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Old Nov 18th, 2013, 06:20 AM   1
Lavendel
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How do you NOT celebrate major holidays?


I am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but i will try it anyway.

I am italian, catholic, living in the netherlands. im married and have a child. he is not baptised yet, but we are working on that.

my husband was brought up without religious orientation but his family used to be protestant, like the majority is here.

however, i want my child to be brought up catholic, even if the only two catholic celebration around here is christmas and easter. which will need some modification from my side.

over here they make a HUGE deal celebration sinterklaas (st. nicholas), but it has nothing left about religion.
it is about how st. nicholas on his white horse and a bunch of black painted servants (some call them 'elves') bring presents to good kids.
they celebrate it from mid november til 5th december, when he actually brings the presents.

i am totally shocked and against and i totally HATE that there are black servants involved. and even if people here dont mean it racist, i cannot stomach it and will never be ok with it.
beside from this, i do not want my child to be totally worked up and getting presents on the 5th of december instead of christmas (which low key here).

i want christmas to be big. i want the magic of it, the santas stories and the religious background too.
i want to go to midnight mass and come back home and find presents. i want my child to learn to give first. and i defenetely dont want him to be ok with a figure having black servants.

im seeking advice from others who do not celebrate major holidays and want to share how they deal about it with their children.



 
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Old Nov 19th, 2013, 17:04 PM   2
Madrid98
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This certainly is an interesting issue! I'm not catholic, but I used to be and seeing others celebrating Christmas only around the 25th of December and with Santa makes no sense to me. As far as Catholic believes are, the 24th is the mass at midnight and the following day is Christmas Day but the presents aren't given until the 6th of January, which is the date when the 3 kings go to visit Jesus and bring him presents. It's a representation of what happened to him. At least, that was how we were taught from a very young age by priests and nuns at school in Spain. I wonder why even religious celebrations have been somehow transform into what's convenient to big stores and shopping centres, and where are the true faith directed actions.

In our case as we don't believe in celebrating something that isn't part of our religion, we simply spend the day as any other day of the year. It doesn't mean anything to us so it's just a normal thing to do. My children were never confused by not receiving presents or celebrating because we've always been very opened and talked about all these things with them. If you've never done it you won't miss it and they've never done.

It's all a bit what you make of it too. If you communicate with your child he'll learn what's right & wrong and as you see those 'servants' as wrong he will too once he's old enough to understand. If you feel religion is very important in your life, then you'll make the important dates and celebrations count, and he'll learn by watching you.



 
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Old Nov 28th, 2013, 18:33 PM   3
Mangoes
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While I'm pregnant with my first child, my husband and I are Muslim and do not celebrate any other holidays besides the two 'Eids in our faith. For the most part, we have planned on explaining why we choose not to celebrate them and pretty much go about our business. My only worry is when it comes to Christmas and birthdays will my child feel "left out" if they see their peers doing this or that.

Inshaa'Allah only time will tell really. I have some friends who just take the explain and go approach and their kids seem to be pretty okay with it.



 
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Old Nov 29th, 2013, 04:23 AM   4
Madrid98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mangoes View Post
While I'm pregnant with my first child, my husband and I are Muslim and do not celebrate any other holidays besides the two 'Eids in our faith. For the most part, we have planned on explaining why we choose not to celebrate them and pretty much go about our business. My only worry is when it comes to Christmas and birthdays will my child feel "left out" if they see their peers doing this or that.

Inshaa'Allah only time will tell really. I have some friends who just take the explain and go approach and their kids seem to be pretty okay with it.
They'll be fine! Mine are perfectly ok with it!



 
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Old Dec 4th, 2013, 10:15 AM   5
Mangoes
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Madrid98 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mangoes View Post
While I'm pregnant with my first child, my husband and I are Muslim and do not celebrate any other holidays besides the two 'Eids in our faith. For the most part, we have planned on explaining why we choose not to celebrate them and pretty much go about our business. My only worry is when it comes to Christmas and birthdays will my child feel "left out" if they see their peers doing this or that.

Inshaa'Allah only time will tell really. I have some friends who just take the explain and go approach and their kids seem to be pretty okay with it.
They'll be fine! Mine are perfectly ok with it!
Really? That is awesome! Around where I live, the always come up with "fake holidays" so that the children don't get left out and while it may seem like a good idea, most of them get pretty confused.



 
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Old Dec 5th, 2013, 04:54 AM   6
Lavendel
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Hi everyone!
sorry for my delay in replying but my little one started to crawl and stopped to nap...so i was all over the place!
now he seems to be tired again, thankfully...

thank you for the reply!
today is sinterklaas over here and i am hating it more than ever. i saw pics of kids in school wearing the bishof's hat and glued on it the pics of the toys they want to get from him/his servants.

i really really dont want my kid to have that in school!!!!!!!! am i exaggerating?? i used to work in pre school and when we celebrated st. nicholas, it was a cultur event. we would tell a story, from the tradition and not religious, and then we would get some present for the class. NOT from the parents to give to their own kid in name of st. nicholas. we would then sit down and share a meal.
same thing for christmas. every year i would choose a different story, from traditions and not religious, got some present for the class and share a meal. meaning was we should cherish this holiday with the people we love and show them how much we love them by spending time with them and doing something nice for them (a would craft something with them). there is no religion on the planet that is against cherishing the people we love and be thankful to them.
am i crazy for expecting some neutral environment in public school??

i think i can hurt someone today..

sorry for the vent.

next thread will be more useful..



 
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Old Dec 5th, 2013, 04:58 AM   7
Lavendel
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how do you deal when they get this kind of celebrations in school and nothing at home?

i was ok in celebrating the italian way (i am italian) with a poor st. nicholas bringing some mandarines and chocolate to kids, but not toys nor making a big deal with it.
my husband thinks in doing that he will only feel left out or left behind in school. he think it is better to skip the holiday all together.

i have a good friend who is muslim and she also says to just skip the holiday. that for the children school is nice but family is what counts.



 
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Old Dec 5th, 2013, 09:14 AM   8
Madrid98
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When mine do stuff in school it stays as that, "school stuff". They don't relate to it or ask to continue with it at home. You'll be surprise, once they get older, how confident they'll feel to stand their ground and explain to others that they don't celebrate that or the other. If we don't make a big fuss they shouldn't get confused with what is what.



 
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Old Dec 18th, 2013, 14:17 PM   9
darkriver
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I am a pagan and for me the real holiday is the 21st The winter Solstice. That is my faith though. I will be teaching Lucy that people practice different things.



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Old May 13th, 2014, 14:27 PM   10
sept2010
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Mangoes and madrid. Im the same.. I will just teach my lo's that all the other celebrations i.e christmas, birthdays etc are not part of our religion. And i agree they do turn out to pretty confident in telling others why they dont celebrate such n such celebrations. You hav to teach it from a young age before they even go to school.



 
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