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Old Aug 1st, 2012, 10:12 AM   1
MizzPodd
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Said Goodbye too soon....


Hi ladies,

I am actually shocked I can even write about this, I have been struggling ever since. On July 4th I went to use the bathroom and then felt something coming out, it was like a sac so I immediately just held it in and screamed and went to lay down. My husband didn't know what was going on and called 911. Got to the hospital and the ER doctor said I was miscariaging and sent to delivery.... HOWEVER, when I got there, they did an ultrasound and the baby was fine, and healthy with a strong heartbeat... 18 weeks + 5 days along (which was actually almost a week ahead)... They told me as long as i didn;t have an infection that I could be sent to a high risk facility and they would sew up my cervix... Unfortunately, I begin getting a high fever, and they discovered I had an infection... They assumed it was baby, which is why I was in premature labor. I still can't go into more details because it is just too hard to deal with. I still can't believe it. The fluid they got showed it WAS NOT my beautiful angel, they do not know where it was coming from. But my water broke and there was nothing else they could. Within less than 24 hours, I went from having a great normal pregnancy, to going into labor and delivering a baby boy. It happened so fast, and we were sent home the next day. To have your baby one minute, and then to suddenly lose him with no explanation is heartbreaking.

My strong prince lived on his own for 2 hours after he was born. We did not want to know the sex, so my husband was the one to tell me the sex. My daughter was able to see her little brother and say hi (she is almost two). We were together as a family, and I will cherish this moment for the rest of my life.

I am still grieving, it has not even been a month yet, and I just can't believe it. I see him everyday and every night. He looked beautiful, just like his daddy. I know he sleeping peacefully, and never suffered. He is our guardian angel and protecting his family now.

I am here because I just need someone to talk to. I don't know anyone who has gone through this, and it is hard for them to understand...
A parent is not supposed to outlive their child.... Especially like this...

I just started getting out o the house, and it hurts to see all of these pregnant woman. I was at the dentist and a pregnant chose to sit right next to me when there were empty seats everywhere... and the dentist assistant working on my tooth was pregnant... I mean it feels like I keep getting slapped over and over. My post appt is August 10th and we want to start trying again when the doctor clears us.

There may be some type of blood disorder I have that may make me prone to infections more when pregnant, and they said if it the case, I will take baby asprin during my pregnancy from now on. I pray that is the case, and this never happens again... My cervix was normal, and was not incompetent or anything....

Ladies please stay strong, and know our angels are with us always, in our hearts. for everyone. We are strong beautiful women to go through this, and still keep pushing on...

In loving memory of my baby boy
Dejuan Jr.
7 ounces and 8 1/2 inches



 
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Old Aug 1st, 2012, 10:42 AM   2
Zaki
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i am so sorry for youyr loss
my heart goues out to you xx
life is too cruel..



 
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Old Aug 1st, 2012, 12:23 PM   3
dextersmum
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I am sorry for your loss and what you have had to go through. It does feel like cruel fate especially when you see other pregnant women every where. It seems to be what we attract unfortunately because we don't want to see it we see it more.

Grief takes a long time especially as you said no parent should outlive their child especially not like this. Use this forum to find other ladies who understand completely what you are going through as it is a great source of support if you do not have other people in your life who have gone through anything like this.

take care xx



 
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Old Aug 1st, 2012, 12:43 PM   4
dizzy65
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Old Aug 1st, 2012, 13:24 PM   5
Lottelotte
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I am so very sorry for your loss.




 
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Old Aug 1st, 2012, 13:40 PM   6
Andypanda6570
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I am so deeply sorry for your loss of Dejuan Jr.

You are SO right they are our angels and the are always watching over us, always I lost my Ava at 20 weeks, i gave birth in my bathroom and then was rushed to the hospital . We buried her on 3-11-2011 and i still struggle to understand why this has happened. Now my Sister-In-Law is 25 weeks pregnant and it hurts very much just to see her, but i will get through this and be okay.. Time heals a bit but it never goes away. Again i am just so so sorry..
XOXOXOOOX Andrea



 
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Old Aug 3rd, 2012, 08:53 AM   7
MizzPodd
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Thank you Andypanda... It is unbearable to deal with. I have okay days then terrible days, and I wish the pain would stop. I know for me it will take a very long time for me to heal because I live for my family. This is the most important thing in my life, and to have him taken away from me, I just don't understand. He was perfect

I don't know what happened, and based on the doctors, I will never know. It may have been the uti infection, but they are not even sure about that.

I am trying again when we are cleared because I just know in my heart it was meant to be; I was meant to be a mother and have children. I want my DD to have siblings she can grow up with and play with. We have our guardian angel looking down at us and protecting us from this cruel world so I know we will be fine. It just sucks that it hurts so much and there is nothing I can do to take the hurt away except go through it and get through it.



 
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Old Aug 3rd, 2012, 08:56 AM   8
MizzPodd
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Thank you so much ladies. We all are or have hurt this much, and I appreciate the support. Please continue to uplift one another because this is how we get better, this is how we can start to heal. I cannot ignore what happened because then I will never have dealt with it and accepted what happened. I am trying to accept it still but I just can't come to terms with this. I want my baby boy back so much it kills me



 
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Old Aug 8th, 2012, 10:37 AM   9
kiki04
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You are destined to be a mother wether your children are here or in heaven... I am so glad you found this group



 
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Old Aug 8th, 2012, 15:53 PM   10
keepholdingon
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massive stay strong!



 
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