Just ate a pepperoni pizza and downed a full bottle of wine, but the only thing it's done is made me feel worse, sick and have a banging headache. DH and I had a massive and incredibly stupid argument on the way back from Sunday dinner at my parents. It was nothing related to baby-making, but I've done nothing but cry all night since, calling myself useless and pathetic, and when I've thought about it, the reason I feel like that keeps coming back to the fact that I'm still not pregnant yet.

How do you ladies get through the month after month of constant negatives? I have PCOS and am on something like CD90 (not sure as I stopped counting exactly). My body is so ridiculously useless that it can't even function at something as basic for all animals as reproduction. Do you ever feel like this too? How do you deal with it and keep on going? Is there an end? How can I go on, for potentially many, many more months?

DH and I had a nice moment this morning, after exchanging Easter eggs, he said something like "I hope today brings positive changes and new things for us going forward" and I said "like what" and he said "a baby" and it broke my heart, it broke my heart that it's something that he wants so much that I can't even give to him.

Hi! Sorry your feeling so down, me too......everything seems to come back to the lack being able to get pregnant doesn't it? I don't know how we get through, but we just do and you do too! your body is not useless though I understand you feeling that way, I have stupid long cycles too, its so annoying, beyond frustrating....I have PCOS too.
I am actucally going to be starting counselling soon as I'm finding it so hard to cope with! Luckily I got this arranged through occupational therapy at work as my boss knows about my sruggles and is really understanding. How long have you been ttc?xx

ELR I agree with Schoolteacher, that counseling will help, but if I may try to give you a little bit encouragement... I used to have crazy long cycles too when I was first diagnosed with pcos about 7 years ago. My cycles were are always regular and then one month it just didn't happen...and it didn't happen the following four months after that. And oddly enough the timing was perfect and I honestly thought I was preggo and the hundreds of test sticks were wrong...lol. Not the case, so I understand how you feel about having the crazy long cycles. What I will say is that the long cycles can change. I did bc on and off in part so prevent pregnancy, but also to regulate my cycles, and when I got married in Nov 2009, my cycles just seemed to regulate themselves. My fs says my hubby cured me...lol. So don't be discouraged in that you have long cycles becuase it can change. Also, have you tried using opks or a monitor to see when you are suppose to O? I think that would be a great help to you because you do have such long cycles. You can still O, even with pcos...maybe just not as much as everyone else.

As hard as it is, don't feel like your worthless or compare yourself to some wild animal. You're a woman for crying out loud...lol. There is a reason that women go through what we go through. It makes us strong and resilient, and while it may not seem like it now, this is definately going to make you a good strong mother. I know it's hard to hear stuff like the hubby saying "good luck...for a baby", but again try not to get discouraged. He has to have an outlet too. Maybe try being strong for him in his weak moments. It will help you to refocus from feeling sorry or down and out to being strong for him. That definately helps me. I just try to not give myself any time to sulk. Also allow his pma to give you some pma. I've had to look to my hubby plenty of times for a pick me up and usually it helps.

How do we go on every month? Cause it's work it. All the heart ache, let downs, tears, bfns, emotional breakdowns, angry feeling, hurt, pain...I could go on...it's all work it. To know that some day you will be holding your baby and smiling at your hubby...it will ALL be worth it.

If you think it's taking a toll on you and the hubby, maybe take a break from it. A lot of people get a natural bfp like that. Listen to your body...your body knows better than you.

Maybe you could try journaling if you don't want to talk to someone...whatever you're comfortable with.

Have you guys had any testing done or using/taking any fertility aids?

It's very hard to not give up sometimes. Sometimes I don't think I can handle this anymore. But then I remember God won't give me more than I can handle and that he has a plan for my life. And he has one for yours.

I understand, its extremely frustrating especially when you have unpredictable cycles I have PCOS too and in my younger years went for months with no AF.
your on CD 90 which means your most likely not ovulating so I dont think taking a break will help you get your BFP. I think finding a doctor who is willing to prescibe meds to help you start a new cycle and ovulate will give you a better chance at a BFP.