IVF/ICSI. I try to remain positive and think that we would have been waiting for a lot longer if it was just my endo that was the problem.

Hope this helps in some way?!

X



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Old Aug 25th, 2011, 19:49 PM   6
bexxc
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hi lizzywiz,
i know exactly how you feel. i have pcos and i had been on clomid for 6 mo with no luck and we finally decided to have dh tested. i know this won't make you feel any better, but the news was pretty devastating. almost all of his counts were normal, but he only has 17% motility and his semen is too thick and doesn't liquify properly. as upsetting as it is, at least we know so we don't have to go through the monthly disappointment and the wondering why it didn't happen for us again. we're taking some time off to decide what we want to do...
sometimes i think it's best to know- even if it is bad.
good luck with everything!



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Old Aug 26th, 2011, 02:27 AM   7
Soili
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When I found out I had PCOS and doctor wanted us to have both SA and HSG before we would have a chance to try Clomid, I firmly put my foot down and said that I don't wanna do either just yet. It's just way too much to take in. I needed to make my peace with not ovulating, then get to the mindset of trying to get things moving naturally (which is what I'm doing now) and only if everything fails, I will go for further testing. I actually said it straight to my DH at one point that I don't want him tested, because I don't think I can handle at the moment a possibility of any more bad news.



 
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Old Aug 26th, 2011, 07:22 AM   8
star25
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I think when it comes down to doing the SA you may be relieved that your doing something productive, thats why im always on here or reasearching something or another and buying yet more vitamins to force down my poor DH! it makes me feel useful!

Its just a scary thought at the moment waiting for that outcome, my DH had his 1st SA at the start of june and since hearing the results werent good ive been worried ever since everyday, i just want 3 months to be gone so he can do it again and not take over an hr to get it to the lab this time!

Ive been in denial about needing help, you just want it to happen so badly naturally that you need to give yourself time, though admittedly ive given myself more time than most would!

Just remember you don't know know that theres a problem yet and the chances are everything will be fine and the sooner you can get some answers the sooner you will know the way forward, ive done enough worrying to last me a lifetime and now im ready to get things moving!

Good luck everyone xx



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Old Aug 26th, 2011, 07:32 AM   9
lizzywiz
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“I was also surprised at how I felt. I might have fleeting moments of feeling resentful (mainly because we put of having children for a couple of years because he wasn't ready) but in the main part I have felt that this is our problem and that we are in it together and that we will come through it together.”
“i know exactly how you feel.”
“I don't want him tested, because I don't think I can handle at the moment a possibility of any more bad news. “
“Just remember you don't know that there’s a problem yet and the chances are everything will be fine.”
You guys said everything I needed to hear! Wow, I am just blown away by how supportive everyone’s replies are- I totally expected at least a few, ”Stop being an ignorant wench!” replies, which would definitely had their place.
Thanks for making me feel not alone.
DPO 3 and trying to keeep perspective.



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Old Aug 26th, 2011, 07:53 AM   10
bexxc
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lizzywiz View Post
I totally expected at least a few, ĒStop being an ignorant wench!Ē replies, which would definitely had their place.
no way! there's nothing wrong with the way you feel! ttc is very emotional- especially when it turns out to be a longer, more difficult journey than you expected. no matter what you're feeling, there are always bunches of ladies around here who are right there with you!



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