dHow did you decide on your donor?? As in did you go for physical attributes, health and medical history, what their personality and beliefs was like, where in the country they lived?? Did you want someone you know and trust, a complete stranger you never are going to see again? Private donor, sperm bank??
I'm at a loss as to how you decide on the perfect donor, this person is verrrrry important in the making of a baby and I have no idea how you go about finding one, let alone picking one to help you conceive the most precious thing ever?
We found a private donor who was intelligent, healthy, had a family of his own, happy with whatever level of contact we wanted and had other donor babies that we could speak to the mums for recommendation.
We didn't go by looks, belief or country of origin these weren't important to us
the decision is very stressful until you decide. Lots to consider. Take your time and don't rush the process.
We used a sperm bank. the good thing about it is that all samples are thoroughly tested for sperm count, motility, stds, genetics. You can also talk to genetic counselor about your family's medical history as related to your offspring. and there are lots of donors to choose through. But its very costly! ~$895/vial. (with shipping and prep)
Our clinic's donor coordinator was very helpful in bringing very practical issues to our minds like make sure that donor is still active and there are high qty's samples in stock (you don't want it to run out) Make sure they have the type of vial you need washed: for IUI, unwashed: for ICI. Also think about future children you want to have do you want your children to share DNA? Save some vials in cryostorage for the future if so.
She also said another piece of advice which was very helpful. Remember this person is a part of your life (even a small part) Pick someone you feel good about, so it won't be in the back of your mind the rest of your life. We went with someone who had values we felt were in line with our own and had a deeply moving reason that wanted to be a donor. (I cried when I read his profile)
We felt the investment in our family was worth the money. I know everyone doesn't have that luxury. We are lucky.
Good Luck! You will choose what's right for your family
There's a lot to consider when looking for a donor. We chose someone with the same physical attributes as my partner, who was healthy with a good family medical history, and his sperm count was high and so was the motility. All things considered, I would go for someone who is healthy, has no family history of things like cancer and mental illness, and then decide what physical attributes you like and would possibly have passed onto your potential child.
I am Black and my wife is White. With our first daughter we tried to find a donor with similar ancestry as my wife. We also tried to find a similar personality as her too. We then went over the donor's medical history. When we narrowed it down to three donors, we closed our eyes and picked. The second time was a lot more difficult. Our donor for our first daughter became inactive soon after she was conceived. We found out a lot later that one of his off-springs had a genetic abnormality. My daughter more than likely is a carrier of the recessive gene. No matter how much searching that you do, you never know what will come up later. Our current donor is the same blood type as our first and similar ancestry. We did also go through the medical history too. One thing that we try to consider is that if I was having a baby with a man, I would not know all of his history. I didn't get to interview my ex-husband before we had a child about every nuance of his family's medical history. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't be picky, but it is also important to relax and go with your gut. Oh and I also looked at the donor's baby picture. If he looked like a baby that I would go crazy over, it helped narrow the search.
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