I've been feeling a little down lately, so I decided I'd write a letter to my future baby.
I might sound crazy, but i actually feel a little better after writing it. I even printed out a copy and posted it to
"Prayers, hopes and wishes, RE; my future miracle, F.A.O. God, Heaven. #sorry no post code"
I know the letter is never going to get there, and will probably sit in a sorting office or be burned/recycled with all the other undelivered mail. But that feeling of putting it in the letter box and knowing it's going somewhere, it feels quite good. don't worry, I didn't put names or any personal details in it. I've pasted what I wrote in a spoiler because I know that some people might not want to see it.
A letter for my child.
My dearest love,
This letter is for you, the child that we are so hoping and praying for. There have been many times when we had lost all hope of you joining us in our lives. There have been angels sent from heaven and have taken home in my womb, but sadly and heartbreakingly they couldn't stay because God had other plans for those miracles.
We are still waiting for our miracle to come and to stay with us. Oh my love, I ache for you to be here with us. I love you already and I don't even know if you will ever be in our lives. The only hope I have is the faith that we will be blessed one day. When God's plan for us includes you.
Daddy loves you so much too, he has often told me he would love nothing more than for you to complete our family and for me to be allowed to love you. He would be a wonderful daddy to you. He would care for and nurture you better than any other man, he would love you more than is possibly imaginable. He already does. It pains me to know that it's because of my broken body that he cannot hold you close to him and love you as he so deserves. Even though that is the case, he still loves me in more ways than I could ever deserve. He is so loving and kind, and between me and you, he can be a little silly too. He can make me laugh so hard my sides hurt. He is a good man. Even if he can get a little frustrated when things aren't as they should be, but don't let that worry you little one, he would never do anything that might hurt you or upset you. I can't wait for you to meet him.
I can't wait to meet you either. I've had so many dreams and day dreams about you, not to mention all my thoughts about when you might come to us, or how much I would love you. I would go through any amount of pain and discomfort if only I could be your mummy for even an hour, to know that you have a part of your daddy and a part of me in you and that you have come into this world and lived your life to the fullest. Just that one hour to be your mummy to hold you and feel you in my arms, to feel you breathing, to hear your cries, and to count your fingers and your toes. To feel you wrap your little hand round my one finger. I know I would fall head over heels for you in that one breathtaking moment.
I know that my heart would overflow with pride, joy and love for you that I would burst. Then just as I think I can't take any more happiness, I would look at your daddy, and I would see him feeling the exact same thing, I can see him now, looking at you in awe, and I see that you had stolen his breath away. I see that look in his eyes of the most pure and most tangible love for anyone that I have ever imagined. And you would be oblivious to it all. That purity and innocence of a baby that can only be had once. And it would be me and your daddy's job to keep that in you for as long as possible.
I imagine that you are here, that you are home with me and daddy and I see you grow up into your own beautiful person. I see you fussing over things and loving you even more seeing your personality come through. I see you go off to school and before you dash out of sight you turn and give me a great big grin and a full force wave of the arm, and I'm happy, I'm happy because you are happy. I see you going through high school and maybe college, and then I see you marry some day and have children of your own. But then I realise, I'm dreaming and off in a parallel world.
I know, however, that you are not here and you might not ever be here. That will never stop me loving you or dreaming a life with you in it. You are so very wanted and so very loved. If only I could reach out to touch you and tell you just how much.
I hope, pray and wish that daddy and I have our one dream come true. That you would finally find your way to us, or that we find our way to you. If and when you do come to us, we will share our journey with you, and then we will follow you on your journey.
We will love you for always. Little miracle in waiting.
Mummy and Daddy. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
it was emotional writing it, but it felt good letting out some of that emotion. i cried, i typed, and i printed it.i cried some more, and now i feel that little bit better.
That's beautiful and it's not crazy I have started a scrapbook/album with journal printouts, pictures hospital appointments letters from the doctor about my surgery's our fertility specialist letters and bbt charts then put it all in order to tell our child our journey we are having ivf in a few months so I want to add pictures of the drugs and the embryos and hopefully pregnancy tests ect see it does help you focus on what your trying so hard to achieve because of the determination to finish the story with a happy ending
I have 2journals below the ivf one at the top is pages I have printed out to put in the album and the one below is my ttc journal.
oh waow! that's a fantastic idea! i've got 2 scrap books just laying around here, so on your inspiration i'm going to sort through all my paper work and get a chronological book together. and now all this paperwork of numbers, results and great big words i've had to look up to understand, can all have a little bit of a personal touch. i could write a letter periodically explaining how we feel and what means what. that way i feel better for getting things off my chest and into the journal.
that is a far better idea than posting my letter to nowhere! lol! seems silly in comparison.
No it's not silly you could even wright letters and put copies in the book too I just wright down things like when something upsets me or what I'm feeling just things that you can read back on so you can get the full story and when you read it back when your child turns 18 and ab you child can read it too can you imagin being able to read the story as to how you came to the world, see th actual pregnancy test tha your mum took when sh found out she wa pregnant with you and for me I want a picture of the embryo coud you imagine seeing yourself as a collection of cells wow.
That sounds like a great idea well here is what it is.
Dear future miracle,
I already love you and you dont even exsist i long to be with you and your not even in my tummy yet, but i know someday that you will be and i wont have to long for you anymore. You will have a amazing life and me you and your dad will have a amazing time raising you. I can imagine exatly what you will look like, you will be beautifull and everything i have ever wanted.
It does feel a little better to get it out there almost like they can listen like god just has the little angel up there waiting to give them to me.
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