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Old Mar 15th, 2013, 16:58 PM   1
caandii
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opinions from muslims please


Ok so here's my problem. My partner is a Muslim, we have been together for 2 years and he has never told his family about me because back home people don't really date as such. We had our beautiful baby boy on January 10th and he still hasn't told his family about either of us (me nd the baby) he says this is because of his religious rules (no sex before marriage) and his mom is very strict and wouldn't be happy with him. He says he'll tell his family after we get married. But I don't know when that will happen and in my opinion his family will know we had our baby before we got married cos of his age (the baby's) I just kinda feel like he's keeping us a secret nd it hurts nd upsets me. He's 30 so I think he's more thn old enuf 2 make his own decisions, also he is his moms only child so our son is her first grandson nd I think she deserves 2 know nd surely she'll be happy abt it. I need ur opinions, should I be this upset abt it all?



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Old Mar 20th, 2013, 17:40 PM   2
babyzoe
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Hi, I'm not muslim, but I can say that regardless of whether or not you get married in the future, you partner's parents will be able to figure out that the baby was born before hand. Even if your partner's plan is to lie and say you really got married before in secret, then what's the difference between telling the white lie now and when you really get married.

I do think that he's being selfish by keeping such a secret from his parents; they have a right to know they are grandparents. But then again, some people's religious views are much stronger than family ties. So, ultimately, your partner know best in regards to his parents.

But really, all that said. If he was so concerned about being disowned, then he wouldn't have been dating/having sex/getting a girl pregnant before marriage in the first place. He made his bed, make him lay in it.

Just my two cents.

ETA: Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I would have expected him to come clean to his parents as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I wouldn't have let the nine months go by without informing his parents and at least trying to meet them.



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2013, 15:50 PM   3
OmarsMum
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If his parents are religious then no they will not be happy about a grandchild without a marriage as it's considered a sin.

What are his excuses for not marrying you? A small ceremony / Nikhah at the mosque with 2 witnesses will solve the issue.

My cousin's GF got pregnant when he was studying abroad, his parents didn't know about it, when he came back home he had a marriage certificate, they didn't question dates or ask about their relationship before marriage. His parents are very religious, but they accepted their grandchild as their son was married to the girl before introducing her & his daughter to them xx



 
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Old Mar 26th, 2013, 00:22 AM   4
caandii
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Thnx for the comments. He wants me to become Muslim before we get married. And in terms of meeting his parents, they live in Africa and don't speak a single word of English.



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Old Apr 19th, 2013, 06:19 AM   5
eddjanuary10
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Hi Caandii I realise you posted this a few weeks ago & although my experiences are a little different to yours I can totally understand your difficulties. I have experienced changing from Christian to Muslim and understand your own personal situation. I don't like to go into detail about things on here, but if you feel you want to chat to someone who understands please don't hesitate to pm me. xx



 
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Old May 29th, 2013, 12:46 PM   6
jewelia
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I think it's absolutely unacceptable that he hasn't told his parents about you or your child. Islam also forbids LYING, and this is clearly and blatantly him lying to his family. It's also unfair to you and your LO that you should both be kept a secret because he's not willing or courageous enough to face his family.

Islamically, yes, it is considered a sin to have sex outside of marriage, but it's also considered a sin to act unjustly towards your partner and your child.

You deserve to be dealt with fairly, and it's reasonable that you demand that he opens up to his parents about you and your child. Furthermore, please don't convert to Islam if you don't genuinely feel inclined to. There should be no compulsion in religion, and you should feel free to make choices and genuinely be the person you feel you are. You shouldn't have to convert to Islam simply because it would be pleasing to him.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this! It sounds like it would be tough and a lot of it sounds really unfair to you. I hope he steps up and does what is correct.

Thinking of you!



 
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Old May 30th, 2013, 13:37 PM   7
hellohefalump
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My dad isn't Muslim he's Chinese and sex before marraige is BAD. I didn't tell him about my kids until Madeleine was four because I was scared!

I did it through a friend of his. She's an American lady and really understands both our cultures. When I was 15 he told me I'd be disowned if I had a baby and wasn't married. However, I told him, his friend had a good chat to him about respecting different cultures, and he's welcomed his grandchildren and we now have a better relationship than we did before!



 
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Old Jun 6th, 2013, 21:17 PM   8
Guppy051708
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Not Muslim, but the way i see it- he can't undo the past. The sin is already committed. And by lying to his parents about you and the baby as well as keeping you/baby a secret, he is living a lie and that is a sin also. He can stop living in sin if he fesses up to them. But regardless if he remains living a life of sinning via lying, the past cannot be undone either way. He might as well stop the sin in its tracks and man up about it.

Also i know its none of my business but i agree with a PP-dont convert just to please him. Do it if your heart tells you to. Dont do it for the wrong reasons though.



 
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Old Jun 23rd, 2013, 06:09 AM   9
A132429
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Not muslim but my mam is..If thats his excuses he should marry you now and that would solve the problems..Do you know what his reasons are for not marrying you now ?



 
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Old Jul 28th, 2013, 20:28 PM   10
Fruitymeli
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Hi
I'm a revert so any questions you can pm me
What he's doing is wrong he can't hide you and your son that's unacceptable
They will be more upset the longer he keeps it secret



 
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