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Old Dec 15th, 2008, 11:13 AM   11
Schmelly
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Thanks Nathyrra, I really appreciate your thoughts. You're right about the rollercoaster...I'm on a bit of a downward spiral at the mo. But I'm sure normal service will be resumed shortly!




 
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Old Dec 15th, 2008, 13:20 PM   12
Omi
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Hi hun,

i too have gone through every conceivable feeling. And as someone has aptly pointed out- the worst thing for me is sitting at work ( i work for social services/ addicitions) and reading/seeing or hearing about yet another alcoholic/druggie getting pg- while i live my life like an effing saint and yet I cant seem to have a baby.

Im 'luckier' socially as most people dont have babies-yet..although we're all in our 30's. The 'luckier' reflects sadly, that i know a few are in the same situation as us here, so although its nice to know your not alone and you can mention it, its a bitch knowing your friends are struggling too. having said that, i had one instant of non-envy when a friend who has been ttc for 5 years finally got pg on her 3rd and last attempt of ivf(at nearly 42)- so there are moments of happiness, pure and unbridled! But- i digress....

Ive tried everything to stem the envy/jealousy and feelings of 'why not me?'. Sometimes, visualising myself in the same lucky place, with a baby of my own works..sometimes nothing but blanking it out does, and very often i just give in- there's a limit to how much i can control myself and i like to say its better out than in!

Im now fearing going over to the in laws on boxing day as my SIL will be there with her 3 and 1 year old. Both conceived and delivered with ease i might add.. I shall be just a week after my 2nd ERCP and i worry how i'll take it...i suspect not very well..but i guess i'll just have to suck it up- as usual.

If nothing else..my only answer to coping with jealousy is..patience. I know its crap but it seems to be the only thing i have to muster truck-loads of- on a daily basis..

, Omi xxx



 
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Old Dec 18th, 2008, 05:08 AM   13
Schmelly
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Thanks Omi. I heeded your words of wisdom...delved deep into my soul and scraped out every single bit of patience I had. I was starting to feel much better and my PMA was returning....................................

...........then DH came home and told me his friend's wife was expecting her 2nd child (she was pg with #1 when we started ttc). I started crying and DH said he wished he hadn't told me.

Hey ho. At least I can drink gin on Xmas day



 
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Old Dec 18th, 2008, 10:14 AM   14
mwmm
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I used to be really bad at dealing with pregnant women and babies and would avoid them all at costs where possible, but recently when i was on a nursing placement, all but 3 of the female staff nurses' were pregnant, and it was really tough seeing them walk around rubbing their tummies, and then happily chatting away about baby stuff, infact, i was told not to sit on 'the chair', as they had a theory that the reason behind so many of them being pregnant was due to a 'curse' on one of the chairs at the nurses station..........of course, they didn't know i had been trying for over 5 years, but, i can tell you that it took every ounce of will not to start blubbering. Although this wasn't the main reason for taking a break from nursing, it certainly contributed, as i found it so difficult, plus of course, if we need more than one or two or even three IVfs, being a student nurse means practically no time off to accomadate for stuff like that.



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Old Dec 18th, 2008, 10:24 AM   15
Schmelly
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mwmm View Post
I used to be really bad at dealing with pregnant women and babies and would avoid them all at costs where possible, but recently when i was on a nursing placement, all but 3 of the female staff nurses' were pregnant, and it was really tough seeing them walk around rubbing their tummies, and then happily chatting away about baby stuff, infact, i was told not to sit on 'the chair', as they had a theory that the reason behind so many of them being pregnant was due to a 'curse' on one of the chairs at the nurses station..........of course, they didn't know i had been trying for over 5 years, but, i can tell you that it took every ounce of will not to start blubbering. Although this wasn't the main reason for taking a break from nursing, it certainly contributed, as i found it so difficult, plus of course, if we need more than one or two or even three IVfs, being a student nurse means practically no time off to accomadate for stuff like that.

That must have been so hard for you Makes me feel like I'm whinging over nothing as we've only been ttc since Aug 2007. I hope taking a break from your student nursing allows you the time and space you need to concentrate on you IVF. Good luck



 
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Old Dec 18th, 2008, 10:49 AM   16
mwmm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Schmelly View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by mwmm View Post
I used to be really bad at dealing with pregnant women and babies and would avoid them all at costs where possible, but recently when i was on a nursing placement, all but 3 of the female staff nurses' were pregnant, and it was really tough seeing them walk around rubbing their tummies, and then happily chatting away about baby stuff, infact, i was told not to sit on 'the chair', as they had a theory that the reason behind so many of them being pregnant was due to a 'curse' on one of the chairs at the nurses station..........of course, they didn't know i had been trying for over 5 years, but, i can tell you that it took every ounce of will not to start blubbering. Although this wasn't the main reason for taking a break from nursing, it certainly contributed, as i found it so difficult, plus of course, if we need more than one or two or even three IVfs, being a student nurse means practically no time off to accomadate for stuff like that.
That must have been so hard for you Makes me feel like I'm whinging over nothing as we've only been ttc since Aug 2007. I hope taking a break from your student nursing allows you the time and space you need to concentrate on you IVF. Good luck
Awwwwwwwwww thanks hun, but, to be honest, it's tough on all of us no matter how long we have been trying, i think once we know it's not going to happen and we then find ourselves in 'those' situations,it's really upsetting for us all-it's blimmin hard not to end up bitter after so long, and there are times i feel that i am losing hope,but, just got to get on with life, accept that it really is ok to have down days, and that it's all perfectly normal to sometimes feel resentful or even a little bit bitter......i spent many many years keeping this to myself, and it almost destroyed me,so, even when i have my down days, it's not half as bad as it used to be-
Anyway, here's hoping that 2009 brings lots of us those special BFPS!!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxx



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